How are we doing?
I am on a wave. One hour I will be fine and distracted just enough that I feel like I can make it through the day. I think to myself, that someday we will all get back to normal. Whatever that is anymore. I don’t even know what that looks like.
Then the next hour ,I am wreck thinking that the world is going to HE** in a hand basket and I feel very insecure and unstable.
Honestly, I am not sure what I would do without my dogs and quilting.
But I seem to remember in 2019 that I was thinking I would be happy to get that year behind me and welcome 2020……I think this is where that saying comes in : Be careful what you wish for. Right>? I don’t think anyone is wishing for 2020. LOL!
So not unlike everyone else….I had a good amount of money in savings in January….I am always trying to follow the Dave Ramsey plan….have a good amount in savings. 2 of my cars had to have a significant amount of work in Jan. which ate a portion of my savings…..I lost a dog….then I had another that was hospitalized in an ER for 5 days ( she is a diabetic) and she had to have a surgery after that ( still another one to come)…and then My 3rd dog had to have a lump removed. I didn’t even want to take him in. I told Rob with our luck we will find out it’s cancer….and honestly I wasn’t sure I could hear that news. But it was benign( PTL!) …..needless to say…Savings? What savings?
Then my teenage daughter left my freezer unsealed and I lost 1000$ worth of meat in my freezer. I will try not to kill her…but I am still not over the pain of that yet.
I fell on my stairs and hurt my knee and back. It still kind of hurts to kneel on that knee ..but it’s not paralyzing.
My dryer broke down….the day after Rob gets it fixed…..A belt went out on my quilting machine. So my machine is down until my part arrives.
My BBQ needs a part to work……
The truck started acting funny…so Rob had to take it in last week….The third car that needed work this year….Thankfully it was less than 1000$ after all was said and done.
FOLKS!! Those aren’t the only bad things that have happened. Each week as this black cloud of pressure, politics, ect I have a significant event or something that happens….and I wonder if this is how life is supposed to be? LOL I hope this is not going to be my new normal. I raised 6 kids…..I am tired. I don’t want these to be my golden years. This is terrible.
None of these things are earth shattering. ( I mean accept maybe losing my dog….I still miss her daily…I literally think about her multiple times a day. I wonder if I will ever get over losing her.) But it seems like when the gray covid cloud is luming….the rest is just chipping….chipping…chipping away. I feel like some days I don’t even recognize myself.
I go to bed praying, I wake up praying , I write down 3 things that I am thankful for each day…..even when I have spent a whole day treading water—> I will find 3 things to write down. I have to do this. Every.Single.Day.
I have to make myself take it all in and just find those 3 things that let me know not everything is bad. There are moments when I think I can’t handle one more thing breaking or I will break.
But what do we do? None of this is in our control…..so I am just doing the best I can to distract myself and focus on anything good. I am watching light hearted TV. reading inspirational books, sewing, quilting, hand stitching and doing odd ball chores. The main parts of my house could be a disaster….but having that one clean drawer seems to help me feel in control of something. It makes zero sense….I know.
Rob is working 6 days a week …so I am thankful he has his job. But it’s also stressful because he will have to work 6 days a week through October …so he didn’t get much down time this year and he’s no spring chicken. I am just hoping his body doesn’t break down. I pray for that daily.
So this is what I have to do. Calm Myself in the storm. Sometimes I call a friend of mine who is on the same page as me…to just vent. Get it out, hear some reason and move on.
I have gained a bunch of weight. I started counting calories and working out again. I have also realized that I am not as young as I was a few years ago and my recovery and body aren’t as quick to recover as it has been in the past. That’s not a fun reality. LOL! I also realize that I really miss the swimming pool. Which can’t be open due to the invisible enemy. UGH!
All I can do is take it moment by moment, focus on the goodm distract myself and keep myself healthy. That’s it.
I am also doing what I can with my business. I was thwarted ( like most other small business owners) because of the invisible enemy. But I am doing the best I can and working the avenues that I can to maximize my business. I am trying new things, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and knocking on more doors. what do I have to lose? the worst thing that can happen is rejection, right? We have all experienced that and it’s a part of life. I can live with rejection. I can’t live with not trying. I can’t live with the unknown.
I am the only one who can make anything happen in my life. I will figure it out. Somehow. someway. That’s just who I am.
I just wanted to share all of this because I know in my weak moments I feel alone. Maybe one of you might feel that too. You’re not alone. I am on this crazy roller coaster too.