Life Keeps Turning

So I have been in a funk ( burnout)…I got out of the funk with a few pretty great quilting projects and piecing a few of my own. I also cleaned and sorted quite a few piles and bins of fabric. Knocking out plenty of UFO’s. Although I found another UFO last night…really? yes…really. Dang. My Japanese fan. That’s no quick easy fix. LOL

I have been letting the fear and stress of letting my oldest go…that I seem to forget what I have going with the rest of my kiddos. So last night was  some victory and also some rejection.

Bryce has a basketball game.

This is a victory because Bryce made it to try outs a day late, he didn’t play last year ( he’s a sophomore) and he isn’t blessed with giant genes. He has a heart for sports. So he didn’t make the cut. He REALLY wanted to play. so he kept showing up to practice anyway. Then he became team manager. If you come from a jock family ( like ours) that’s pretty much like the worse roll on the team. He just wanted “IN” and he worked himself onto the team. He worked really hard. I was scared. All last year Bryce had bad grades. So I kept him from doing anything because the grades are more important to me than sports or hobbies. Especially since I have begun to really resent the whole sports issue. In this house it has taken over….so I have kind of boycotted the whole thing….and resisted it. I have a few dads that placed more importance on that stuff rather than personality development and grades…now they have come around but I had to suffer for quite some time.  Bryce has a bad attitude. He won’t follow through on things if it is to hard. He doesn’t put the extra elbow grease in..and he will let himself fail rather than follow through.  I hate that. I am so stubborn I can’t let something beat me..unless it really is out of my spectrum. I have always been a hard worker..so is Landon…..so this baffles us. ( spoiled kids!)

So anyway he really wanted a spot on the team and he showed up, he worked hard and for several weeks it was in the balance. We didn’t know if his coach would relent. I kind of wanted to just pull him out because his heart was all in…and if his coach just kept leading him on and didn’t let him play I thought it would crush him for eternity ( dramatic?) and he may never follow through again. If the one time he follows through and he doesn’t get what he worked so hard for….crushing. I know it’s part of life..but I didn’t want it to be one of the first things? If he gets a positive result he may be willing to try again…finally the coach gave in and gave him a  jersey. He has been able to play a few times…and he hold his coach up in up-most respect.  Which is also a good thing because he doesn’t really do that with anyone. So Rob and a few of the boys wen to watch him play last night…it was finally a local game.

While there the coach also happens to be the art teacher.

Carl really wanted to get into art class..but as a freshman they don’t let freshman take art. The new semester just started..the coach saw some of Carl’s drawings ( his doodles that he made in another class during down time)   He asked Carl “Why aren’t you in my art class?” Carl said “Because I am a freshman.” Well last night he told Carl that he would get him in the class if he wanted to start..as it’s a new semester this week. Carl was on cloud 9 because he gets to be in the art class. He is willing to dump just about any class to get in. LOL So in his asperger  style he was obsessing….and going over it all..several times. He finally got it all worked out.

Well Cole and Preston had a school dance last night.

Cole refused to go (after buying all of his costume supplies the night before) because there is a girl who apparently really likes him….and he has rejected her several times. She won’t leave him alone…and he didn’t want to have to deal with her at the dance. Cole is really popular at school. I hear it from everybody…and his ego is as big as our house. I can’t wait for something to really humble him…really.  But he is the kid who hasn’t really failed at anything ( unlike Bryce) and in fact makes it so he can control his environment…to keep himself from failing. I can kind of identify with this. Cole is a hard worker ..as he has gotten older he has become a bit resentful of that..I think it’s the nature of our house….some lazy ones..so the hard workers get the brunt of the load. But I have noticed that Cole tends to like girls with issues. UGH!

Preston on the other hand..was super excited to go to the dance…and  went without his brother…as all his besties were there. He was charged and amped to go..had his costume everything. So He calls for me to pick him up..I get in the car and start talking asking him about the dance….I asked “did you dance with any girls?” A flood of tears started coming.

I was kind of dumb struck.

I wanted to start crying myself. The poor guy. So we talked about it….he was rejected by the one girl he really liked. They talk on FB alot and she said she liked him..then she said she didn’t at the dance. She didn’t dance with anyone else…but she wouldn’t dance with him. He was so heartbroken.  I tried to tell him how great he was…how smart he was..and how cute I think he is….I know it’s not the same..I know I can’t cure his broken heart. I wish I knew what to say in those moments. It takes all of three minutes to drive home from the school…so I circled our block like ten times…..I didn’t want him to walk into our testosterone laden home..with tears or a puffy eyes. I tried to make him laugh and get it cleared up before we walked in..so he wouldn’t have to tell anyone…or be made fun of. As we were walking in the door..clearly he had a red face….I said I won’t tell them..he said “If anyone asks I was kicked in the testicles, ok?”

I said OK. LOL

I let him go down the stairs and started cracking up. Isn’t that going to create a whole lot more questions? Thank You, Jesus nobody asked. LOL

He is so sensitive….and he has to hide so much of it because he is the youngest and the culture of  2 of his older brothers ( Cole and Bryce) creates this horrible environment of manly, testosterone, and stupid ideas of what masculinity is…. He can’t ever just be himself….without facing ridicule. Drives me bonkers. But at this age…mom’s are dumb…and they need to break away…

So I am just there to comfort and love. Comfort and love.

I am blessed.