This week

I made 9 loaves of banana bread

Banana walnut~ banana chocolate chip &  banana white chocolate chip cranberry pecan bread……deliciousness! Somehow baking makes me feel accomplished. I am not sure why. I can get something done and it feels so nice. Nice because my house smells yummy, the oven creates warmth and there is a delicious treat in the end. Is this one of those gender specific things? One of those habits we create because our society says that we are supposed to find comfort in baking ( as women) or is it simply something I innately like to do? I can’t tell any more. Sometimes I think I don’t need to define things like that..I just need to enjoy them while/when I can. Who cares why I find enjoyment in them? Why do I need to THINK about things so much? Making that bread made me feel like I was finally home. I have not been “home” the last couple of weeks. I mean I have been here..I just hadn’t adjusted yet. As much work as I have to do..I have been struggling with sleep, energy and feelings.

One of the reasons..meds. I am taking so pretty hefty antibiotics to ward off Malaria. I have to take it for several weeks after my return because malaria can present itself weeks after exposure.  The side effects of the meds are fatigue, drowsiness ..along with several other unpleasant things. But all of that is better than malaria..so I will take it.

Another reason is that you can’t leave a place like Haiti unscathed. I am here in this world..where holidays and “holiday stress” are all around. I am not stressed. I am wondering why we make ourselves so stressed with this craziness that doesn’t matter? Why are we all consumed with things. Why don’t we understand that simple things are the best things. All the simple things we take for granted. I am not prideful. I am not saying that I don’t get wrapped up in this stuff myself ( at times) but it so much more clear right now. Clarity is such a bugger honestly. Sometimes I think I would rather be blind….because then I couldn’t see my own mistakes and faults. I often wonder if I have done a good job with raising my kids. They don’t get it. They think I am mean and old fashioned. I am to far north. This is the story of all teen age parents…I know.  I still have to go through the process.

On top of making all the sweet breads yesterday… I also made dinner with the theme “appetizer night” …its fun and the kids love it. Lots of their favorite foods all mixed into one meal. It was fun because we just got to sample several small things and  mix and match our favorites. It’s all comfort food..which is what we needed. It’s been cold, gray and frosty here. A little comfort food goes a long way.

I also finished a personal quilt. It’s been sitting halfway finished for 7 weeks on Serena. ( Serena is the name of my 18 inch machine). I needed to get it off the frame so a few friends could come over and use her….plus I just wanted to finish something…I love it! It is a vintage tablecloth that I turned into a quilt. I will show it after it gets binding by Beth. It has scalloped borders and it won’t look as pretty without the binding. So we will have to wait. I can say I am totally addicted to vintage linens now ..I have several that I picked up at our church yard sale this last summer. I am totally thinking I need to start yard-saleing. I always say I will..but then I never do. Time….Time…Time.

This weekend is exciting one of my Besties, Carla is coming for the weekend. It’s been a long time. I have had to cancel all of my engagements over with her because I was doing quilting shows. Then my little trip to Haiti kind of took over …..and now that all of that is behind me. I am going to make some adjustments to my schedule for 2013. Each year I have been going through this process and making Progress. Last year I set the goal of actually finishing my own projects…I finished several ( I would dare say even more than the average bear) and that I would take days off. I always take Sundays off. It was difficult at first. But now I actually almost have an aversion to entering the studio on Sundays…unless it’s for personal use.  Of course I didn’t follow through with weight loss or exercise goals….that happens every year and I fail. miserably. But I think if I just keep building upon past goals that I actually do make, eventually it will come. It has always been my habit to focus on what I didn’t do rather than what I have done… I have been doing so well with recognizing some of my strengths. So this year my goal is to focus on what I LOVE. Not what will make my bank account full. (it’s never full…I have 6 kids) Not what will please others. Why do I need to focus on everyone else. I can’t. It’s not possible. I just need to focus on my family and friends. The things I am truly passionate about….and my Faith.  I go before the church board this weekend to take the first steps in my calling. I am excited! Carla always seems to come on my big events……even when she doesn’t know? It’s pretty amazing! God has weaved us together. :)

So last night on DWTS……( my fav Show) the worse part of the season finale is that it is the last show of the season…I hate that it has to end. But I was SUPER happy that Melissa and Tony won. Honestly, I wanted her to win. I actually watched the season of her on Bachelor. *disclaimer* I did watch that show for only a few seasons…but I am not proud..and I quit watching..lol. I think she is sweet, adorable, and she did some amazing dances on this season. I thought Shawn and Derek were amazing as well..it was really a toss-up for me. But I had to root for the underdogs.  So the fact that they both finally got a trophy was icing! Derek does amazing choreography….STUNNING!

So that was my day yesterday….lots of things that I accomplished….but the biggest accomplishment was just being present….just being HOME.  I love HOME. I am grateful for HOME.