These Days

Are getting better.

I think things are calming down. I know it’s just the calm before the storm….and that’s OK.

In just a few weeks there will be a trial for my brother and Sister and we will all get the full story of details..good or bad. We all know it’s mostly bad. My boys will be back in ten days and back to school…supplies will be in order. Football starts and we will be back into the full swing of life. Summer will be over. But I am trying not to focus on that. I am trying to take each day as it comes and enjoy it.

The church family issue will be done and over with. It will either blow over or blow up. I have been blocked from FB by a 60 year old man because he was the one aiming things at me. I could care less and it was in fact the best thing that could happen. But I find it funny that all of his posts claim how happy he is and that he wouldn’t change anything. I know. That’s what I am saying….he isn’t going to change anything. He would rather cripple every one around him so he can then take care of them..because he is afraid to be alone. He is a perpetual victim and the mere sight of me holds him accountable and he doesn’t want anything to change. Regardless…I know, I did the right thing. I am sorry he is making a big deal of it all and taking it to an extreme level. But I just kind of laugh at it all because time divulges character and that is exactly what is happening. Immaturity.

Soon some other characters are going to come out and it’s all just a mess. I have been waiting for several months for the true story of everything to come out with my brother and sister….my mother is in denial. Still. So when it’s all aired on TV…when it’s all out there—–> I just wonder how she will be able to deny it all? Will she still be able to say they are innocent? Will she still be able to protect them? How can you deny a mountain of evidence?

Going through this with my family and this other family from church I have realized….a few things.

This men and the older men in this situation are seeing my daughter’s boyfriend as they want to see him. As what he was…or what maybe he could be ( if they held him accountable and made him grow up). When I point out how much they( my DD and her BF) lie and manipulate..even when they are caught ( my daughter and her BF) red handed……there is no consequences. I am made to look like the bad guy because I am ruining their image of what he is and how he is acting..in their minds. They don’t want to believe that he is engaging in bad behavior. They want to believe that he is innocent and not capable of what he is doing.

My mom has been doing this for over 30 years with my siblings. I held her accountable so she got rid of me. My grandma told me that when I was 3 years old I was telling my mother what to do because she didn’t ever do anything right. My mother still does not believe that her babies kidnapped, raped and tortured a 16 year old girl. It’s all over the news..it happened in her house. How can you deny it or minimize it? She is not living in the now. She is living in the what they were or what they could be. But what both of these people fail to recognize is that you have to focus on these days. The ones we are in. We can’t make someone be what we want them to be. We can’t live in a fantasy land that we can make anyone better. We have to hold them accountable for what is happening right now. That is the refining process. That’s what shapes and molds us. If we fail to let the fire get hot…then there is no refinement. If we keep putting it out…there will be no change. Change means growth. You can only grow as high as the roof on your house..right? So as long as my mother is in charge…my siblings will never grow. As long as this man has my daughter she will never grow. I have to come to terms with it. I am in that process. It’s hard to realize that the thousands of dollars you spent to see specialists…is wasted because some guy thinks he knows better. I didn’t realize he was a Dr? It’s difficult for me because I sacrificed so much time with the other 5 kids for no reason. My other 5 kids are wounded…..because of their sister. They didn’t deserve that. My daughter didn’t deserve her lot in life either…but instead of rising above she would rather live in squalor…communal living with an unhealthy family. She would rather stay stagnant..and then be upset with us because we don’t want her throwing away 100 thousand dollar scholarship. I get to accept that I gave up so much in my life so she could live less of a life than I provided for her. That’s a hard pill for me to swallow. But that’s what I have to face these days.

I could keep trying….but I know that’s futile. Instead I will focus on the now…..and let it all go. Everything will be revealed in time.

Just as what is happening with my mother and siblings. I thought my family was significantly different that other families. As I get older I realize that is not the case. You only grow as high as who leads your house. If you don’t let the father lead..you won’t grow. It doesn’t matter who you SAY leads you house. It all comes out in due time. It’s difficult to watch no matter who it is…a stranger , your family or friends. I wish it didn’t effect so many people. All I can do is focus on the now.

 

 

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