Thanksgiving 2012

Thanksgiving came at a time when I was already thankful for so many things.

Honestly BIG things and little things. Things that I should take for granted…but Honestly at this moment in time….. I want to document and remember.It is so easy to forget and take for granted all we have. I can sometimes get wrapped up in the fact that my house isn’t big enough, it isn’t clean enough….basically that what I have isn’t enough.

In reality I have WAY more than enough. My house could always be cleaner…but I am chasing after 6 kids and two dogs….so I can’t really help that to much.

But i am really thankful for so many things

~GOD ~Life~Rob~Jeri~Bryce~Carl~Cole~Preston~Clarissa~health~good teeth~food~Quilting~fabric~All my sisters~my Friends~ my church family~Movies~Ephrata~cinnamon~pink~music~LOVE~ Faith~ opportunities~dreams~comfort~PJ’s~quilts~minkee~scarves~flowers~candles~jewelry~ice water~HOpe~grandparents~Aunts~ green grass~shows~my suburban~ipad~phone~make-up

I have been struggling with work and adapting back to life. I have been thinking about my passions and where I want to invest my time and energy. I am getting selfish with my {me} time.

Thinking about what type of adjustmentsI need to make and where my heart lies.

Thanksgiving has beenfor several years not my favorite holiday. My three boys spend this holiday with their dad…always. I don’t feel like celebrating {ever} because half of my family is gone. I have received much ribbing because of that. I know I should notmake everyone suffer…or put our lives on hold because they get to have fun. I understand that. It came to me yesterday that I need to get used to this. In a few short years I won’t even have kids living at home anymore and my life can’t be on hold because they aren’t here. What are the odds that all of my kids will stay near to me and come home for all holidays when they are married and have their own families? Those adds aren’t good. I will have to create a new normal..with new traditions. But I can’t continue to believe the holiday doesn’t exist because my kids aren’t around.That’s just plain silly. Why does it take me awhile to come around sometimes?

I am also learning that I can’t hate the way God created me. Sometimes I beat myself up for the way I am. I find I do it at unexpected times with things I can’t help or don’t have any control over. The same things that make me love life and peopleare also the things that make me the most vulnerable. Sometimes I beratemyself for feeling so deeply. When you feel so deeply you get hurt more easily.It’s ok…I can just cry it out and everything will be ok….it always is..but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt whileI am processing it. But I have learned that sometimes{always} thereis a reason or a lesson for it. There is a purpose that I have to go through…sometimes I don’t always knowright away. But God revealed some things to me this week and it just made my heart heel instantly.While I was sad and crying earlier Rob told me…..it would all be ok and I can’t ever deny who I am. To deny myself would be denying God’s creation. If I cut myself off and steeled myself I would only be a shell of a person wouldn’t I? I can’t be fake. I have to be me. I have been around enough people who put up the steel walls and they don’t progress past a certain stage in development. I don’t want that for myself….I want tobe on God’s plan. If that means feeling the pain every now and again. Then that ismy cross to bear.

All of that to say that I think there is definitely an innate part of me that just feels the need to nurture, love and care take. It just becomes more and more crystal clear.The older I get..the older my kids get and they don’t need me as much. The way Clarissa is and she will do anything to make everyone around her comfortable( even at her own expense).. Rob says she is just like me. I always wish she wasn’t that way….but then if she wasn’t ..how would I relate to her? Ijust get so protective of her and want so many more things for her. But then I know on the other hand her life will be richly blessed. It’s not in my control so I need to let it go.

So tonight is Movie night at church. we have activities every Friday. Every other Friday is movie night…then the opposite Friday is a pizza and game night. I love these nights. Thankful!

The rest of the weekend I am going to try and get some work done…but still relax as much as I can so I can go full on…next week and get a chunk of work done so I can feel productive.

I Hope you all have some relaxing time…count your blessings.

xoxox

C

 

 

 

 

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