Preston was inducted into National Junior Honor Society last night.
I have to say in moments like that I really have to fight back tears. I have been struggling so long with the oldest two & the youngest….that I feel like I don’t have it in me to get to the middle ones. I think that’s the bad part of having a big family. It’s hard to get to all of them. The middle boys are exceptional…because despite what happens in our house they always get good grades..and they excel at pretty much everything they try. It’s hard to focus on them when I am always trying to put out fires with the “needy” ones.
But last night was all about Preston. I happen to think he is incredibly smart..but also so handsome! ( even with that HUGE zit on his chin- poor Kid! He has been struggling for years..and he is just turning 13 tomorrow. He has bad skin and teeth.) We couldn’t get his tie tied correctly… we were running late..because he was worried about the zit. So we got there a bit late.
He loves his faux hawk. I think it’s cute. I also love his blue eyes. When I was pregnant I had asked God if I could have at least one kid with my eyes. I thought he would be my last child at the time….and Bryce and Cole have their Dad’s eyes. The only feature I liked about myself was my eyes ( until I got chubby..now you can’t see them *eyeroll*)…and God granted me that (Clarissa also has them). When Preston was little people would ask “where did you get those eyes?” He would look at them funny and say “God gave them to me” I loved that. I had been telling him God gave them to him…so he thought it was funny that anyone would not automatically know that. hehe.
Preston has 3 older brothers that he is always trying to keep up with..this has been his lot in life…honestly from the time he was little. He just couldn’t stand that they could do anything he couldn’t. So with boys his own age he is the leader. People would always forget how old he was..and treat him like he was older because of his actions and size…but I hated that. I wanted him to be healthy and treated accordingly. Then it became babying. He is so much like me…in many ways..he stresses internally…and doesn’t feel like he fits anywhere. He is riddled with self hatred..and thinks he needs to accomplish more and be the best at everything or he is nothing. He needs outward accolades. He is number 5 of 6. It’s difficult to know where he stands moment to moment and as a parent to know if I have done enough.
I feel like I am the worst parent sometimes. Why did God give me 6? There isn’t enough to go around…then you have someone like Octomom…who has 14 and I think…WOW! That’s impossible! What I have also learned is that the kids need you more as teenagers than they do as babies. I know there is always a balance..but I can honestly say, I am glad I am home now rather than when they were little and I had to work more…because as teenagers they really need lots of guidance…where as when they were younger you were just trying to keep them from climbing walls, bouncing balls in the house and making them eat all of their veggies . Which I have also learned …none of that stuff goes away…we still have all of that same issues. LOL.
Preston is a great Kid and he needed to be celebrated last night. Tomorrow he turns 13. It’s difficult for me to think that because experience has taught me that ..I only have about a year left until he turns into an ugly testosterone beast that will no longer be recognizable by me…and I will no longer have any babies….I will be training them all for adult hood..and that is going to be a difficult phase for me. I need to enjoy what I can of it.
Happy 13th Birthday Preston. I am privileged to be your mom. I love you.