The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Right?
Well yesterday Jeri was with a friend in Wenatchee ….so it was just Roo and I. She wanted to go with me to deliver quilts..and spend her 15$ gift certificate at the Fabric Patch. She bought a cute little kit. To make this quilt:
Isn’t it adorable?
Well here’s the deal…(This is what I really hate……all those things you hate about yourself that are then passed down to your kids.) She was so EXCITED while working on this quilt. She really did a good job of sewing it without much of my help. She traced everything, cut it out, ironed it..I helped her with borders..Just cutting them ..but she sewed them. as she was sewing her creation I would hear *squeals* of excitement followed by “this is so CUTE!”…she didn’t want to stop sewing ( until her Dad gave her an ice cream bar) …she was just plain GIDDY.
Then I loaded it on the long arm so she could quilt around everything. I saw the look on her face. I could have stopped the whole episode…I thought about it. I thought about stepping in and asking her if she wanted me to quilt it for her. But I really wanted her to do it herself…I want her to have that sense of accomplishment…and I don’t want to have that “perfectionist” attitude.
So I showed her how to outline the leaves and stipple: You can see that in this corner.
Then I let her on the machine and walked away..so I wouldn’t make her nervous. It’s never fun having someone watch over you ( I mean I did for a minute so she could operate the machine…but you know?) Next thing I heard was sobbing. The full fledged Ugly Cry! I walked over and asked what was wrong. ( she was having problems tracing around the leaves)
She started talking…..in a language we all have spoken…but don’t understand because your sobs have taken over and nothing comes out right. Then she ran off.
I already knew. She felt she had ruined her quilt by her quilting.
Her quilting skills aren’t caught up to her piecing skills. We have all been there. We have an expectation of what we want something to turn out to be… she just loved the quilt top before she started quilting and ..her heart broke because she didn’t meet her own expectation. How many times have I been through that? Lots. It’s never easy. But I also think it’s a valuable lesson. Here’s the bad part….She went in her room to have a self hating session….how she wasn’t good at anything and feeling sorry for herself. I know this isn’t good……but it’s her process..and she needs to go through the process so she will get mad and try again. Once she hates herself enough she will decide it won’t conquer her….How do I know this process so well? So while she is going through this process her Dad buts in.
He just needs to let her go through it..instead he went in and tried to reason with her. There is no reasoning during this process..he just makes it worse..then when she barks at him he gets upset. LOL He is trying to reason with her because he is a guy and logic makes sense to him…Logic to her is just further degradation. LOL I told him to leave her be…he doesn’t listen. He ends up shutting her door and telling her she is grounded to her room until she decides to talk. This didn’t make any sense to me..cause she was already in her room…..going through her pity party….which is what she wanted anyway…so he might as well have listened to me in the first place. She is as stubborn as he is..if he tries logic with her..she just won’t try again because she will have sworn it off as a bad experience. GIRLS!!
So today she is making paper airplanes from Carl’s instruction book…this seems much less stressful for her.
I think this little quilt is adorable…and I think she will one day too. I wish I could have made her better than me. LOL….So I guess my expectations are let down as well…what a curse!