Well I love Super Soul Sunday. The last few weeks I have been really looking at Charisma’s soul. Charisma’s life and the directions I am going in…or where my soul is leading me.
If I am honest with myself and the people around me…I have not been myself for quite some time through a series of events. I feel like I am coming back around. As much as I would like to do a complete overhaul on my life….things rarely happen that way, right?
But when you are feeling unbalanced and you have been feeling disconnected from your soul for quite sometime there comes a time when you decide..OK I have to now start acting on this. I have to start cleaning up my soul and getting back to the roots of me. When you just go into “auto-pilot” mode and not live in each moment you miss out on so much of your life. You also make poor choices and have to dig yourself out. Usually when I do this I do this in many areas of my life..not just one..so then it gets overwhelming. When it gets overwhelming ..I then have to make a choices…continue to go on Auto pilot or start to make deliberate choices to get myself out. Step-by-step. Turn-by-turn. I have to start unraveling anything & everything and get back to my heart.
I have been reading my bible everyday. It’s revealing so much to me about so much….I just keeping have all of these moments of clarity. I am also reading “Instinct” as I have mentioned…( I will give a full review on that when I am finished). I have been surrounding myself with words on battling the spiritual warfare that we all experience everyday.
But to put it simply..today while watching a program on OWN. A few questions were asked…and a few that have been coming to me in my readings.
How would you live if money were not a concern?
What is your passion?
What does happiness look like to you?
How do you define happiness?
How often am I living in the moment?
I think you have to dig deep within yourself to discover the answers to this because we are always working, working,working to get to that next level in life. We define success as happiness. Success changes all of the time. So happiness changes all of the time or it doesn’t last. When I hear this stuff I think to myself…”Will I ever be truly happy then?”
But I think I have been labeling everything wrong. I don’t know that I am searching for happiness. I think I am searching for inner peace. I just want peace within my soul. I think when you have inner peace you are free to live in the moment more. You are happy because you are in the moment. I think I make poor choices when I am not in the moment. How can I make good choices for the future when I am not secure right now? I keep looking to the future…when I am not on solid ground right now. We are always talking about the expectations of our future…..what we want. ect. But what we are supposed to do is take the lessons from yesterday and apply it to right now. If we have not learned the lesson from today and we are trying to make decisions for tomorrow …it’s not going to work out the way we want it to. Yet if we trust that we are making good choices for ourselves today in this moment then we will in the future.
Therefore we have to get connected to now.
I have to start looking at what I truly enjoy. What will bring me joy & peace in this moment. If money wasn’t a concern what would I be doing?
I have visions of myself that I have never told anyone. I know that seems crazy, right? I say whatever I feel and think all of the time. but there are things within myself that I hold back on because it doesn’t seem like it’s possible. But I have felt that so many times in my life. I have felt on more than one occasion that I couldn’t ever do this or that…and then it comes around that I am or did.
I want to set goals and visions for myself….to to attain…..not to gain “success” as the world defines it. But to attain to do what I am called to do. I know there is a calling in my life. I am not exactly sure what that calling means. I am not sure what it looks like. I will know it when it comes to fruition. But I do know I am getting in the way of it. I get in the way of it by filling my life with less meaningful things.
When I think about the blessings i have everyday ….they are always simple things along with Modern conveniences. By Modern conveniences I mean things that make my life easier. Microwave, washer & dryer, running water…I especially love my ice maker on my fridge. I seriously do.
I love the conversations with my loved ones. I love the hugs. I love the laughs. I love the food we share. I love the insight. I love the love. I love to create.
But when I get to the heart of me I would even say as much as creating has been a part of my soul…..it’s doesn’t take first place. My love of people does. I love people. I love communicating & sharing. I love sharing. I love feelings.
So what would my days look like if money wasn’t a concern and I lived in each moment?
When I die what do I want my loved ones to say & think about me?
Was I forgiving? Was I a ray of light? Was I loving? Was I kind? Was I funny? Was I accountable? Was I comfortable? Was I healthy? Was I solid? Was I happy?
What did I do with my life? How did I impact people around me? Did I love enough?
I want to be able to answer these questions for myself in a positive light. I know-> I will always be harder on myself than anyone else. If I can answer these things to my own satisfaction …then I think I will have accomplished my goals.
Until then I will always be in my way.
So I am taking inventory. I am really letting some of this resonate with me…..filling me so I can start to make good choices in my life.
We shall see where this goes…but it’s about the journey……right?