Thankful

HI friends.

I am actually writing this on the first day of November. I love that on FB every November is the month of thankfulness. Many of my friends will take a moment each day to write something that they are thankful for. This tradition is WAY better than most other traditions on social media. How many things make you reflect on a daily basis how blessed we are?  yes. yes indeed.

Ironically while I am thankful for many things everyday….I just always get knocked down a notch by one of my children. Seriously.

Bryce has a new love interest. So he has been at her house meeting her parents ect. She is coming to meet us tomorrow (so this will have already happened by the time this posts for your viewing pleasure. LOL) I was trying to find out a time that she could come and I kind of wanted the whole family here. So we were discussing it and I was kind of teasing him. I said “Oh what!? are you ashamed of your whole family?” he said “No not my family…just our house”

Can you imagine how deflated that makes me feel? First of all in the normal way..of we have it so much better than so many-Rob breaks his back everyday to provide-I work really hard myself in so many ways… not just to provide-and what kind of spoiled brat are you that you aren’t thankful-> type of a way!

He said we have a small house and it’s just not as nice as other people’s homes.

I didn’t say anything. I agreed that it is small for us.

But you know what is really going through my mind?

How different I am than my kids. It’s my fault that they are the way they are…and I am proud of that…I guess. I have done such a  good job they are in no way like me. When I was young I just wanted a normal family. I wanted to grow up and have a family and be normal. I wanted to provide a safe & happy environment for my children.  I wanted to have family dinners. I wanted them to play sports & do activities. I wanted them to feel safe to talk to me about difficult subjects. I wanted to feel safe and make people around me feel comfortable & safe. I wanted healthy fulfilling relationships. I wanted everyone around me to know how I truly feel about them. I want them to be productive healthy members of society. I want them to be educated. I want them to have options in life. I wanted things that normal everyday people have. Things I didn’t have.

I never craved fame or fortune. I mean fortune in the way of comfort…sure…..but not fortune in the way other people think of fortune. I don’t try to keep up with the Jones’ or compete with anyone. I don’t understand that mentality. Living in a small town you come across that -> with woman especially.  I always want to lift people up and celebrate their blessings.  I have grown out of that young thing of feeling inadequate around rich folk…or feeling like I am less than someone else. I didn’t think that would ever happen. Because I have learned that those things don’t make you happy or sane. I think if I really wanted to be competitive and take the world by storm I could. I know I am by far not the most talented person out there…but I am a hard worker.  I could do a lot more for myself to get more work, advertising and really push myself to become “someone.” I could make myself recognizable. But I am 100% sure that my goals aren’t aligned with all of the things I have to do to accomplish that. By that I mean if it happens..than it is meant to happen……but if I am to pursue that ….then I have to invest a lot of time into money that  &  how does that  pertain to my life goals?

I seriously like spending time with my family & friends. There is nothing more important to me. Cooking for them. Playing board games. Sharing life & laughing. Catching a movie and relaxing. I like being home. I don’t want to travel unless I am traveling with my loved ones. I can’t imagine traveling for work and making appearances. I see TV shows that depict this life and it looks empty to me.  No thanks. What are we investing in? It speaks volumes about us.

Anyway got off on a rabbit trail for a moment.

I came from such humble, poor, terrible white trash beginnings. I have done everything to provide a different environment for my family. Then something happens and makes you feel humble again. I thought I had gotten rid of that inadequate feeling……yet my child can say something in one sentence and yet again I feel inadequate to him. I haven’t provided him with his wants & desires. That lasts only a minute, He is not old enough to appreciate what I have provided him. hopefully he will build upon what I have offered him. Hopefully he will not only provide a good healthy environment for his family…but he will also provide a nice BIG house with all the complete updates he seeks.  It is not my issue that he feels our home isn’t good enough-> that’s his to own, in his own timing. I feel like I am a miracle…my life is a miracle. I am keenly aware of that everyday and I don’t take it for granted if I stop & think about it. I usually do because I try to relish in all the good parts of my everyday.   I rose above so much craziness..that he is blessed far more than he can possibly imagine…and that is what I have given him! His ignorance of such terrible things is my gift to him ->For that I am really thankful!

I hope you all see the greatness in your everyday!

 

 

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