ThanksGiving 2018

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you! Also a happy Birthday to my son Bryce. Every 5 years his birthday falls on Thanksgiving.

Most years I write about all of the things I am thankful for…..This year will be no different. But I somehow feel like it’s much more about pulling teeth to get to this point. I honestly do feel thankful for so many things in my life….and I have trained myself to feel this way.

I feel heavy right now. I feel like the weight of the world is kind of on my shoulders. We have been in a state of “where is our life going” for over a year. I am getting tired of feeling this way. I feel like I can’t make long term plans. I feel like I can’t plan for the future so much…and all of that has me in a funk. I am a goal oriented person. I am healthy…mostly. But my husband isn’t. Because of his health and his body falling apart it has also affected his overall outlook. I feel like it’s getting to me. I am usually the one who keeps everything balanced and together. Honestly, right now I am cracking.

Rob’s back is failing….and he needs to figure out a different plan for his life. I am trying to be supportive. But I am a person who jumps in and gets to business. He is in a state of mind that nothing is motivating him. I am at a loss as to how to help. But knowing that he is not acting and trying to be proactive in saving himself has me feeling anxious, resentful and everything else the devil wants to creep in and make me/us feel bad. So it’s a constant struggle.

All I know is that it is something he has to decide. We were at our Doctor’s office the other day and I asked him if he felt like everyone that comes into his office seems to be in a state of distress? I mean, I feel the pressures of the chaos in the world. Politics, news ect. On top of that we are at an in between stage in our growth & adulthood ect. We have young adult children making choices for their lives that  are difficult for us to process. We have parents that are having struggles. So it seems that we are in a constant state of “distress” ….even if there aren’t ER’s or some catastrophic event …just the weight or gravity of everything seems to hang over us. Our doctor assured us that there is a combination of things ..but that it’s mostly our age and where we are in our lives. I hope that’s true..LOL. Simply because then I know it’s not going to last for ever.  I am just in a state of “waiting” and seeing where the chips fall. I hate this feeling.

All of that bad stuff to just tell you that life isn’t so peachy for me. I do have so many good things going…..I am so thankful. I am trying to find healthy, practical ways to relieve some of my stress.

So I am thankful for God. I know there is a reason for this season. I know that I am supposed to be learning a lot…especially trust. I have to be thankful in these lessons even when they are painful and difficult.

I am thankful for my home. A comfortable place to fall….this has been very important for me. I am thankful for my animals. Unconditional love is worth gold.

I am thankful for my job. I have  wonderful job. The fact that I can use my talent to make things beautiful is what keeps me afloat most days.

my friends & family. I couldn’t even be normal with out them.

I am thankful for my health on so many levels.

I have so much to be thankful for and it is the reason I get up everyday.

So this year we will be having a low key day. Relaxing and deciding to rest for a day.

that is totally worth gold.

Happy thanksgiving to all of you.

xoxox

Charisma

 

 

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