So this marks 8 months.
I started the journey May 10 2015. I had Weight Loss Surgery (WLS) on June 10th 2015.
Starting weight was 275
Surgery weight was 255
Current weight is 180. Total loss is 95 pounds. ( I really thought I would have reached 100 by now!!!)
I started in a tight size 22 jeans. Shirts were XL-XXL
I wear a 13-14 jean…almost in a 12. I can get into them…but they aren’t comfortable, yet. Shirts are a medium to large depending on the type of shirt. I wear large comfortably ..I like my clothes a bit bigger….so a medium still feels a bit small to me. But I was like this moving to larges as well…I like everything loose…it literally has to hang off of me and look all weird before I decide to move down a size.
I forgot to take my inches to let you know how many inches I have gone down. I will do that next month for sure.
So this last month was the worst month of my progress. There was a combination of things that happened.
- The holidays. I like the holidays. The food and sugar was a run-away train.
- I injured my back. What I thought was a bladder infection gone rogue..was actually a back injury that had me down for 2-3 weeks.
Due to the fact that I could not get out and exercise …I started getting into a bad head space. I think it was a combination of not getting those endorphins out , the fresh air, feeling like I was going to lose all that I had gained as far as muscle and endurance, and not being able to even do normal everyday things…because I couldn’t bend over or walk properly. It killed me. Then on top of that I had indulged in a few cookies & treats…so the sugar cravings reared their ugly heads…..and it was taking it’s toll on my mind.
So once I recognized it…I cleansed my body and got back on track with my diet. I didn’t gain anything…but I didn’t lose anything during that week either. That is actually normal for me….but anyhow..I realized how blessed I am to be suffering from a temporary issue rather than chronic issues. So kudos to all of you suffering with chronic illness or pain. I am not sure how I could handle it. Just being down for that amount of time was difficult for me.
Once I got the sugar out of my system and starting back to my normal diet all was well and then I was able to start going on walks. I am still not back to jogging regularly ect. I am walking, lightly jogging and just started swimming again a few days ago. Hopefully, within the next few weeks I will be back up to par.
So although it was difficult it was actually a good “test” for me to experience this trial. Once I recognized why I was suffering..I was able to deal with it and get a plan into action. I could beat myself up for messing up or I could deal with it and move on. I am choosing to move on.
As a reward to myself for losing 100 pounds I bought myself a Tiffany & Co necklace.
I couldn’t decide on which one I wanted…so I bought two. 1 for 100 pound loss. and one for 125 pound loss.
The reason I chose 125 pounds…is because at the start of this journey ->I thought my ultimate goal would be to lose 125 pounds. That would leave me at 150 pounds.
For my height & bone structure I should weigh 135-145 pounds…..so I thought 150 would be good for that extra bit. But what I realized is that I could actually go lower. I will be happy at 150. I am going to try to stay within my target range…..but I also think that I am just going to maintain my calorie count at 1200-1500 cals and keep working out. SO where ever my body lands and maintains is where it lands. So I don’t know where that is…I will let it decide. But I won’t let myself rise above 150 as my standard. ( that could change depending on where my body lands)
What is funny is my Ex-husband came over for Christmas and he hadn’t seen me since graduation..which was a few days before surgery. So he said “Are you at high school weight?” LOL I had to laugh at that because No…..I am not. I would have to lose 70 more pounds to reach that status …and that’s not really possible. I would look like Clarissa and then I would look sickly because my body has curved up since then. Babies and weight.
I have lost the amount that my 12 year old daughter currently weighs. That’s stunning. I lost a small person.
So in order to reach my first ultimate goal is to lose 30 more pounds. I am sure I am going to lose more than that…but any extra will be icing. I also know that these last 30 will be much harder and take longer…..but I am still hoping that I can lose them before Mother’s day. That is when my journey started last year….and I feel that would be the best gift to myself.
So some struggles:
- Still the hair loss. Oh my word.
- My hormones are completely out of whack. I am hot …one minute…freezing the next. It’s stunning from day to day how I struggle with this. My periods are never regular…they evened out for a few months ..now they are back to being whacky. It’s a killer. But I have to say after getting all of the bad stuff out of my diet and losing weight my skin is so much better. the only pimples I get are during PMS. So that’s nice.
That’s all I can think of for this month? There is nothing I can’t eat. I haven’t thrown-up, except for once early on when I drank to soon after eating. I actually haven’t struggled at all….as far as that. As soon as I feel the restriction while eating I stop and I just don’t push it. I don’t ever want to experience throwing up like that again. I try new foods and recipes all of the time.
Something that has come up a lot in my support groups is re-gain. There is some fudging on re-gain stats depending on who you ask. But just looking at people you know who have had WLS and if they have re-gained…..how many regain? It’s a high percentage. It’s because they think this is a miracle cure and they don’t use it as a tool to change. I am trying to keep it in that perspective.
The other thing that you have to keep in mind while making small life-long changes is that you must sacrifice. Sacrifice is key. I don’t believe in the frame of thought that says”Everything in moderation”
If I were an alcoholic nobody ,who knows how the program works, would say “Everything in moderation” …..if I were an alcoholic hanging around in a bar….I think people would say “Get the Heck out of there…what are you doing? “
From the support groups…I am finding proof. The people who used that thought in their mind of “everything in moderation” has gained back….many of them have gained more than they weighed to begin with.
I am not an alcoholic…but I am a food addict. So I absolutely know my trigger foods. I have to refrain from trigger foods. If I touch a trigger food it sets off a series of actions in my head that make me not want to stop eating…..and I can’t stop it without a dramatic clash of behaviors.
My trigger is usually sugar. But I can indulge in some forms of sugar without it going off crazy. So I can manage certain things and be ok.
Sacrifice is key to any success isn’t it? When you get married..you sacrifice your selfishness and you have to learn to compromise and think of someone else. It’s a sacrifice. Same with having a child. Sometimes with a job….you have to sacrifice things to be a success at your job. Anything that you love-> costs you something. Always. You have to negotiate in your mind if the cost of the sacrifice is worth-> what you are trying to achieve. If you choose that brownie, chocolate bar or cookie…..you are sacrificing part of yourself to eat that cookie. Plain and simple.
What are we willing to sacrifice along the way to reach our ultimate goal? Just like choosing to be married, or choosing to be a parent…the choice happens daily, minute by minute. This is what I am beginning to fully understand. If we really want to be healthy, love ourselves and keep our internal machine rolling on it’s best fuel…we have to sacrifice those small things. I am ok with that. I honestly don’t feel like I am missing out on much compared to what I have gained. It’s in those small relapses of time that I forget where I started….I just have to make sure those gaps are not long or wide.
I have had some bladder issues…really my whole life. Childhood trauma can cause a lifetime of issues. Something that I have to deal with. I thought maybe I needed a sling…due to the trauma and then children…..nope. Apparently, All of that is working properly & healthy. I have some other issues ….so for now I get to avoid surgery! Praise God. I have to try some medications ect to please the insurance co…….I am not opposed to trying medications but there is not a medication on the market to help me that doesn’t have a side effect of an issue that I already have…so the Specialist…feels that this will just be hoop jumping and what not….but eventually i will end up with a little stem implant in my bladder to fix it and my sphincter muscles…..(TMI??). So At least I have answers and a path to getting it fixed.
I am most happy about not having surgery because if that was the case and if I needed a sling….I would be down for 6 weeks and thinking of being down for 6 weeks is pretty difficult for me. I am already a bit anxious about not being able to jog full on quite yet. I went swimming a few times this week and I seem to be able to keep my normal pace on that front…but the jogging is slow coming because I am babying my back still. I am making a trip to Spokane this month to celebrate one of my bestie’s 40th birthday….it’s an 80’s theme. haha. I already have my flash dance outfit planned out. Anyway ….there is a race around there that same weekend..I thought I could sign up for that….but i don’t know if I will be ready yet. I was actually hoping by that time I could run a 10K…..but my body had different plans. So I am just going to roll with it and see where I am.
So that’s the update…..Nothing really major to note…..just the grindstone and a really low month. 🙂 I still consider it a success because there is a loss and growth lessons in the right away. I see my therapist Tomorrow…to start the mental aspect. I will let you know if there are any major revelations. 🙂
I hope you all have a super fabulous day!