Regrets?

In The book I am reading called “happy Self” ( I mentioned it before) I came across this last night in my reading.

I am pretty sure I read this before and I am calling myself out on this. I think, I am going to have a few of these regrets.

I have been thinking about this for 24 hours. I am not really sure how to change some of this. I think that I can make lots of excuses as to why I am poor at some of these things. so does that mean I don’t want to change them? If that is the case …why?

I am not really sure I have it all sorted out yet. so I thought I would go through each one and write it out. Sometimes that helps me. But maybe after I write it out maybe some of my wiser friends can help enlighten me.

5. I wish that I would have let myself be happier. I am trying to figure out what happy is. I have realized that THINGS don’t make me happy. I have realized that losing weight didn’t make me happy. Earthly things basically aren’t making me happy. All I can come up with is that inner peace and balance equate to happiness. Is this true? I don’t know. I only have fleeting moments of these things. I haven’t been able to really to achieve some constant level of any of these things. I can tell you that simple things bring me pleasure. Is this happiness>?Walking my dogs. Family dinner. Stitching with a cup of tea. Reading a book. I don’t know? I really want to know what it means to be truly happy. I think I am always trying to get to this …and it escapes me.

4. I wish that I had stayed in touch with my friends. This swallows me whole. I am TERRIBLE about this. From my closest friends to my casual friends. I am a Terrible friend. Honestly…I think it’s because of #2. When someone comes to talk or call me I am usually 100% focused and I will give them my attention. If someone needs me I try to be there. I don’t read minds…so I will need that communicated to me. But honestly I have created this “world” in my head and I get lost in space and time EVERY-SINGLE-DAY. Now that I am not having to take care of 6 children….I spend more time in my head and home that times honestly escapes me and before I know it weeks and months have gone by and I haven’t reached out to anyone. It’s a terrible thing. Then what do you do ? It becomes awkward and I feel bad. I will think about everyone all day long, pray in the mornings and evenings. I have a long list of people that I am always thinking about ….and I get sidetracked. It is nothing personal. I am just a hermit. What a terrible excuse.

3. I wish that I had the courage to express my feelings. So I feel like I have gotten WAY better at this in my life. I have learned who I can and cannot express my feelings to. I mostly surround myself with safe people who know my heart. I feel like I can set healthy boundaries with most people. I have learned in my life that people who don’t respect me, aren’t deserving of my time. So I simply don’t give them my time. I have been called controlling, mean, heartless….yadda-yadda. But at the end of the day I don’t really care about those names. My life is too short to be sacrificing anymore of myself and not expressing myself to achieve a safe environment.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

This one also just got to me. I WORK hard all of the time. Every-day of the week. When I am not working, I am thinking about work. How can I achieve this goal? How can I get this done? How can I learn this next thing? I need to get these 50 tasks done a day. I am in a little bit of a situation on this because I LOVE quilting. It’s my passion. I was able to turn my hobby into a business. So I have to try to keep myself in check. But then on top of that I am hoping to make a business so successful that my husband can be a part of it…so I am trying really hard to make that a reality. But when is it enough ? At some point I need to quilt spinning the wheel and take a breath and relax. I am not sure that’s possible? But I do think about it. I think if I ever did stop it might be a permanent thing. LOL

1. living a life true to myself and not the expectations of others.

Right? So I honestly think I have gotten way better at this as well. Being true to myself means not being bulldozed. Setting healthy boundaries and knowing myself. I know myself ..most of the time. I have to ask myself all of the time when people in my life are trying to “tell me what to do” or make suggestions on what I should do ect….I ask “How is their life” or “how do they manage this area in their life” …I have learned that getting financial advice from a bank robber probably isn’t the wisest choice. So I have learned to trust myself in most areas. I have managed myself for several years and I have made so many good choices in my life …and I have learned along the way, when I didn’t. If God brings me to it …He will take me through it. That’s my philosophy.

So I guess I have a good handle on 2 out of 5 of these. But the happiness thing…..I need to understand this concept fully….I think it’s a state of “being” and not a fleeting emotion. And I am not sure what exactly it means…Can anyone explain this to me?

So any of you feel like you have a good handle on this? Or when you read this list did it just grab you …?

Lots to think about.

I hope you all have a good day…with no regrets!

xoxox

C