Well I thought it was time for an update. I have been so busy with everything I haven’t been as engaged on my blog. I used to be here all of the time posting my writings and babblings…thoughts ect.
It’s been awhile. Lots of reasons. But probably, mostly because I feel like I don’t have much to say. I am not real excited to write about my adult kids. They aren’t making good choices and I can’t honestly say that I am proud of them. They aren’t dead or in jail…so I guess I am supposed to be OK with that as people keep saying to me. They pay their own bills by working legal jobs and they seem to be surviving…I am not really sure how I am supposed to deal with all of this….but I try to keep myself occupied so I don’t fall into the why? how? ect. All I know is that I raised good kids, I did my best and the fact that they have thrown away college and have chosen a hard way of life is beyond me. I don’t get it. None of them have decent jobs that can sustain them long term. IN fact one of them works 2 fast food jobs. One of them is going to be to old to be on our insurance soon enough and I have no idea what will happen then…but as they say “They are adults…they will figure it out”. I guess they will. I refuse to enable. So I won’t help them unless they are helping themselves. Meaning making strives to improve their lives. I guess the other good thing is that I am not a grandparent yet…I am sure it’s just a matter of time with how irresponsible that some of them have been as of late. But again….not in my control. So I am just praying….hoping…wishing. I am sure every mother on the planet understand where I am at-> at this point ( well all of the mothers of adult children who don’t make good choices)
So moving on to other things…. Roo started High school. Here is her “First day of school ” picture.
It’s difficult to believe that my youngest child is in high school. But honestly….I am ready. I think. almost. haha!
Roo has surprised me this year. She and I went on a trip together in June. We went to the Mall of America in Minnesota. We met my brother Aaron there with his daughter who is Roo’s age. It was a pleasure trip and my brother and I love shopping. So does Roo. So we ate, shopped and shopped some more. But it was her first time flying and traveling with me…especially by ourselves. Sometimes she can be a snarly teen with me. But we honestly traveled well together. She was considerate. She shared meals with me to save money…well honestly it was more because we both eat like birds. But it is always a compromise because we tend to never choose the same things on the menu. Now she has gone vegan ,so it’s even more difficult. I support her and try to do my best to make vegan meals. I have had to give up dairy anyway because I am lactose intolerant. So meal planning is interesting around here. However, I have talked her into eating fish ( as long as it isn’t farm raised…it has to be wild caught) and eggs….which we try to buy local from people who take care of their chickens. Everything is a little bit more cost wise. But she needs protein. She has lost 10 pounds and she had gotten a bit lethargic ect…because she was not getting enough protein. I refuse to let her supplement. She needs to get her nutrients from food. Anyway, getting back to our trip…. She had a budget to spend for her school clothes and she had saved all of her birthday and work money. So she had a lot of money to spend. IN fact she didn’t spend it all. She made a list of all of the things she wanted to get and she was really good about keeping track of the inventory she wanted and did really well budget wise. She really liked a store called “Ragstock” which is exclusive to Minnesota. There was 5 or 6 of them through out the mall. They all had different things…so we made it to every single one of them. They were vintage and second hand clothes ( mostly) and she loves vintage clothes. She also loves Crocs and Converse. Well Crocs are also originally from Minnesota…so we went to the croc store.
On top of the mall we went to visit family. When my brother found me ( he was adopted and I didn’t know he existed) we decided we would find out more about our Dad’s side of the family. So we found our grandfather’s family…and the Minnesota roots run deep. So we had a family reunion We met Aunts, Uncles, Cousins ect. What a warm , loving family. My grandfather has passed but we were each given momentos from his restaurant, and newspapers with his obituary..which was quite lengthy because he was in politics of his small town ( mayor) and a local business man. What was amazing is that although I am just meeting these people and learning about where I come from…I relate so much to them….I truly loved them. I felt like we connected right away. Clarissa also engaged right away…she fit in, she didn’t spend any time on her phone , she talked, asked questions and truly engaged. IN fact when I asked her what her favorite part of the trip was..she said it was visiting my Aunt. My Aunt ( it is funny calling her my Aunt ( this one in particular) because she is like less than a year older than me…LOL) ..but she lives on a great plot of land that is on the water and grows her own veggies and has quirky loveable dogs that she has rescued…she made us a great vegetarian meal with homemade everything and Roo just loved everything about it. It really made my heart happy that she was happiest when we were meeting family, enjoying food and sharing-creating memories. We drove all over the state visiting family and visiting different touristy things. Nice memories created with my brother and daughter.
Roo also has worked all summer at the pool. Following in her older Brother’s footsteps. She has apparently been doing a good job because they call her in for extra shifts. We opened a bank account for her and she is pretty good at not spending her money. So far.
We also went on trip to the Oregon Coast on my birthday weekend. We went with my bestie and her son and his family. Roo and 2 of my boys went as well. Some other friends met us there as well. But it was this huge nice beach house right on the beach. it could easily sleep 16 people..and we didn’t have that many. We went to Rockaway beach. It was really a perfect weekend. We had talked before the trip that we would probably drive down to Canon beach because Clarissa wanted to see the Goonies scenes ect. But once we got to the beach house none of us wanted to leave. We had fun just relaxing and walking the beach and doing beachy things. Everyone pitched in with cleaning & cooking ect. The boys even caught a bunch of crabs. So they boiled them and served them with garlic butter. I have to admit that I couldn’t actually put something live in boiling hot water…it was against my nature. So the guys did all of the work. They were happy to do so because they were so proud of themselves for catching all of them. LOL. They caught them with their hands. Not a trap or anything. In fact they have asked for us to book that trip again for next year and the kids said they would be willing to pitch in to help pay for the beach house. But I wonder if we can actually capture that magic again? LOL. It was a little too perfect for us to have it again…I think.
Not to mention who knows what will happen in a year. Trying to tie them down sometimes is like an act of congress. ( and I think we all know how difficult it is to get our congress to do anything !)
The boys are coming next weekend to put new flooring in my whole upstairs. Rob has been remodeling our stairs..and he’s going to finish our entry way. So I am going to repaint my entry way and living room. After this project is finished our whole house has been re-done ..except for the upstairs bathroom. That is probably project we have to hire out at some point. But I will be excited to be finished because living in chaos is difficult.
I have been entertaining the thought of going back to college for a few things. But it seems anytime I decide I am going to start next quarter..something happens and it’s not my time. So this has been going on for a year and a half. I really think I can start this fall….so if that’s the case I need to register this week. But I wonder if I am going to put myself in too deep? I really want to take some creative writing classes….and computer classes. Computer classes so I can do better about making patterns, doing better video editing ect to beef up my business. Which I have to admit …I hate anything technology. I am defunct and I don’t get it. I would rather my husband learn that portion and do it for me….but apparently that’s not going to happen and he is not interested.
So it’s either stay in the loop I am in and die in the current climate. or learn. I am still thinking. The thought of taking computer classes makes me want to start drooling and daydream of sunshine and rainbows….because I hate it so much. Not to mention a 4th grader probably knows more about computers than I do….so even entering the classroom is going to cause me anxiety and doubt.
However, the thought of signing up for writing classes….researching, reading and spending time in the library to write stories…that makes my heart swell and take a little flitter. But the practical side of me says I have to take the computer classes because I can’t be a full time student. I can’t really afford it financially. So I have to be wise about what is going to get me the best return. But then I think to myself….”if you have to get further and further from the things you love to do ..what is the point of owning your own business?” I have to spend so much time doing paperwork for business and taxes ect. If I have to take computer classes on top of that? I think to myself ..”I might as well just get a job pushing papers Mon-Friday”…because it makes me want to die inside every time I think about it. Honestly. I just want to spend all of my time creating and quilting. It is what I love and it is what I am good at….yet I have to work in all of the things I am not good at and that gives me struggles to do what I want to do. I don’t want the bad stuff to start creeping in and take over. That’s miserable and defeats the purpose of owning my own business.
So I have a lot to balance and think about. Just when you think life is in order..more change. Change is a constant. Rob has also been offered a job….in another state. The negotiations are on-going. I am pretty sure it’s not going to happen …because the numbers aren’t anywhere close to where I would want them to be to uproot me and my business. But Rob is holding out hope because the offer is appealing to him…to work a normal 40 hour work week…..work at a desk and not break down his body ect. But it is so far away. Really far from our kids and Rob’s mom …and I am not sure it’s practical to move that far away. I would like to move closer to our adult kids. But it is a beautiful area. The cost of living there is way higher then where we are and I think it’s difficult to find a house in our budget to house 3 longarms haha! It’s not like we can rent and apartment with my 3 longarms and 3 dogs until we can find a house to live in…..so it’s kind of a precarious situation for us to actually relocate. So we shall see what happens.
So my goals for sure:
- get better at you-Tube vidoes
- publish a few more patterns
- stretch myself
- enjoy the everyday moments a bit more
- be content with where I am at this moment
- make decisions that will make me happy
- deal with my stress in healthy ways ( bad eating habits have creeped in….scale isn’t reflecting much …but I have to keep this is check)
- keep working out
- be proud of what I have accomplished.
Thank you all for your love and support. I appreciate it!