I am not sure how it happens…but my weekends escape.
When Rob and I got together I moved to Ephrata. That is about 2 hours from my hometown and my ex-husband. In the beginning that 2 hour drive didn’t seem bad…but now 11 years later, every other week of driving halfway to meet my ex-husband to deliver children. It’s old…and I hate it. Like really hate it. Rob on the other hand would rather have that chore than some other light housework chore..like cleaning toilets, cooking dinner or mopping. SO he volunteers for that chore….so I can escape it. I am thankful for that. I would rather do housework…sitting in a car. No. I think about all the things I could be doing during that two hours.
Well Rob has been working 6 days a week and couldn’t make the drive. So it was up to me this weekend. UGH!
So Friday afternoon after kids got home from school…did their chores, ate a snack we left. I didn’t get back until after dinner. Rob got home and we sat and talked, ate a late dinner. Carl stayed up late playing video games because he was by himself. Clarissa went to the football game with Bryce. Bryce skipped the visit with his dad so he could go to the football game and the dance with his new *girlfriend* . Then he calls at 11:30 to ask if he could go to her house until 1 am. Ummm no. That’s not appropriate.
Saturday was a work day. They are still working on the storage shed. So the guys all worked on that…I had to work at the shop. I am teaching a series of long arm quilting classes. Next month is last month and we are doing quilt planning. I love that.
Then Saturday night we have friends over for dinner and board games. Lots of food, laughs and fun.
Sunday was church. Then lunch…then I had to make the 2 hour drive to get the boys…I also made several loaves of banana bread. I feel like I didn’t do anything productive. Delivering boys and my class were right smack in the middle of my days…so you don’t want to start something that you have to leave….and by the time you get back you don’t want to start anything. But that’s ok…everyone needs rest. 🙂
Clarissa has been having some issues lately. It’s those growing pains. It seems every couple of days we have a growth lesson and it all comes back to her not being able to assert herself.
Part of the problem is that she has had the same best friend since kindergarten. Shelby. Shelby doesn’t have a mom and she is a bit wounded by that. We have become close with this family ( I have written about them for years)…and they moved away a few months ago.. Clarissa picked up on the fact that Shelby was wounded right away. Nobody told her she is just intuitive like that. Well because of Shelby’s life she became controlling, bossy, & possessive. Especially of Clarissa. Clarissa liked it because then she didn’t have to be assertive…and Shelby became the bossy one that took care of her. She was fiercely loyal to Shelby and showed her unconditional love..even when Shelby hurt her. Shelby loved that about Clarissa…she knew Clarissa wouldn’t abandon her. So Clarissa is in a new school and has a new routine…with no cruise director. She doesn’t have a brother that goes to the same school or anything. She also didn’t invest in many other girls at school because she always had Shelby. So when she has to do all her own talking and directing she doesn’t trust herself. Even though she has really good intuition.
Well another incident happened yesterday. I could tell that she was upset…I could tell that she wanted to tell an adult “no” and that she was defeated…and she couldn’t. I have to tell you that my mama bear instincts just kick in and I get so upset! I want to cause a scene and jump in to save her…..but I didn’t. I had to watch her suffer. I was getting more and more resentful and the time droned on……and could tell by everything in her demeanor that she was beating herself up inside. I was this same way. So I waited.
I had a talk with her and asked her why? Why in this situation she wouldn’t speak up? She doesn’t feel like she can tell an adult “No” and she doesn’t want to seem “Rude.”
This is totally a kid who can be victimized. We had a long talk with her dad and brothers trying to help her out and lift her up. We talked about abusers and safety tips. But I really wanted to drive home her “intuition”. Honestly, she is spot on when she reads people. She knows good from bad….and it’s not just in their actions…her and Bryce have always been good at just “knowing” …I wish the rest of my kids did…but we explained gifts…and why they are given. God uses them to help us and others. I tried to explain to her how she can tell when the Holy spirit is guiding her to make decisions and that she must always listen to that. I think she got it. However…..I really think she needs more protection. I don’t think she will totally get it until she is burned a few times by her actions. So I will have to continue to let her suffer the consequences of her actions or in-actions. But it’s really trying to find that balance between minor suffering and not letting something really bad happen. I hate that. The good thing is that she learns quickly and she won’t let her self suffer long to get the lesson. I have another child where this is not the case…so I appreciate that about this one.
All of these scenarios that keep coming up remind me of things that happened to me and different situations I went through. I have to say in some cases I know God was looking out for me….I won’t go into detail…..but I know. There were also scenarios that I just didn’t understand until now…and I totally get why I did what I did or reacted the way I did..even to my detriment. Clarissa has a different life…and I have provided a different environment for her…so it just goes to show that sometimes….nature has a lot to do with why we do the things we do…. It always comes back to nature verses nurture.
Anyway…I hope you all have a wonderful week. I must get in the studio.