Hi Everyone…..well I have only had two conferences so far…..
OK I am so totally that person who believes she has failed as a parent if I go to a conference and get a bad report on a child. No matter how constructive that conference is supposed to be…my whole method of parenting…and the way I view my parenting abilities falls apart if my kids aren’t well behaved and reflect poor test scores/grades.
Well….I knew it would happen. one day. Today I went to Clarissa’s conference…and I was so embarrassed…..and thinking I am the worst parent on the planet…cause you know..it’s all about me..right? Clearly…cause f it was about my kid she would be doing well. right?
See how horrible I am on myself? I come home and think …” I am not a good parent” Forget that! She has her own mind, personality and weakness’. Then I think…oh no…her jacket is dirty….she has a hair out of place..so now that my kids is struggling academically, not behaving..she isn’t pretty either? No hope. WOW!
After I leave and bawl my eyes out…I realize Ok….STOP!! This is ridiculous! You need to re-group. YOu need to focus and get her there. What are the “real” issues.
Clarissa is so dang stubborn. She refuses to ask for help. I know part of it is her own personality…the other part is our house hold. Her older brothers will make her feel like she is stupid if she doesn’t know something. They are always in competition with each other…critical of each other…that has trickled down. She watches and learns everything…this is her perspective. So she won’t ask question for fear of looking dumb. Then when she doesn’t want to do something because it’s difficult she talk… socializes..doesn’t listen in class. She doesn’t want to do things that will stretch her mind…she likes to stay in her comfort zone. LOL
WOW!! Wasn’t I just talking about this?
So let’s not make this about me…but inadvertently, I am raising a mini-me……She reads people and knows people’s hearts and feelings. She knows how to people please.
This week we bought her new snow boots. She wore them for the first time to school yesterday. When she came home I saw her wearing her bestie’s older boots. I said “Why do you have Shelby’s boots?” She said “Because Shelby wanted to wear mine”…while looking down at her feet. I said “Ok…well tomorrow you tell Shelby to give your boots back…Or I will call her dad”…She looked at me horrified like..I can’t say that to her. Today she came back with her boots….I said “what happened” She smiled….and said “Shelby said we had to trade cause her Dad told her she couldn’t do that again”..LOL Clarissa was so happy she had been rescued. I wanted her to learn how to take care of it herself..and she was saved again..which is perfectly fine. But I am the same way. I struggle with this acceptance thing and I am 34…WHAT am I doing to my kid?!!! I want to scream inside..it’s like a generational Curse! So enough about me. LOL
I will put my BIG..Big girl panties on and I will make sure she does better in school…but I have just had this inner war for the last 2 hours…
Why do I let outside things matter. How can these outside things influence how I think or feel about myself? Something as simple as that can ruin my whole self image..the way I view my parenting…and think I am a failure? Clearly we all have stumbling blocks and struggles? I want to believe I am not alone in this? right? Does it get better with age, experience…spiritual growth? Intellectual growth? Probably all of the above. I am tired just thinking of how far I need to grow and learn. My brain is already tired. LOL
I know part of it is that I want to be a good mom so badly..that I hold that role in such high regard…that if i fail in some tiny way…I might as well have failed everything..their whole lives will be ruined because of me….all or nothing attitude. Why do I have that?>
Pray for your CRAZY friend!