Well today was a good day…hectic but full of many blessings..of course. Even if i have a bad day I can find a blessing right?
SO my friend Virgina came over to quilt today…YAY! I have had friends over everyday this week..it has been nice and I have gotten a lot of quilts finished..I just haven’t posted pics because my house is a wreck….tomorrow is the day.
I am taking pictures and posting. Stay Tuned. LOL
I also had ladies day lunch at the church today. It was a breakfast theme. Last night one of the gals called to ask me if I had a mixer. I thought she was asking because maybe she needed to borrow one. LOL. I said “Oh well I have a hand held mixer?” She said no..I have one you put on the counter..I don’t use it…would you like it? I said “sure….we would love to have one”
Today she gave me a new Kitchen Aid mixer. I was AMAZED! LOL I have always wanted one..but could never spend that much money for one. How amazing is that? So Clarissa and I will be testing that out! HURRAY!
Then I had my meeting today about publishing patterns..and the steps I need to start with…so I will work on that.
The praying and pondering has started about what my plans are….it’s so funny. At the ladies lunch…I talked with some of the women about school…they said ” You won’t be a loser for quitting…..Mary said”I think it shows maturity that you are putting your priorities in order”…then some others agreed. I thought about that. Then I talked with Rob…he had a counseling appointment today. He rarely shares with me what he discusses in counseling…today the topic was “me.” LOL. I need to do some prioritizing and value myself more.
Then I spoke with Carla…( HI Carla …waving vigorously!) …Carla is my sidekick..she is just like me…and she is always the one that says…”No don’t give up….it’s smart to finish your degree”…..today nope. She agreed that my life is taking a different direction and that i need to listen to the overwhelming answer. i kind of teared up. I want to invest more in the relationships around me…I am so pulled in many directions..school can always be on the back burner..people can’t.
I talked with my kids before play practice. I told them what I am thinking..they all said “Mom..just quilt”….I said”But I feel like I am a bad example if I quit…then in a few years you all will want to quit…cause I am telling you it’s ok” Carl said”Mom you have so many reasons to quilt….I won’t quit college because you did ..there would be no reason good enough for me to quit…you don’t need your degree to do what you like…and make money….why do you need to go to school anymore?” Bryce is all about the money of course…He said “Well if you are making enough money quilting…who cares about school?” That is exactly what I am afraid of…HA! All the kids told me to quit…I think they miss their Mom..so it’s kind of a bias answer. But a good reason. none the less. I am worn out yes…but I also know life is about choices..If I hold this mother role so near and dear to my heart and I want to succeed…well I can’t just trust that it will happen if i am working, studying and planning. I am in a position to where I can spend more time with them and its a choice…not a necessity? What am I thinking’?
I talked with my adviser today and got the classes I am supposed to register for..I haven’t brought myself to register even part-time…..I am not anxious….I am not sad….I am numb maybe. thinking I just need to let it go….change is so hard. It is safer for me to continue in this because it is something I know…trying my hand at a whole new adventure …..quitting school and diving into Charisma’s Corner.
I know i was like this the first day of school however many years ago…so I know i can do it. I can’t live in fear. I need to trust what God is telling me. I am worthy and he loves me. No matter what. I still keep getting that voice”School served it’s purpose”
So we had play practice….”Well that’s all I have to say about that” ( in the voice of Forrest Gump) LOL> stress….getting that many kids to sit and follow instructions for more than 5 minutes? Yeah.
So I am thinking about how I am going to organize my time after the first of the year so I can start some different things..and get on the right course…Cause if I quit school..I have to “prove” to myself it wasn’t in vain right? I know as soon as I let it go..little evil Charisma will be working overtime to tell me ..i made a HUGE mistake and that I am going to fail. I am preparing myself for the battle…mentally and also by being proactive and getting work done.
I think, I need to schedule in days off..and also non-quilting..work days. This will be hard for me. But I am going to do it. those non-quilting work days will pattern planning..working,creative days…so I can feel like I have quality and quantity. I am one of those over-achievers… because I am always trying to prove evil inner Charisma wrong..so she will shut up for a few seconds. Please don’t think I am crazy…or if you do..please start a donation fund so you can all commit me…and I can get spoon fed and bathed…..it will be like a vacation….:)
See how badly I need a vacation?
OK bad stuff is over…so many changes….Some of you may remember this a few years ago?…This just came to me!..I was trying to decide if I should go to nursing school or apply at the university. I was a wreck for a few weeks. LOL See how much has changed? a few months after that ..I thought, I would try my hand at LAQ? I worked so hard to make into nursing school…at the last minute I decide I didn’t want to anymore..( any nurses out there know how hard it is to make into school)I was doing the same thing to myself…I beat myself up thinking..”Ok are you just giving up because it’s hard?”…” How could you be so wrong about what you wanted??” I thought, I was destined to be a nurse…..in the course of all this I realized nursing wasn’t for me….I knew how demanding it would be and my heart wasn’t in it..plus I would be missing out on my kids’ lives.
So I applied at the university..I have never regretted that decision…I wanted to be home with my kids. So now I am home…but working harder than I have ever worked in my life….but it is something I love. I just had this moment of clarity while writing all this down. Please ask me how much I LOVE my BLOG?! ( Another prayer going up for Michael..rushing to get this up and running for me!)
OK no more battle..I am calm..spirit is good. Life is getting even better! Growing pains…Pride isn’t getting me this time! I am going to be a COLLEGE DROP OUT! I am NOT going to be ASHAMED. LOL
( However in fine print..if i knew how to do that?..I just want to say that I reserve the right to go back if and when the timing is right.)
I hope you all have a good night!