Saying Good-Bye

This is a personal post.

We have had a very difficult week. Seriously difficult. I have hardly blogged all week…..I know…that just isn’t like me even when I have a difficult week.

My DH and one son have Aspergers. Did you read this article this week from an Aspie?

It speaks volumes from an Aspergers perspective. Rob I quote said “My Life”

I say that because Rob and I are seeking counsel for coping with some issues we are having with our daughter and her new “family” that still attend the same church we attend. They are never going to accept their responsibility for enabling her. We have to lower our expectations of them so low that it’s difficult to comprehend. But setting that aside Rob has had some break throughs about his negative pattern with our daughter and he needs to  break that cycle. NO more guilt. He hasn’t done anything wrong. I think there is a certain amount of failure you feel for awhile when your kid makes bad choices…but once they reach a certain age …they have to be held accountable. Not the parents. He doesn’t give her money or anything. He doesn’t fix her car or help her when she calls…but he does still try to talk to her..and it’s frustrating for him. She lies ect. So it was an emotional night for him…without getting into all of the details.

Due to the fact that he has Aspergers…..emotional break through wear him out. He has been cranky ect. He needs to say good-bye to that behavior. Well I decided to hide in my studio one night because he was not himself. The boys were doing their own thing ect.

I heard a commotion outside of my door.

Merle and the cat got into a scuffle. The kids left the gate open. For the 100th time..after being told time & time again.Clearly after Merle killed the neighbors dog they didn’t understand his special needs. Rob loves the cat. Aspies love animals (usually)-> animals are much less complicated than social human relationships. Rob could live in a house full of animals……and if he didn’t have to work…I doubt he would have social interactions at all if I didn’t make him. So then he has had one emotional day after the next this week.

The cat ran under our bed to hide(after the scuffle)…and Merle went back down stairs. We honestly didn’t think she (Princess the cat) would survive. But Rob caught the fight in time.  Merle actually never bit or punctured her. He just squeezed her and shook her. We got her out and ran to the vet. We had no idea when we left her there if she would survive the night…..and she did. She has no cracked bones, no punctures….just horrible pain. So far no internal injuries…we are watching her and giving her meds everyday. She is mobile enough to go potty and adjust her body to get comfortable.

So we had to make the hard decision after getting a talking to from the vet staff that he is a liability. Honestly, Clarissa, Bryce & myself didn’t want to part with him. Rob didn’t either but he had to be the man of the house and stay strong…while the rest of us begged to keep him….justified things and said that we would do anything. Lots of tears were shed. It took us a few days..and we delivered him today to the rescue he came from. He is worthy of a good home without small pets. If he were to kill another animal here I would be forced to put him down…and honestly other than his “small prey issue” he was a perfect fit for us. If the cat had not survived I may have tried to keep him. As we delivered him he didn’t want to go with them…Rob lost it and got in the car. I lost it as soon as they arrived. Carla came to town to support us…bc I have been a wreck…..and she lost it…she got in the car…and I kept talking. Petting him…sobbing and I couldn’t force myself to walk away. I finally had to just turn and we left. That loss of pain is worse than losing your pet to death. That’s how I really feel.

So here I think I am doing this great thing by rescuing a dog. Seriously. I am beating myself up and upset because I don’t want to be one of those people that gets a dog and  can’t handle him so they give him back. Those are bad pet owners. I am familiar with the breed… I know how to handle them…..but due to some other people who got a dog they could not handle …..they have mistreated this beautiful dog and made it difficult for him to find a home. So now we all have to experience loss again.So I feel like I betrayed him. I feel like I gave up on him. I feel like a failure. You can’t adopt a soul and take them back. My heart aches. I thought the loss of Brodie was bad…but at least I knew his pain was ending and that he had a good life. Now I just have to wonder?

So I see a theme in my life…I adopt a kid..she rejects me…..and I have to give her back to the world. I adopt a dog and have to give him back. I want to give up. I seriously can’t handle loss at all. I had bonded to him….and loved him. Any form of loss is obviously an issue for me.

I keep trying to think of the positive. He was so calming for Gracie. She is much calmer than she was. She didn’t have to carry the whole burden of protecting us. I wonder if her nervousness will come back? If it doesn’t than that was was a good reason for him to enter our world. She got over her loss of Brodie…and so did we. {But now I have worse grief}

We got his diet all worked out for him. He was allergic to corn…so he had issues with his ears and stomach. So we sent him with his good food. So at least he doesn’t have to suffer with that anymore.

Heavy hearts today. I feel like I never want to invest in another pet again. I have Gracie & Princess. That’s it. I can’t handle the grief this causes. I don’t want to feel this ever again. Innocent souls that love you unconditionally and offer free therapy……and when they leave you it leaves you empty inside.No matter how they leave you.

So I am going to watch Frozen with Roo & Carla and try to keep my mind occupied. I hope you all have a great Easter Weekend. I will be back shortly. 🙂

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “Saying Good-Bye

  1. My Dear, Dear, Friend. I understand your grief and sadness. You did the best possible thing you could for Merle. You gave him months of steady, loving, companionship and I know it was the best months of his life. I am so sorry about Princess and hope she fully recovers and has no lasting ill effects. You have to think about the safety of your other pets and I am sure under different circumstances had Merle not been mistreated in his former home he would never have attacked another animal. I know this is hard on you and your family and my heart aches for each and every one of you. Please remember that you are not sending him away into the unknown. You are sending him out with some history that you yourself had no knowledge of when you rescued him. They now know that he requires no small animals ever around him. No Corn products in his food. You gave him something that he never had before. Good history. Love you my Dear Friend. {{{Hugs}}}

  2. Here is one way to look at this . . . sometimes we are not a dogs final home, we are the bridge between where he was and where he is going. You gave this dog what he needed at the time, learned some things about him (his intolerance for small animals, his dietary needs, etc.) that will serve him well when he gets to his new home. This dog may have had some great qualities, but he also had issues that made him a bad fit for your home. The animals already in the house are your priorities and you made the right call to protect them by removing a very real threat to their lives and well-beings. There is no shame in that. I commend you for that. If they are reputable, the rescue will not place this dog in a home with small animals again, but in a home as an only dog. Then he has a chance to thrive. You did your part and you did it well. I am terribly saddened that your neighbor had to lose a beloved pet in the process and that you almost lost your own precious cat, but that is now behind us and to move forward he needed to be placed in a home with no other animals. Looking at it from this perspective, you can release the guilt and know that you not only did right by this dog, but also by the animals already in your home and that of your neighbors.

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