These last weeks have been terrible.
I don’t even know where to begin. I have been tested in every which way possible.
I have written my history here several times before…I come from white trash. Abusive parents, drug dealing parents….welfare abusers…pretty much anything you can think of was my environment growing up. I escaped and raised a good family. I brought my kids up in a loving home free of drugs, abuse and neglect. We raised them with values and morals. We taught them right from wrong and gave them every opportunity to be successful and get an education. I would say I probably over-protected my kids a bit. But when I reflect back and ask myself if I would change that…..I would say I wouldn’t. I don’t think if I could go back that I would protect them less. So I can sleep at night knowing that I did my best.
I have 3 adult children ( actually 4…but the fourth doesn’t actually graduate until June..and he turns 19 in July). The 3 adults are now living out on their own….they all dropped out of college. Make questionable choices for themselves and they are taking paths of destruction ( from my perspective). Carl was on the right track….3 years of college under his belt and he threw it all away in a blaze of glory and we had to ask him to leave our home. That was probably the most difficult thing Rob and I have ever had to do.
While all of this is going on…my quilting machine breaks down, my bank account is hacked and I am having issues with the IRS….what the heck? LOL when it rains it pours. No wonder I am not sleeping.
Preston turns 17 in a few weeks and he moved in with his dad last June and he is doing well. I am actually glad that we made that transition because I think it helped him in the long run even if he doesn’t understand that now.
Clarissa is going to be an only child as of June. We have had her in therapy for some issues. All of these changes have been difficult for her..the strife from the poor choices her siblings make and her own growing pains and hormone changes. She starts high school in the fall and these have been a rough couple of years. She is an avid animal lover and we made a deal for her to get her own puppy….I decided with the further changes,struggles, me leaving for 3 weeks and all of the chaos going on that we would get that puppy now. I wanted her to have something happy to focus on…and I went back and forth as to what kind of puppy to get her. She loves her grandmas Pomeranian. So I thought of that breed first. But they seemed so little and fragile, especially as puppies. So then I thought of an English bulldog…because they aren’t so tiny. Their dispositions are a lot like our English mastiff and we all love our Gracie.
Clarissa is an animal lover through and through and she wants to adopt pets instead of getting pure breeds….because she wants to save animals. I understand that. But due to the fact that we have had bad experiences with rescues…I want a puppy and I want to know the type of characteristics as much as possible. I know you can’t control everything. But chances are that I am going to have this dog when she leaves for college ect and I need a dog that will fit into our life-lifestyle. I think that’s just responsible pet ownership. She wanted a dog that was smaller than our mastiff so she could sleep with it ect. Well it became clear that English bulldogs are incredibly expensive if you find a reputable breeder. They are 2500-5000 $ each and I just can’t spend that much on a puppy. I had contacted no less than 6-7 adds for English bulldogs and they were all scams…even local buy-sell-trade adds on fb. It was crazy. I had spoken to more Nigerian scam artists than I have ever imagined. So I decided I will only buy a puppy that I can drive and pick up….so I decided back to Pomeranian. There was reputable breeder with puppies available 3 hours away. I was thinking about that. Then Rob had a Pomeranian puppy pop up on his fb feed in our local buy-sell-trade Fb group. I responded to the add but thought there wasn’t a chance I would get the puppy because I was like number 5 or 7 on the list. Well the next morning the gal contacted me because the first person didn’t want him and the other people weren’t responding. Rob drove over right away and picked him up. I can only say this was a God thing. I say that because the way it all came together for us to get this puppy and all he has given us in his short time already has been a HUGE blessing.
Clarissa chose his name and I think it’s so cute! She doesn’t really know who Elvis is..she was looking at Dog names on the net. LOL. I can’t wait to tell my Grandma…My Grandma is HUGE Elvis fan. Anyway, Elvis has been keeping Clarissa so focused and busy she doesn’t know the chaos that has been happening in the house. She didn’t know her brother was moving out until we told her because she has been so focused on Elvis. I am so glad. If he had not been here she would have been listening to all of the chaos and painful transactions. Elvis makes us all happy and he is a welcome distraction. He is quite the baby and he is training Clarissa well. LOL She even wants me to watch him while she showers because he whines when she is not near him. We all go and check on Elvis frequently because if you just see his face he makes you smile. Kali wasn’t sure about him and first..now they play and she lets him bite her ears ect. Gracie goes in between mothering him and then gets tired because she can’t keep up with him.
This is him sleeping in his laundry basket in my studio while I work…during the day when Clarissa is at school. He absolutely loves that stuffed dog.
I was unsure at first because he is just so tiny…but I tell ya his spirit is so big. We are all very cautious not to step on him and protect him…but he chooses when he wants to be babied and when he is a big guy. LOL!
I think this pup was a great investment in all of our mental health right now and I am so thankful we were blessed with him. Kali is going to be 2 years in June…So we have Gracie, our senior citizen. Kali, our teen and then Elvis the baby…but I call him the “King of Pups.”
Taking the 3 of them for a walk is an adventure. Kali and I have been going out and she is always ready for whatever adventure I take her on…..my constant companion. I feel guilty that I am going for an 86 mile adventure in England without her. She would so love walking with me.
Anyway..that is what is going on here. I am finding peace in the situation. I am faithful with everything going on around me. I know we all have trials and tribulations. I will make it through this and be stronger in the end. I thank God for all of my blessings and for providing peace and comfort.
Thank you for all the love, hugs and prayer being sent our way. I appreciate them.
Many blessings to all of you.