Who would have been able to predict our years together? Surely not I. I am amazed every year at what we have come through and still together. Honestly. Marriage is so difficult.
I had learned in my young life that you don’t communicate. When the going gets tough you hurl insults, slam the door and then cut the person out of your life. So I had to learn from the school of “hard knocks” how to have relationships. With everyone. It’s been a rocky road for me. For Rob he didn’t learn to communicate in a whole different way. For one he has Aspergers. So he is an introvert that doesn’t like communication by nature. But he wasn’t ever taught that he should or would need to at some point communicate. So in the beginning I would ask a million question to get some insight as to how I was supposed to communicate with him to get what I needed from him. I shared this last year I think…but Rob does best when is not under pressure. So writing letters ( emails ect) helps him sort out his thoughts & convey to me what I need to know. But the longer we are together and the more secure we both are..I find things in every day life that make me love him more & clue me in to how he feels about me. I adapt easily to what they all need from me….but I also know I don’t always convey what I am feeling through my voice. I have had to guard myself alot and insecure in my self…..as the boys get older they point out things that I need to work on.
Rob is working on my control issues and helping me. He gently guides me and talks me through them in a logical way. I have learned how to respect a man. I have also learned to focus on the good things with men rather than the bad. I was trained in my young environment to see only bad things. Does Rob have bad habits? Sure. But his good qualities far outweigh the bad ones.
There are two things above all else that I love about Rob.
The first is that he protects me. I, from a young age felt vulnerable and abused. High on my list of attributes is to have a man on my side. Seriously. Even when he is guiding me & directing me he doesn’t criticize me. He will fight for me and he will take on my enemies as well. There was one time this last year when he told me “I don’t agree with you but I will fight for your side.” ( It was an incident with Bryce & giving him more freedoms…The only thing Rob & I ever argue about). I feel safe and that I always have someone in my corner. He will even try to protect me from drama and keep me safe. He won’t stand for anyone even uttering one bad word about me in front of him….no matter who it is. I have realized that not all husbands are this way. ( My first one wasn’t…he would have handed me to the wolves to fend for myself…LOL.) I hear other women talk and how they have to fight their own battles…..not only their own but their husbands as well. My husband may be helpless in the kitchen or on the BBQ …..I can get over those things to feel safe and protected.
The second thing is that Rob LOVES his family. Above all else Rob will do anything to keep his family together. In the beginning of our marriage we were blind. Dumb type of blind. LOL We both sabotaged our relationship in so many ways. It’s a miracle we are together. At my last counseling appointment we reviewed some things in my life and I am just AMAZED at where Rob & I are now. Rob has had to come out of his “shell” alot just to be a part of this family. He has had to make personal sacrifice to keep us all together. He breaks his back everyday at a labor job to keep us all together. He also does alot of things to ease the burden on the family. Housework, home improvements, mediating, talking (hehe) & girl stuff for his daughters. I am not going to say that he takes it all in stride…..but what I will say is that I love that he tries and works really hard at things I know he hates or he isn’t good at. That’s what people around him can appreciate. That’s how we know he loves us.
The more he comes out of his shell the more people get to see the real him that I see. Many times when people see him…all they see is a tall guy, no smile and little communication. So they judge him on those things. Our Pastor is one of Rob’s best friends. Rob has opened up more & more around people in church. I think the friendship between he & Walt has made his social skills better. I have seen him pour out his heart to another man ( during our struggles) and it made my heart melt. 11 years ago that would not have happened….I even doubted 11 years ago that Rob had any emotions…much less cry or ask for help.
So along with Rob helping to stabilize me and offering me a continued Rock to stand…..I think I have been helping him learn to communicate better and express things he bottles up. We are on this journey together. I am growing because I no longer fear being left alone with just him. LOL I am looking forward to retiring and having him be at my side no matter where we are. The most important things really can’t be bought. God brought us together and he is working in each of us…..
Happy Anniversary-I love You, Rob! You are my best friend!