Tough Tuesday…LOL

Well you know most of my day..but I have to say it ended well.

We went to Wal-Mart ( yes..Wally’s everyday….again!)….Maybe I need to make a quilt about Wal-Mart..ugh! Again……it’s the only store in town for all that don’t know. So I have a love/hate relationship with Wal-Mart.
We ran out of paint..so we had to go get more….and toilet paper. DO you all remember that Chris Farley movie …What’s the name..anyway there is a line…”House keeping, need tp?” I think of that whenever I buy toilet paper for some reason….LOL Anyway…
We bought dinner..sub-sandwiches and chips..my kids think that is like a gourmet meal…lol. They were so excited.
We came home to a family dinner..and we were laughing, planning, talking…I had this moment..of clarity. “OK ….Charisma..you are so fortunate to have this family…..what a great bunch of people…LOL” I will never get this back again. What is important?

I am not smelling the roses….I fly by the roses and probably whack a few off their stems as I race by…LOL.

Priorities….what do I need to knock out?

What do I love…what’s important? Where is my pride getting in the way?
I LOVE my family and quilting. Even if i give up my business….I will still quilt. No question. Even on the days that I want to chuck my family out the window..deeeeeep down I still love them..and it’s just a fleeting thought. LOL!

So what drags me down? School
During the summer life seemed so nice…I was busy …I had turmoil with a broken machine..but no school.
I am being prideful about school..it is becoming clear that I probably won’t use my degree for anything ( it’s an altruism degree)…I am on a different path…but I want to follow through because of pride. I have worked to hard to get this far……I already have so much time and money invested. So I will test out one or two classes next semester and see how freeing that is and if I feel like I can juggle things better. I just keep going back to this thought ” School has already served it’s purpose” I don’t know which side this thought is on..good or bad.
When I started school….I felt like I was stupid. I didn’t think I could make it through school…but I was so tired of billing medical insurance. LOL What a far cry from what I am currently doing right? My first month in school I cried because things changed quite of bit from researching encyclopedias….and using a typewriter..LOL. I had quite the learning curve.. I made it! I didn’t even aim high enough to get into the university. That seemed so unattainable. Even with a GPA of 3.8 in Community college ..I was nervous that the university wouldn’t accept me.
So to succeed in as much as i did..it gave me confidence to think anything was possible. That was a gift I had never had before. So many things in my life I was told I wasn’t capable of doing….I had believed it. Now i know it’s not true….the only person holding me back is myself. Am I dumping so much time and energy into something I won’t need? or use? All because I want that degree to hang on my wall. Just to say I graduated from a university. To other people that may be something they take for granted…it was expected….or doesn’t matter. What do I do? Is this pride..is this just my weary mind? I have to realize at some point I can’t do everything. I will have no regrets about finishing school..I know that…but I will have regrets about not spending more time with my kids…they are almost gone…it goes by so fast that I know within a blink of an eye…or a brush past those roses…I will be having a chin lift ….eye brow lift..wishing I still had my kids at home..LOL…cause then I wouldn’t be able to afford the plastic surgery…HA!

So those are my current crumbs….what do you all think? I Iike your opinions….some of you have much wisdom….but I am praying about it..I appreciate your prayers as well…I will know the right thing to do at the right time.

So after my moment of clarity at dinner…we were all talking about our Christmas plans….I need to quit telling Rob things. Honestly. He can never keep news to himself when it comes to the kids. I bought 6 bean bag chairs in all different colors for the kids…I even put out a text today asking if anyone could store them for me until Christmas….LOL. Rob told them at dinner….Immediately I said “Way to go Idaho!” (Rob is originally from Bonner’s Ferry, ID) “I can’t believe you told them!” They all started laughing. Well Dad what else are we getting? SHEESH! You can’t tell him a thing!

Have a blessed night!

2 thoughts on “Tough Tuesday…LOL

  1. IMO, you are not a failure or “giving up” if you realize that the path you are going down is a dead end (for the moment). If something you are doing is taking your resources (time and money and sanity) and that something isnt even going to help you take the next step to something.. well, why do it? Just because you stop your schooling now, doesnt mean you cant continue it later.. when kids are older and out of the house, when your life has slowed down a bit. Or, take one class a semester? Or one class every other semester..

    And, just because you dont get a degree (at this time or on a schedule you created), no one can take away all of the wealth of information and life experiences you have gainied. Follow your heart C!!

    Mellie

    1. Hi Mellie,
      I know …I feel like it will be a “drop-out” which means failure once again. LOL I don’t want to tell everyone ..I am a drop-out. That’s how I know I am suffering from pride. Even though in my mind i know school has served it’s purpose for me. I wouldn’t have started my own business because I wouldn’t have been strong enough to think I could do it….in the superficial sense..if I wasn’t going to school..I would have never taken a part-time job at LQS….which then led me to quilting. ..so there ya go! Thanks girlyfriend! I appreciate your thoughts!

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