Free Love

Rob and I were having a talk last night…we had an hour to kill and needed a “break” from our everyday “drama” …..we were going to a bible study like we do on Tuesdays. Arby’s is Rob most favorite place on earth…..of all the 5 star places …he would still choose Arby’s.  Seriously. We decided to drive 25 minutes to get Arby’s and then eat while driving back to the church. Waste of gas money- yes. Waste of time- yes9 or no) and waste of money – depends on who you ask..me or him. I like Arby’s and it was my idea..actually…I just wanted a break.  I sit in my studio all day by myself …thinking.

While on the road we were discussing parenting. Enabling parents. How parents actually hinder and hurt their kids because they enable them instead of teaching them how to live in the world on their own. I get so worked up about this because other parents think I am “hard” on my kids.

I have been watching a lot of Dr. Phil. I record them. It seems that 90% of them lately have been about enablers. I mentioned this to Rob and he said “yeah…because it’s our culture. Kids get ribbons for losing. Kids don’t have to accept accountability or responsibility for their actions. Even as parents we try to make them and in society they  { our kids} are told that they don’t have to.”

Just looking at the situation with my family..my mother is a horrible enabler….she would rather not be around a bunch of drug addicts, pay their bills, bail and whatever else than be alone. Isn’t that selfish? Dr. Phil is always calling out these parents. He says these parents feel good helping their kids…so they are selfish because it makes them feel good to help rather than to make their kids fly out on their own. Or the enabling parents feel guilty because they didn’t make the best choices..so they further the damage by enabling. In the case of our daughter’s boyfriend same thing. He is 20 years old. They don’t make him do anything because he had a rough childhood….and now both of his parents are gone. Seriously? I had a rough childhood…and I have always worked..and taken care of my responsibility. His caretaker says he will implement a plan and then doesn’t follow through…and there is always an excuse.  Our daughter’s boyfriend also says he will be strong and not let our daughter’s mental illness effect him or his decisions. The minute they get in trouble..he says it’s her fault. really? Who is the adult…..? Who said that she wouldn’t corrupt him? It’s astonishing really.  I could go on and on about this guy and his delusions…but it’s pointless. Life (or my daughter will chew him up and spit him out)

I am worn out…..I need to quit thinking about it. But I have to say that I lose respect everyday the more bad parenting I see….it’s so judgmental because clearly..I have made mistakes. I am a control freak and I can’t let them out of my site…..I live in fear ..most of the time. But I do believe in follow through. I believe in doing what I say. I believe in preparing these kids to be able to survive in life without my help. They need to be educated and hard working. They need to love God and people. So simple…and yet so many of us fail…..why? Who’s agenda are we on? Our own…or God’s?

We don’t believe in “FREE LOVE” I don’t believe in what the hippies believed in..I don’t think of love as sleeping with every person around…and all of that. However…I do believe that love doesn’t have a cost. I believe in “No strings attached” type of love. Jesus died for us because he loved us..we didn’t pay for that. He paid for us. God gave him to us….No strings attached.  I believe loving our children has nothing to do with GIVING them THINGS……It has nothing to do with giving them MONEY. Love has nothing to do with sacrificing more than we should of ourselves for someone else. Love is FREE. God gives it to us everyday…whether we think we deserve it or not. I don’t have to show my love with material possessions or by doing anything. I can just love. I can say it..I can show it when it is needed and appropriate. But I can’t make someone feel love…I can’t make someone love me by handing them the world. The world is corrupt…and empty. All the people that go out to conquer the world…always end up feeling empty as well.  The people that find true love along the way…..full….over-flowing. Heart swelling love..because Love covers all…and guess what folks? It’s free. Free for the taking!

I am trying to soften my heart..just as God does for me when I falter and fail. I need not judge….it does no good anyway. It just makes me angry and bitter and I need to let it go. It’s just so difficult when you can see something so clearly and you can’t control it. But isn’t that a lesson we learn all the time..we are never in control. Thank God Love is free!