Hi friends! I am great news to report this month…..Drum Roll………………….PLease……………………….
Actually, at this point I have lost 102 pounds. WOWZA!! It took me so long to get here….I mean that in the best way. As in my body was hanging on to to those last few pounds for so long and I really wanted to make that 100 pound goal. So yes I am wearing my necklace. I bought myself a Tiffany & co necklace to wear to celebrate that victory.
So those of you who are just following along. I have struggled with my weight most of my adult life.
I opted to go to Mexico for WLS ( weight loss surgery) last June. But my journey started in May. May 10th to be exact. I went on a pre-op diet…..and I have never eaten the same. My life and lifestyle have changed.
I started out at a weight of 275. I wore a size 22 jeans. My shirts were xl-xxl
Now I wear a size large shirt. I wear a size 12 jean. I have noticed that due to my body shape ..I don’t lose sizes like other people do. My sizes tend to hang on for long periods of time. I have a funny body shape…not long & lean by any means…LOL. I am kind of short & squatty ..so sizes hang around and I wear a bigger size than probably someone else who weighs the same as I do. But I am OK with that.
I follow a high protein -low carb diet. I exercise like a crazy woman. I have actually had to cut down on the work outs a little because I had put my body in starvation mode. I was trying to consume more but I was having issues with that. So I am trying to find my balance again. I have learned that my body doesn’t like starvation mode. If I get into that mode I won’t drop any weight and I never try to get there…but with the rapid weight loss I am constantly having to shift my calories and work outs to find the sweet spot to lose again. I am constantly adjusting. I have to say it’s very frustrating…..but It’s part of the process. Nothing good comes easy, right?
I started therapy. My mind and body are still not on the same track. I am just now starting to notice some changes. I can only see the changes if I have a side by side picture from before & after. But at this point I should probably see the changes more than I do without that? I don’t know. But I just want to be in a safe place to make sure I can keep this lifestyle and accept the changes.
I also have to say that I thought my loose skin would be OK. That I could probably live with it because it’s not that bad. The truth is that the more you lose the worse the skin gets. Which makes sense…but I think as this process has gone along that I wasn’t recognizing the changes in my body as they were happening…I seem to get to them WAY after the fact. It’s like my mind can’t accept what is actually happening. I wish I could explain this ….I can’t. I think only people that have been through this understand. It’s a crazy thing. Anyway….my skin is getting worse. I probably ( right now) have 15 pounds of extra skin ( conservative guess) that could be hacked off right now. And I still have more weight to lose. I keep going back & forth as to what I am going to do about the excess skin. I don’t know. I think my arms will be fine without any surgery. My thighs, stomach, butt..all of that is in sad shape. I look normal in clothes and I feel confident that I don’t have to make any rash decisions when it comes to this …so I am going to wait and let my mind catch up and become more healthy before I decide anything. So that is what’s happening on that front.
There is another discussion that keeps coming up and it’s a sensitive subject to WLS Peeps. The comment that people make when they say
“Oh you took the easy way out”
I have to say that I can see both sides of this coin. So here’s my educational teaching today for those of you who don’t know…..
WLS people get very offended by this statement. LIKE VERY OFFENDED.
I don’t happen to be one of those people. I don’t really care because …well for several reasons. I won’t get into that. Here’s my take on the subject.
I do think it’s easy. Not easy as in the easy way out…..But it’s an extra tool to help us battle the bulge. In the same way that a farmer doesn’t hand pick corn …right? I live in farm country. They use tractors to dig holes and tend the land. They use HUGE combines to drive around picking corn. I don’t know anybody that goes to a farmer and says”WOW….you aren’t really a farmer..you took the easy way out because you didn’t hand pick all of that corn” On the same token..that Farmer would probably be excited to share about how fast he can harvest his corn because he had the funds to buy this great combine…and he didn’t have to hire 100 people to do the same job…that his grandfather had to do decades ago.
As a WLS patient I traded some life long struggles for some new ones. I decided the weight issues was causing me some great struggles and I was on a cliff of some other major health issues that I didn’t want to deal with. Those issues were going to be worse than not being able to take certain medications for the rest of my life. I also have to take vitamins for the rest of my life. My body isn’t going to absorb certain things like some people. I also can’t just load up on calories and such when I need. But I didn’t think those consequences were bad.
I have also learned being on this journey that my lifestyle & diet changes are an everyday choice. WLS patients gain their weight back more times than not. So is it really the easy way out? If most patients gain the weight back that must mean it’s not a permanent solution…..it takes work. I think that’s where a lot of people fail to understand.
The part about people telling me that “I took the easy way out” that I don’t like is that I feel like all of my hard work is being minimized. I knew coming into this journey that I wasn’t going to be able to lose weight by diet alone. I know how my body works. I knew, I was going to have to work out and exercise. I said it all along. Most stats say that weight loss is 80% diet and 20% exercise. It’s never been that way for me. Never. I knew for me it was 50-50. Even with this great new tool…if I stop working out I will gain….I know it.
So I spend hours working out, compiling recipes and researching foods. Seriously, I dedicate a lot of time and effort into my new life. So when someone tells me that I am taking the easy way out or minimizing my work…I feel a bit defeated. I decided to be open & honest about my journey and I speak the truth. So I think I should be offered the benefit of the doubt …that I didn’t just happen to fall into this great loss and that it all magically fell off. I have struggled every bit of the way. From booking a trip to TJ, Mexico…..taking a risk without my family to go to a foreign country and risk a surgery. That I had to pay for out of pocket. To coming home, recovering and getting up each day to make a change. It was a thoughtful meaningful change-> every-single-day. Trying new things, pushing myself to new limits. I have cried, struggled, injured myself and felt every single victory from the inside out. So has it been easy? no. Was it easier than when I had tried without this great tool? Yes. But should my efforts be minimized? No. The proof will be in the pudding ( lowcal, no sugar pudding of course…I actually don’t eat that stuff it’s all chemicals…lol). If I maintain and continue to make these changes than the “easy way out” should not define me or my journey…..
So I agree that it is easier. It was easier to get results and help me figure out a solution to be pro-active with my health and my life. I don’t regret it..even with the nay-sayers or people that try to minimize my efforts. I know my truth and I think everyone can see the results of my hard work. Hopefully, That’s enough…I know it’s enough for me. I don’t have to take insulin, my cholesterol & blood pressure is great and I have a new lease on life. I don’t regret my choice…at all.
Here are some other things that I love about my new found weight loss.
My feet are so HAPPY!! Seriously. I lived in danskos. Those bulky clogs were my best friend when I was over weight. They were the only shoes that I could wear because my feet hurt so bad and I stand all day. Now I can wear cute flats and pretty much any shoe……because my feet feel great. all of that weight isn’t crushing down on them. I didn’t realize it was my weight that was causing my issues. I thought it was my age and bad shoes for all of those office years. Apparently, not. It was excess weight. Now I wear cute shoes all of the time. Well that’s an exaggeration. I spend most of my days in running tights and long sleeved t-shirts because I run then work from home.
Here’s another weird thing. I am not a good clothes shopper anymore.
You would think that I would love to go clothes shopping now. Since my mind has not caught up to my body….I still shop like I am a fat person. I can easily buy work-out clothes. Like, I seriously love shopping for work out clothes..I love those wild running tights and bright colors. They aren’t as flattering as some other things…but they just make me feel happy and I don’t really care if anyone is making fun of my wild tights. If they aren’t out on the trail running..they have nothing to talk about. I have bought mostly work out clothes.
I have tried to refrain from buying much of any other clothes because I change sizes so frequently that I like getting hand me downs or borrowing clothes. But when I tried to go buy “real” clothes to have a few different outfits to wear. I really struggled. I wanted to buy the big flowy blouses…the layers of sweaters & jackets and I was just struggling to find anything to buy. I even stopped at wal-mart to just look ( since it’s in town…desperate people in a small town…it happens) I automatically went to the Women’s World section…I didn’t see anything. They didn’t sell my size in that section and it didn’t occur to me that I wasn’t supposed to be in that section (see how bad this struggle actually is for me?)…..But the work out section seems safe to me. Even when I stopped at old navy I wanted to hang in the work-out section. In all reality,I hang out in work out clothes most days anyway..and that is comfortable to me.
But I have to say that I have recognized that my “fat suit” was a sense of comfort for me. I could hide in there and it offered me security. I am beginning to think that I have replaced that “secure” feeling with my work out clothes. People don’t look at you if you are wearing work-out clothes. You just blend in…there is nothing to draw attention to you ( unless you are wearing wild tights..haha). Clearly..I have some things to work on….and I need to get to those core issues so I can be “healthy” in every sense of the word. So I will continue to work on these issues in therapy and figure out a plan of action.
So again I am taking this journey very seriously. I am working on each piece of this puzzle and trying to build a stronger me. piece by piece. None of it is easy. But it’s worth it.
Thanks for following along on my journey. It really means a lot to me. If any of you have any questions. Please don’t hesitate to ask..I am willing to help anyone along the way.