Transition in a New Town, House & Life
This is a personal post where I am sharing my feelings on transitioning to a new town, home and life.
I am going to be honest and vulnerable here and I don’t want anyone to think that I am not thankful and that I don’t recognize my blessings. I truly do. But transition is hard.
I have realized something about myself that I don’t think I fully understood before we moved.
I am married to a man on the spectrum and one of my sons is on the spectrum. There is no coincidence in that. One of their struggles, especially my son was/is transitioning from one task to another. They cannot multitask ..at all. Even as far as Putting a load of laundry in before going to go do another task. It drives me crazy that my husband cannot do that. How can you not just take advantage of the fact that machines can do majority of the work and schedule things out? but they don’t. It took us until my son was in the third grade for him to not have a melt down in the classroom between subject changes. Middle school was a dream come true for him because he had to leave one classroom and go to another for subject changes. But we got called into the second grade several times because he would break down in tears if he was asked to put his math book away to go to another subject and he was not finished or something. We had to really work with him.
Anyway…I am sharing all of this to explain that there is obviously a reason that I have been able to live with people like this…and that is because I also THRIVE in structure and routine. I knew that I was going to struggle. I had a real talk with Rob before we left to say that I am not going to be “myself” for awhile because my routine is going to be amiss and I know that is a struggle.
So even I expected some struggle. I didn’t fully understand the struggle that I would have. I have created a security “bubble.” The 20 years in Ephrata were very formative for me. It’s where I learned who I was, I found out how to really live life. My broken parts were loved together there with Godly women who took me in and taught me how to be human. I surrounded myself with healthy people and I had my routine and structure. It was the place I had lived the longest and it was filled with all the memories. I knew or recognized all of the people in my grocery store. The gas station, the post office. The bank…they were cheering me on when I would make an extra payment on my house. ( while I was trying to get it paid off). Virtually everywhere I went was a familiar face and that offered me security. I loved that security. I cried on the last visit to the post office. Honestly, it was the only stop I went to during the pandemic where I had human interaction every day. I made myself go instead of online postage. Every day was planned ( pretty much) I have been meeting with my friends for breakfast every week on the same day for …I don’t know how long. They called me on a FaceTime last week and I immediately started crying. They have no idea how much I love them and relied on them.
Now I am in a new town. No routine. My support system is gone. My surroundings are new. I am sleeping on an air mattress. I don’t have a “home”….with a comfortable place to rest. I have a house that has not been formed into MY home yet. I don’t recognize anybody, anywhere.
I am working non-stop to create that home ….and I am reassuring myself that it will all come together and that I will have routine once again.
Even going to our nearest Walmart or Home Depot is anxiety ridden because there are so many people there. It’s not as well kept as the ones “back home” …I keep having to correct myself. There is nothing familiar. You would have thought I moved to Mars ( in my mind). But I didn’t.
Then that first week Elvis killed a few chickens and every night seemed like there was some ER that we had to fix just to survive because of the dogs ect. House issues…ect what ever they are/were. All of the things you don’t think about when you move to a different place and took for granted at the old one.
I was so heartbroken over the chickens. I know how the food chain works. I know some people will feel differently ect. But I wanted these chickens and I feel like it’s my responsibility to keep them safe. I just could not handle them being killed….and it really shook me. Especially because I kept trying to find the solution to keep them safe and Elvis was working to so hard to find the way. Thankfully the pen is Elvis proof now.
My car also broke down, My computer broke down ( with all of my design work and patterns), Rob has been having to work a lot of overtime at his job …which means I am doing a lot of work on my own. Our field is growing crazy fast because it’s raining buckets here and then we might have a sunny day. We ordered a riding lawn mower ….someone literally lit the store on fire and our lawn mower was burned up. LOL! Seriously! We had to wait an extra week…which was no big deal ( in the grand scheme of things). But I had to learn how to use the riding mower and mow the field because we can get in trouble here if we don’t maintain our fields and it was getting so long. So along with the transition and learning new things we were having other issues. There were more….but you get the idea.
But when you think about all of the anxiety and everything I have been dealing with…I was trying to stay focused. But there must have been 500 times in a day that I wanted to break down and just go “back home” and forget about all of this. I feel like that is such a terrible thing to say and that I do know how blessed that I am. I would then feel guilt and try to carry on to the next chore or obstacle. Then I had doubtful thoughts…like “Am I truly this fragile?”…”Why can’t I be normal?”…”What is wrong with me?”
Rob and I are a team and we are figuring it out. I feel bad for him. I would like to be this supportive spouse that can weather the storm. I am typically the one who does that. I have been taking care of him and his life most of these 20 years. In this time he has really had to step up and do a lot….for his mom and for me because my whole world was shook up.
The good news is that it is getting easier. All of those things have not changed. But I don’t have a choice. My old house has sold and I have to make this new house/plan/town/life work. My break down thoughts are happening less and less. The chickens that were injured in the first week are healing very well…along with my heart. The upper floor is coming together. The flooring is done…YAY!! Now we have to work on the trim and completing the laundry room. I would really love to avoid having to go to the laundry mat again. LOL! How can I multitask if I have to keep doing that?
I am slowly but surely clearing out the flower beds and making it look more “homey” here. That seems to be the therapy and the cure for my “homesickness” ….There was a time when I would have cringed to think of Ephrata being my home. I have been craving the trees and green. Those do offer me comfort and last week when they were having 85 degree weather I can’t say that I wished I was there. LOL! I guess I prefer the rain. I don’t miss the desert. But I do miss my comfort and security.
I do like that I get to see my kids more often. It’s been nice to have a few of my sons come and help me. I get to talk to them a little more and spend time with them in a different way, which is nice.
I did meet someone who already invited me to church. I am going to go and hopefully meet new people and start to build my “bubble” here with new people and discover all that Deer Park has to offer. :)
I just wanted to get these thoughts down for a few reasons. One is that I want to remember this when I might struggle later ….I am making progress. Two is that I know some of you may have been through this or are going through it as well and you are not alone. This is hard. I am not a person who takes big uncalculated risks. I don’t like surprises (my childhood was full of terrible ones..that would cripple me) and I try to control so much of my environment. This transition is a good thing. I know that I am never truly in control and that I can’t truly find security in a town. It comes from God and he will take care of me. He is where my security needs to be…and I needed that reminder.
I pray and face each day and hope that I can remember this when I feel weak.
I hope you all have a beautifully blessed day!
You can do this! Lean on Jesus’ arms. DP is a beautiful place, love their Bi-Mart and you aren’t far from quilt shops in the “big city.” You have lots of virtual friends, me included, an we are all cheering for you. I really enjoyed having you come to my quilt guild a few years ago and purchased several of your patterns this winter. Some nut set a fire in my local Target here and I’m missing shopping there. Hopefully it will open again soon, don’t understand why people do such things (he was shoplifting). Take care and your sewing space will come together soon.
You will be fine. Life is an adventure after all.
Thank you Charisma for being transparent but also vulnerable.
Until we moved in 2000 to ML we had moved every 3 years and usually pregnant or with littles. God bless you. I have settled and only moved now avg every 8 years in Columbia but it’s not easy for us gals who need our people. God always provides the strength the amazing friends and personal growth. You’re rocking it really and the home
Improvement you have done is just amaze balls
Best to you, Charisma. One day at a time ( This is from a special ed teacher). Each day will get easier for you and your family.
I wish you well. Patti
You are very brave to put down your honest feelings. I really admire you having known you for such a long time…even if it is only virtually! I think you are an amazing woman and I know you will get through all of this and love your new home. Looking forward to 30 minutes on June 27th. :-)
Some of your friends are just waiting for an invite. You’re only a couple of hours away. I’d bet as soon as you have a guest room, a few of them will come up. In the meantime, let that be your motivation to keep the ball rolling. You will be a great host and they will get a well deserved little road trip. Keep that chin up. You got this.
You’ve got this, girlfriend! Stay your course, knowing the juice is worth the squeeze. Yep, it’s hard to put yourself out there, and it’s easy to retreat into your comfort zone, but you are brave and strong, and you’ll get through the transition period sooner than expected. Focus on what makes you happy and comfortable and stay in touch with your friends. We’re all rooting for you!!
From your writing you are doing all the right things. I am part of a Bible Study studying The Armor of God by Priscillia Shirer based on Ephesians 6. One of her comments “feelings do not have intellect” has stuck with me this week. Our feelings are based on past experiences good and bad and we need to rely on God’s strength to get thru our insecurities, fears, anxieties, and inadequacies (I do). As you work thru the difficulties you face, each mountain you climb will get less frightening as you put on the armor of God. Blessings and hugs.
I too hate change and am experiencing a time of unease also. If you want to escape for a few hours on Monday you are welcome to join us church ladies sewing charity quits. Only problem is we are in south Spokane county.
I have read all your posts during this transition and have to hand it to you for being so capable and strong. You have been through worse and came out the other side victoriously . I so admire you being able to put your feelings out there with your strength from God. I’m bad at keeping everything inside and festering, it isn’t healthy I know .
One day at a time. You can get through this.
❤️ Sherrie Hansen
Bless you, Charisma! Change is tough — I don’t know how my daughter does it! She has been married 19 years and they have moved 11 times!!! He is an officer in the military. I would have been married 54 years (if I was still married) and only moved 6 times!
You can do this, sweetie. It doesn’t happen right away, but you know what you need and you will find it.
Love to you both!
Moving is hard, and harder after being in one home for 20 years.
Looking forward to the post that says you feel home in this new place.
All of us who have struggled to move understand the lost feelings you have experienced. I am glad that things are gradually settling down and the problems are getting figured out. I do know that God will ease your loneliness and give peace of heart. It is nice that a church group has reached out to you and hopefully they will become a new support system. Keep us posted on how you are doing.
Oh boy! Hang in there dear friend. Our connection just got better. I grew up in Deer Park Township in Illinois! I will continue to keep you in my prayers!
Also, thanks for the copy of Quilts & More. The Buzz Worthy quilt is in my to do pile!!
I just “found” you on Insta, today, and I do appreciate the fact that you are in a hard time and that you’ve had a tough life. I had the latter and have had my struggles, too. I think your ability to be vulnerable and your awareness of who you are will get you through this and you will recreate a network of acqaintences and friends. I recommend you go back to your LOL moments and write those up – seriously, how often does a person’s tractor burn up in a store? That made me laugh! Maybe you can write about those moments and think ahead to a time in the future when you are established and comfortable and will be laughing at everything you are going through now! Hang in there! I can tell you will do fine!
Charisma, I have been in your “ moving shoes” many times. Moving suddenly was one of the surprises in my childhood and it happened many times, and I don’t like them. The BIGGEST thing the Lord taught me was that to receive the next blessing, the next teaching, the next growing closer to Him, I would have to let go of the current blessing, teaching, growth. I had to let go of the current routine of seeing women who meant everything to me in order to be loved by new friends (additional, not replacements!). I had to let go of my current church and Bible study to grasp a new fellowship and new path on my faith journey.
I see now His brilliance and how very personal, specific-for-me and our relationship together His plan was/is for me and my family. This is all His doing so you can bet He has planned well and prepared each path for you, your husband, your kids. Even the laundry mat is a part of it, haha. He has quite an imagination. What blessings does He have for you there?
Your post is a couple of months old – I wonder how long your list is of new blessings because of your move.
I really enjoy following you on Instagram. Your quilts encourage and inspire me.