My Little Girl

…IS growing up. I see the changes already….it makes me tear up just thinking about it. She is so much like me…but different in many ways. IMG_8152

Since she was a baby she has LOVED animals. A serious love. She lives & breathes them…she gets that from her Dad & his mom. IF she didn’t like bacon & steak so much I think she would be a vegetarian. Rob keeps saying she would be a great Veterinarian…that she should get a job as a vet tech.  I say “no” she shouldn’t. She won’t handle the loss very well. Just like humans..they don’t go to the Dr. when something great is happening. Animals go to the vet with they are having issues and for shots. LOL That will ruin her.  I know her to well to know that she would never get over loss everyday. IMG_8160 IMG_8159

But I should video tape one of these days…when she comes down stairs for anything she gets mauled by Merle. He starts jumping and getting all excited…he loves her so much!  He is gentle and doesn’t knock her over..he easily could. She teases him by poking at his mouth and he acts like he is going to chomp on her…but he doesn’t. He has to touch her all the time. IMG_8158

When she was in the 3rd grade she would get up early everyday and straighten her hair with a flat iron. 4th grade not so much..she was growing and liked to sleep in. This year she is experimenting with curling irons and hot curlers.  She even got out my make up this weekend and played with that. In an honest way…not a dress up way. I think she was pretty pleased with herself. I think she is beautiful….but I must admit that I don’t like the make up thing because she looks so much older and my heart can’t take it. In a few short years she will be wearing it everyday. ( I was by the 7th grade). Some of the curling irons that she is playing with I have had since I was her age. LOL. You know I girl can’t have the same size, style for to long. Why get rid of them? They always come back around in style. (you know that was only a few years ago)IMG_8153

I think she is beautiful of course. She is still learning the tricks of the curling iron….so some of her ends are whacky…I tried to get pictures to remember that. IMG_8154

We had to buy her training bras in December (around there) and she is so private about it. She is starting to develop and she is layering her clothes because of it. A family friend noticed her body changes..I think Clarissa about died when she said something in front of everyone.  I am not sure she is really comfortable with the changes her body is making. I remember that feeling. I didn’t want to talk about it and I felt ashamed…but I thought that was just because my mother wasn’t open about those things. So I thought something was wrong with me. I am wondering if Clarissa is so private because she gets so much teasing from her brothers…everyone else has been so open about it. But I also wonder if she doesn’t want to be “different” than her brothers. She so looks up to them and she is always trying to gain approval from them and her Daddy. They think they are teasing her…but it really crushes her inside. I am always trying to do damage control. They have not realized that they can’t talk to her the way they talk to each other.  So we are going to have a meeting ..maybe while she is at ballet so we can explain the differences between boys & girls. They need to build her up a little.IMG_8156 IMG_8157

I noticed my deodorant was missing. Which I don’t care that she used/uses it…but I needed to use it as well….so I asked her to take it back to the bathroom and then I bought her one she wanted. Even choosing a deodorant in front of her dad was difficult for her? She just wanted to throw something in the cart and go on….like if nobody saw it it wasn’t happening. I feel so bad for her..I just want her to be comfortable. It is something to be celebrated. She is also shaving her legs…I suspect. But she has not yet come to me. So I am going to have to bite the bullet and have a “Girls day” with her and just show her everything. I am afraid that when her cycle comes she will have a break down. Or maybe she will keep it private & not tell me. That is so sad. ALL my other kids have always felt comfortable coming to me with the difficult things…I am not sure what I have done wrong?  I think its just her…she so private. She knows how to keep a secret ….she is aware of everything around her and she reads people so well. I also know she HATES change. So that could be a big part of it. Change & her don’t sit well.  I know soon she will be filled with hormones..and she will no longer be my little girl. But I know for sure….she will come back to me. I actually can’t imagine her being far from me…..she is extremely loyal. But you just never know where life will take her. She is a caretaker and that is her love language. I empathize with that.   These are the times that I want to tattoo on my brain. When she is still loving, fun & uses her imagination. She can still sit & color for hours. She likes to make lists..she likes order and reason. She likes keeping track of certain things….I understand that to a T. But she also can’t be to overwhelmed….she gets that from her Dad. She isn’t quick to hurt anyone’s feelings…she always try to preserve ones heart…I love that about her. She will make sacrifice to herself rather than hurt another living soul. That’s not always good. But we try to give her permission & reason when we know it’s affecting her.

So here’s my little girl ….for now anyway.

 

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