Well the last week or two I have been out of sorts. I have been bitter, sad, angry and just not my normal self.
I am usually so forgiving, accepting and easy going. Do you know what I have felt like? Like I was at a family reunion. Those evil insecure feelings are what I feel when I am with my family. Totally! It’s what happens when you are with crazy unpredictable people. At least me. I have to learn to handle it better, I guess?
Jeri walked at her graduation. Her maternal grandmother decided to throw her a dinner Saturday night. Rob & I were not invited. The people who did all of the hard work. All of these people who have not been in her life showed up….people who had rejected her….and when she has a success they show up? I was feeling bitter and angry. Like “Who do they think they are?” Then I realized I sound like my mother. I sound like a hard, insecure, anxious person who wants everything to be about them. Do I really need to steal the show? Do I really need to be validated? Anyone who has been around knows the truth. I don’t need to defend or justify myself. Rob and I have been there…we have done all of the hard work. Blood, sweat & tears. Rain or shine. He and I partners until the end!
Once I put that into perspective…( even though all of my close friends have been saying that… I couldn’t hear it until I processed it myself….and accepted) it all came full circle. I understand. I don’t like myself when I do that. I like the “real” me. Living with bitterness and anger is not a safe place to be. Trusting God to take care of it…much more comfy.
Rob and I have set out boundaries and as long as we stick to them life will be ok, I am not fooled into believing that everything will be Peaches and Cream….just because we set some healthy boundaries. But what I do know is that I am really good about sticking to what I say. I am also really good at wanting everyone to be successful. If we have to get through pain to reach success …then that’s the way it is.
We had great family time. I relaxed. Carla and I just talked and experienced time, leisure and laughs. She and I also went to a movie….It was hilarious. A great breath of fresh air and a time to just “enjoy.” I am so glad she came and spent time with me. God really did provide me with great family support.
I am also keenly aware of how much work I have stacking up…and I will need to put my nose to the grind stone this week to get my orders out. Sorry for my rough week..I know we all have them. I hear from my close ones that I have not been myself..and I even have documentation now..LOL Blogs are good for that!
So this week I will be back ..and have plenty of pictures to show.
Have a great week!