Do You Remember …..

Categories: UncategorizedBy Published On: April 30, 201370.4 min read1549 words5 Comments on Do You Remember …..

Where you were when you got Earth shattering news? I can remember 9-1- 1 ….I remember watching the news footage and thinking it didn’t seem real. That happened to me today.

I was in shock…stunned and then went to my knees. I can honestly say I am still processing. Part of my process is coming to all of you. I know that I am not just writing to space…I know that there are genuine people that read this….because they relate to me..and I know I have some prayer warriors out there…I know that I need you now more than ever! Tonight more than ever I am grateful for what God has delivered me from. I always say to people around me..if I want a glimpse into what my life could have been …all I have to do is take a 2 hour trip to visit my mom or my sister…and I have a clear picture of what I could be. I would know what it was like to have a mother who loves..rather than to be an orphan. Good news…God loves me and he has brought so many people into my life. God has blessed me richly.

I was sewing in my studio today when I got the news.

I know some people would say I shouldn’t air my family business on here…..but clearly…if it’s on every news station…it doesn’t really matter does it? They (my family) made it that way…..I am not ashamed or feel bad because I didn’t do anything wrong. In fact I think it shows how much I have overcome.

My sister was arrested ….my mother’s house was on the news in a town 2 hours away…we don’t have the same name….so nobody would attach her to me..unless they knew us. My mother’s house was surrounded and under investigation , my 30 year old sister was arrested for sexual assault and kidnapping.

My sister got a friend to help her kidnap a girl , they held a gun to her head, threw in the trunk, took her to my mother’s garage,tied her to a chair tortured her and that wasn’t enough they brought in two guys to rape her.   The girl escaped somehow…got to the gas station a block away and called the police.

My sister lives at my mom’s house, deals drugs and also has her two young children there. My mother knows all of this goes on…..but denies it…my sister has been an addict since she was 12 years old…and my mother is a horrible enabler. She is still defending my sister and she is bailing her out tomorrow. My sister doesn’t feel like any of this is her fault..won’t accept responsibility and my mom feels the same way. How is this possible? My sister is looking at 15 years.

Is this the Twilight Zone?

My mother doesn’t talk to me because I am the black sheep of the family? She doesn’t like to be held accountable for her actions either. Nobody in that household ever feels they should take responsibility for their actions. unbelievable.

I tend to want to remember the good parts of my sister..rather than the nasty evil demon she has become. I have not liked her for some time because I have a hard time respecting someone who can’t raise her children properly. She  did meth during each of her pregnancies…yet she still had healthy babies…like that wasn’t dodging a bullet? She has had chance after chance..and she doesn’t rise above…it’s hard to understand?  I always say this about my own mother…but most parents want their kids to be better than they are…that’s a sign of a good parent..My mom and my sister didn’t ever get that….they take the lazy or easy way out. My brother ( who is also not on my mom’s favorite list…& she doesn’t talk to him) called her tonight…. she specifically told him….”Don’t let Charisma call me”

WOW! I wasn’t going to…I already know that goes no where and I wouldn’t waste that much time or energy. It’s time and energy that I will never get back..I have already been down that road. But the mere thought of me calling her makes her upset.  Do you know why? Because I don’t hold back anything….I don’t baby her or caudal her. I won’t cry to her and tell her everything is going to be ok.  I tell her nothing will be ok until she starts owning her behavior. She will continue in this black hole until she rides above and starts putting one foot in front of the other and make good choices….nobody has a magic want and wipes away the pain and experiences. God gave us free will. He gives us healthy discipline. Healthy discipline is when we get ourselves in a pickle..we pull up our boot straps and we dig ourselves out of the hole and fix the issues. We don’t keep placating people and feeding that beast……

Rob and I got into a fight yesterday ( we hardly fight) what was the fight about? The fact that I don’t let our kids make mistakes. I don’t give them a chance to make mistakes because I over parent. It’s totally true..logically I get it..I know they need to be let go they can have a safe place to fall before the consequences are to big….but this is why? My family is so extreme….to put it bluntly “I am screwed up!”  Honestly , I feel that way…I so want to protect them from everything I went through ( and still am) that I don’t want to see any of them on the news in this manner.  I always feel it’s just a minute away…the shoe is always gonna drop. When is the magic number that I will let go and Let God. When will I be secure that I have taught them right ways…when will it be enough that I know they have a good head on their shoulders.  They already know all the “right” answers…but do they truly KNOW?. I won’t know until they experience life. It’s so hard letting go.

Rob & I are most heartbroken over my sisters 2 kids. I am sure i have shared this story…but years ago my mother’s house was raided..and the kids were taken by the state..we tried to get them…but my mom and sister didn’t want us to have them because they didn’t want them to have a proper life..they were afraid they wouldn’t ever get them back if we took them.  So they still got them. Clearly my sister’s behavior has not changed in any way…and clearly has gotten worse. The state has even been called in the last year to check on the house..They didn’t do anything. How is this possible? How is it that these kids can live in this environment and nobody will help them? The kids were younger at the time..and I felt they would have fit in to our family. Now the oldest is 13 and there is no way I could help her at this point… I have my own children to think about. I can’t bring that kind of chaos in…but there is no way my mother should be able to keep those children..she has no business raising ANY kids….much less ones that need so much help. My mother isn’t really good about adapting or changing behavior. She is a lazy parent who hides in her room and avoids everything. She might as well be on drugs. Rob thinks we need to start a frenzy to get things worked out so the kids can go somewhere else. My Grandmother said the kids would be better off in foster care..I agree with her. I am just not sure that our state will actually do anything….they have been called and involved..and they don’t care. They could have had a normal life with people that love them…and they adults in their life were to selfish..they couldn’t give them to they are in a house with drug dealers, addicts, kidnappers and surrounded by rapists. This was my childhood.

Now I know personally there is a way out. I hope someone ..Somewhere will show these kids love and what they way out is…..Please Pray that God brings them help!

They need prayers the most. They are innocent children that don’t know any sort of healthy life. I pray God brings that to them. It seems so unfair. But there is a journey here..God can make them whole.

As much as I have to process all of this and know that I am loved. I know I have blessings. I know I am a child of God…and I am truly not an orphan. I just ask for peace.

Thank you for listening…thank you for praying. Thank you for being there and helping me during this process. God can do AMAZING Things if he can deliver me from this…right?

Praise be to God!



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  1. Suzette April 30, 2013 at 6:42 am - Reply

    I commend you Charisma. Like you, I rose above a not-so-perfect childhood, so we both know it IS possible to do so. Life is about choices and those choices will either let you rise above your circumstances or wallow in them. We can’t change those around us, we have no control over them, we only have control over our reaction to them. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, including your sister’s precious children. I hope they find the love and support they need to rise above their circumstances too.

  2. fran April 30, 2013 at 6:52 am - Reply

    My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. I understand what you are saying about taking in your sisters kids at this point. You have to consider how everyone would fit together and the overall influence on everyone involved. I had a one student in particular that I wanted to bring home, but I had to think of my kids and how it could possibly influence them. I’m truly surprised that the state has not stepped in and taken over with the kids.

  3. Amy April 30, 2013 at 1:58 pm - Reply

    I just want you to know that I am praying for them and you. Glad you are a strong woman and knew when to get out and free of them! God is always with you! I will be thinking and praying for the children too!

  4. Lavonne Gribben April 30, 2013 at 3:58 pm - Reply

    ” With God all things are possible”

    Praying for you and the kids.


  5. Karin April 30, 2013 at 4:35 pm - Reply

    You’re so right on so many levels – we all make our own choices, and we are all blessed that you’ve made the ones you did, as are your children, whether they know it yet or not. You’re right about your sister’s kids too – they need to be in a home where they’ll be shown love & the way to be better people, regardless of their beginnings. Have faith – God will provide, in His own way, in His own time.

    And Rob’s right too – if you over-protect, your own kids won’t know what to do when you’re not right there to help ’em out. Just as you don’t respect your mom (and rightly so!) for being an enabler, you also don’t want to repeat that mistake, k? Driver & I had to strike that happy medium, as well…and it wasn’t easy. The two we got to raise made it & are doing well. The two that were old enough to choose their destiny (and chose to live with mom) are now children in adult bodies – poor choices, continually. I don’t feel good about it, but I also cannot dwell on it or I’ll go nuts. Remember, we all make our own choices and suffer or regale in the consequences. Blessings to you all, especially the young girl & the 2 kids!

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