Slow Motion

That’s how I feel lately. Like I am in slow motion. I am working constantly but I am not getting much accomplished. I am in my studio for a good portion of the day and night….but not really putting the pedal to the medal…you know?

My brain is tired. I have shut down and it’s good to just relax. I know this time will end. This next week my DH will be back to work and my kids will be back at school and all things will resume….back no normal hmmmph.

But working on the bow tie border that I added here.  I had several clippings from the corner units to make 110 HST…all 1 inch. A normal…sane person might just throw those away ..I on the other hand couldn’t seem to waste them? So I spent a good portion of my day sewing, ironing, clipping and arranging them. Many of them were not even..so trying to sort..ugh! It was driving me crazy. Finally I just decided to put them in something. I made a few pinwheels. The rest I randomly sewed together because I was going bonkers. I made these:

Then I had a few leftover bow ties…and decided to make the center for my 2013 Round Robin. I don’t own a 1930’s quilt ( well other than the Vintage 1929…and I also have a 30’s GFG that is being hand quilted right now). But I don’t have a stash of 30’s fabrics…and I haven’t been as attracted to them as more modern prints. But after quilting so many..I have fallen in love with them ( like I need another thing to fall in love with?)…they are just so charming…and colorful( usually).

I also quilted this vintage Christmas quilt.  I thought about it and thought about it. UGH! I hate it when I do that. I wanted the quilting to match the theme of the quilt. Vintage quilts call for hand quilting ….hand quilting isn’t in my vocabulary…doesn’t compute? Not because I don’t love it…but because I am already paying for someone to hand quilt one for me…and it isn’t a goal I can really set for myself to do. So I am confined by my abilities…..Well timewise abilities. So Cross hatching is an option….and baptist fans..those are vintage…and simple to accent my simple top. I love the Baptist fans..it is by far my FAVORITE Loricle board.  I did however use a shiny glide thread for quilting…because a little tinsel on the tree never hurts right? I wanted to try it out and I had the perfect beige color. The first couple rows of fans..I was second guessing myself..I wasn’t in love with it. Felt like I had ruined my quilt.  Silly me right? I think I am so used to having a birds eye view of a quilt top…accenting each specific area that it was hard to quilt an all over design on this particular quilt. after it was finished and I pulled it off the frame..I do love it. I used a cotton batting so I can wash and dry it to give it the antique crinkly look. I want it to be comfy and cozy. I am actually going to use this one. :)

Last night we also had Movie night at church. Rob gets to pick the movies cause it’s kind of his deal. So we had to watch Mega-Mind. Umm not my favorite but finding a good family movie is difficult for Rob since he doesn’t ever watch that kind. But it’s always a nice thing being with church family. We are also having a big new Years eve Game night party at church…that will be fun and I am going to make this snack ( perfect timing for Jo to post this). Garbage can mix is explaining that perfectly. But it creates tons of food..and will be good for game night. :) Thanks JO!

I have been catching up on my DVR shows. One of the shows I have been recording is Joyce Meyer. I have been watching them all day. Can I just say how perfect God’s timing is? She is just preaching away and I am being convicted left and right!

I am a worrier..no secret, I know. But it’s such a sin…so that is the first lesson. I honestly think I need this lesson every day. I should just replay it every morning before I get out of bed. She brought up some great points. Who has peace while worrying? NOBODY!  Who thinks worrying is involved in FAITH? No one. That is just the tip of the iceberg. she also explained the difference between voicing concern and worry. We need to take everything to prayer.

Can I just confess right now what I have let gnarl me up into a nasty ball lately? my Daughter, Jeri. I have shared many of her issues. I have been praying for her for years. I have been the helicopter parent for a long time. I am trying to get her to recognize  the choices she makes and how at 17 ( almost 18) she needs to start thinking long term. She is supposed to be getting ready for college….thinking about her future ect. I have given myself an extra 25 pounds, gray hairs and pimples. I am so “stressed” ( my word for worried as if that makes it better) because she isn’t getting it. I worry that she will flunk out of college her first semester and waste her scholarship. So much in fact it keeps me up at night. I obsess about it. She doesn’t realize that this is her FREE ticket to freedom. A little hard work and focus and she can make something of herself. I keep thinking “What did I do wrong?” “Why does she do this to herself?”

I know I am just like every other parent. I know that she will have to make her own choices, mistakes and pull herself out. I am making it very clear to her that I will help her but I won’t enable her. God does that for us. He lets us fall so we can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off…figure out the narrow path and grow from the lesson. I have made it clear that if she throws away her scholarship..I won’t even so much as pay for one book or class. She will be on her own because she has been given a mighty gift that many young adults would give their right arm for. 100 grand for education? yes indeed.  I wish I could want it for her…but I can’t. I have to let her fail so she can learn…the hard way.  How do I let go and let God? How do I not just keep beating her over the head with this talk and let it go? 

Yesterday we also had to have the talk with her love interest Jesse ( and her). Jesse likes being here. He likes the environment of our home. We are a loving family that LIVES life. Lots of kids-young adults like being here. It’s a safe healthy environment. I like that about our home. However, Jeri can’t keep herself off of him. She has learned bad things in her troubled youth…..and she feels she needs to smother him. We don’t let them go on dates. we try to talk to her so she can take it upon herself to control herself. She doesn’t. This means the brunt of the responsibility falls on Jesse. We have also talked with him by himself. He is a really good kid. Doesn’t recognize how unhealthy our daughter is and he wasn’t to “rescue” her. UGH!  Can I just say how difficult this is for me? Do I want her with a nice guy? Yes. However, Do I want a completely nice guy to be manipulated and heart broken in the end? No. But in the end I have to choose the lesser of two evils. I would rather her choose a nice guy to ruin than deal with some jerk who will take advantage of the situation. So I have to deal with what I have.  He wants to come over and hang out every day. Not just for her …but for the family environment and our boys.Rob and  I had to have the hard talk to say “No”. We explained that they are spending to much time together…Jeri can’t focus cause she has Jesse on her brain. Also if she continues down this path of all this ‘affection” what will be left when they are able to go on an actual date? I don’t think they will stay pure and true to what they want. I think he will be able to control himself for a bit longer than she..in all honestly. That’s why I feel bad for him.

So my worries….this is consuming me. I am going to have some deep prayerful time with God. I will continue to guide and direct them…but I can’t lay awake and night wondering which new angle I can take to make her understand. Soon it will no longer be my job…I have to hand her over and pray that she lets God lead instead of herself. You know what else Joyce pointed out?  When you give a problem to God in prayer…it almost always gets worse before it gets better. I believe Satan does that so we will give up. But also because change is difficult and nobody likes to be convicted. It’s going to get real hard for me to let go…..my anxiety is going to get worse about not worrying..LOL It’s weird that, that actually makes sense?

I guess that needs to be a 2013 resolution for myself…less worry. More peace.