2020 Stuff

Categories: BlogBy Published On: May 14, 202049.4 min read1079 words10 Comments

Hi All,

How are we doing?

I am on a wave. One hour I will be fine and distracted just enough that I feel like I can make it through the day. I think to myself, that someday we will all get back to normal. Whatever that is anymore. I don’t even know what that looks like.

Then the next hour ,I am wreck thinking that the world is going to HE** in a hand basket and I feel very insecure and unstable.

Anyone else?

Honestly, I am not sure what I would do without my dogs and quilting.

But I seem to remember in 2019 that I was thinking I would be happy to get that year behind me and welcome 2020……I think this is where that saying comes in : Be careful what you wish for. Right>? I don’t think anyone is wishing for 2020. LOL!

So not unlike everyone else….I had a good amount of money in savings in January….I am always trying to follow the Dave Ramsey plan….have a good amount in savings. 2 of my cars had to have a significant amount of work in Jan. which ate a portion of my savings…..I lost a dog….then I had another that was hospitalized in an ER for 5 days ( she is a diabetic) and she had to have a surgery after that ( still another one to come)…and then My 3rd dog had to have a lump removed. I didn’t even want to take him in. I told Rob with our luck we will find out it’s cancer….and honestly I wasn’t sure I could hear that news. But it was benign( PTL!) …..needless to say…Savings?  What savings?

Then my teenage daughter left my freezer unsealed and I lost 1000$ worth of meat in my freezer.  I will try not to kill her…but I am still not over the pain of that yet.

I fell on my stairs and hurt my knee and back. It still kind of hurts to kneel on that knee ..but it’s not paralyzing.

My dryer broke down….the day after Rob gets it fixed…..A belt went out on my quilting machine. So my machine is down until my part arrives.

My BBQ needs a part to work……

The truck started acting funny…so Rob had to take it in last week….The third car that needed work this year….Thankfully it was less than 1000$ after all was said and done.

FOLKS!! Those aren’t the only bad things that have happened. Each week as this black cloud of pressure, politics, ect I have a significant event or something that happens….and I wonder if this is how life is supposed to be? LOL I hope this is not going to be my new normal. I raised 6 kids…..I am tired. I don’t want these to be my golden years. This is terrible.

None of these things are earth shattering. ( I mean accept maybe losing my dog….I still miss her daily…I literally think about her multiple times a day. I wonder if I will ever get over losing her.) But it seems like when the gray covid cloud is luming….the rest is just chipping….chipping…chipping away.  I feel like some days I don’t even recognize myself.

I go to bed praying, I wake up praying , I write down 3 things that I am thankful for each day…..even when I have spent a whole day treading water—> I will find 3 things to write down. I have to do this. Every.Single.Day.

I have to make myself take it all in and just find those 3 things that let me know not everything is bad. There are moments when I think I can’t handle one more thing  breaking or I will break.

But what do we do? None of this is in our control…..so I am just doing the best I can to distract myself and focus on anything good. I am watching light hearted TV. reading inspirational books, sewing, quilting, hand stitching and doing odd ball chores. The main parts of my house could be a disaster….but having that one clean drawer seems to help me feel in control of something. It makes zero sense….I know.

Rob is working 6 days a week …so I am thankful he has his job. But it’s also stressful because he will have to work 6 days a week through October …so he didn’t get much down time this year and he’s no spring chicken. I am just hoping his body doesn’t break down. I pray for that daily.

So this is what I have to do. Calm Myself in the storm. Sometimes I call a friend of mine who is on the same page as me…to just vent. Get it out, hear some reason and move on.

I have gained a bunch of weight.  I started counting calories and working out again. I have also realized that I am not as young as I was a few years ago and my recovery and body aren’t as quick to recover as it has been in the past.   That’s not a fun reality. LOL! I also realize that I really miss the swimming pool. Which can’t be open due to the invisible enemy. UGH!

All I can do is take it moment by moment, focus on the goodm distract myself and keep myself healthy. That’s it.

I am also doing what I can with my business. I was thwarted ( like most other small business owners) because of the invisible enemy. But I am doing the best I can and working the avenues that I can to maximize my business.  I am trying new things, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and knocking on more doors. what do I have to lose? the worst thing that can happen is rejection, right? We have all experienced that and it’s a part of life. I can live with rejection. I can’t live with not trying. I can’t live with the unknown.

I am the only one who can make anything happen in my life. I will figure it out. Somehow. someway. That’s just who I am.

I just wanted to share all of this because I know in my weak moments I feel alone. Maybe one of you might feel that too. You’re not alone. I am on this crazy roller coaster too.

xoxox

Charisma

 

 

 

 

 

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10 Comments

  1. Tammy Pound May 14, 2020 at 9:37 pm - Reply

    It is definitely crazy times. Each of us are, or are not, coping as best we can. I’m far away from home struggling with my own health issues while caregiving for another on hospice. It is its own special kind of grind. I just hope people will come through this with a little more kindness, compassion, and love for their fellow human beings. Caring for self is super important. Caring about others can change our communities, and the world.

    • Charisma May 15, 2020 at 11:03 am - Reply

      Tammy I am so sorry that you are going through this time. I know it is so easy for me to take my health for granted….but the worse thing when you are sick is to be away from our comfort of home. I will be praying for you tonight. Sending you a big hug. As for the person that you are caring for…I am incredibly sorry…..but I believe you are doing God’s work ( I am not sure if you are believer….so whomever you believe) and the love and kindness that you are displaying will leave an everlasting effect on everyone.

  2. Hope D May 14, 2020 at 10:19 pm - Reply

    My heart aches for all of us who are going thru stressful situations caused by the uncertain, unknown future of life in this world. My anchor is my faith, it is the only thing that is keeping me sane, balanced, calm and hopeful. I visited Poland and Austria last year and saw the concentration camps and the memorials built to remember the ones who died. So many died yet there was a man in my tour group who was a child in Poland during the German occupation. He told his story of his family’s survival. He made it to America with his mother and sister. His dad joined the family several years after the war ended. It was a long story and they had a difficult time but they all survived. He and his sister were in Poland retracing their histories. We will survive and hopefully come thru this experience wiser and stronger. I am missing my grandsons, my son and daughter in law, holidays, birthdays and my church/Bible study friends. Chatting on skpe is not the same as hugs and giggles.

    • charisma May 15, 2020 at 11:08 am - Reply

      Hi Hope,
      I know. I feel pain for people who don’t have faith. It’s difficult for me to understand. I feel insecure at times and I know who I can look to, to help me not feel that way. I can’t imagine not having nay direction at all. I think all of us are hurting for social connection. It’s a struggle. we are made for connection.
      I am thankful that we are in the situation we are in….and not in the situation that your guide had to love through…..I pray we never have to experience that. many blessings .

  3. Patricia Arbuckel May 15, 2020 at 5:15 am - Reply

    Good Morning My Dear,
    I know this is a hard time. With faith we will get thru this . I am feeling the same
    my husband has been sick for the last 2 and half years now and one one knows why
    we may find out with an autopsy lol . The dog had an seizure . my brother is mentally handicapped so he doesn’t understand this at all.. But I have Jesus, food and a roof so I
    will be ok … each Saturday I cook a big meal and share with 7 members of the church that may need it makes them happy and me happy.. prayers and love .
    As soon as I find batting I will send you a top to do
    Love love Pat

    • charisma May 15, 2020 at 11:10 am - Reply

      Hi Pat, Your heart is amazing! I know you have been having your OWN struggles and I have been praying for you. I can’t imagine what you are going through. My freezer issue is nothing compared to what you are going through…and you still give every drop of yourself to people that surround you. You are amazing! such a light. I hope you have an amazing day…..and do something for yourself. xoxox

  4. Jess Cole May 15, 2020 at 3:56 pm - Reply

    So sorry you had such a run of bad luck, while we are already in the midst of a storm. I do believe there is joy on the other side of this strange time. I’m sending a virtual hug and saying a prayer for your day tomorrow. I pray you find peace and balance. I think you are amazing.

    • charisma May 18, 2020 at 11:03 am - Reply

      Hi Jess,
      Thank you so much! I truly appreciate that. I hope you have a peace filled day as well! We all need them. blessings.

  5. Janet May 16, 2020 at 6:26 am - Reply

    I’ve been thinking a lot about the embroidery retreat last fall and how very much I enjoyed that weekend. And then I get sad because I think, “What if we can never have another gathering like that again?” But I am holding out hope that we will, and that you will host it, and that we will have all that amazing food and fellowship and learning once more. In the meantime, I pray for peace for you during this rough patch. You are amazing and an inspiration!

    • Charisma May 18, 2020 at 11:02 am - Reply

      Thank you Janet. I hope we will be able to do those gatherings again. We need them as human beings. Thank you for the prayers. They work miracles…as we know. I hope you have a wonderful day!

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