Well I thought I would give some updates as to what has been happening..even thought you have had a few lately. Until last weekend..even my husband said “Hey you haven’t made a personal post in awhile” He’s an avid fan of my blog. I think he checks it to see how he is doing ..LOL!
Today is the start of my pre-op diet. I actually didn’t have to start this early….but I wanted to because I am gaining weight at a rapid rate thinking “this will be the last time I can have this” and growing out of my clothes. I still have a month before surgery and I am not OK with that. SO I figured I would get in a different mindset and start training myself for the future. The more I talk about the surgery and my restrictions after surgery my family thinks I have lost all of my marbles. They keep saying it’s not worth it…but then they will do nothing to change their bad habits. So I have to do what is best for me. I am tried of cooking healthy things for my family and all they do is complain. They just want kid food & fast food…and they should weight 500 pounds. They are no longer at ages that I need to accept responsibility for their health. My oldest daughter has always -always struggled with her weight..I kept her under control while she lived at home ( the best I could) now that she has been on her own for 2 years..she is 300 pounds (or close) and she has no clue how she got there…because she refuses to eat properly. Its’ all fast food and junk. The only thing that saves my boys is their athletic lifestyle. Carl actually doesn’t over eat…and he likes healthy food. He’s the only one. Clarissa will be just like my older daughter…..she just doesn’t have the same frame currently. Rob is a terrible eater & bad example.
So on my pre-op diet I can have up to 3 protein shakes. I am making my own so I can control the sugars.
I can have any vegetables I want…cooked or fresh. I can also have up to 8 ounces of lean protein a day and 2 servings of healthy fat. avacado or light dressing ect.
So that’s not terrible. I have been on this diet several times (well without the shakes) and I manage just fine. So I am not starving or anything. I made veggie soup this morning.
yesterday was Mother’s day…I have written before about how I am not a real fan of Mother’s day. I don’t want a big deal made of it. In fact I have been looking at myself..and I actually don’t like a big deal made of anything surrounding me. My Birthday, mothers day ect. I am sure that stems from self worth issues….and I am hoping this journey will help with that. I am not fooling myself to believe it’s a cure all…but I think if I have a little bit of success in this area…I might be able to carry myself the rest of the way. 🙂 Since it was Mother’s Day …no matter how many times I tell my family not to get me gifts…..because usually it’s not something I would request or I have to act like I like…you know? I hate being fake. Anyway they decided to get me a Nutri-Ninja. I was a bit stunned actually. They said they thought I might need it because of my surgery..which is completely correct. So they have actually been listening? weird. It’s because our blender is on it’s last leg…and they knew it wouldn’t last long. I used it this morning…& I can just say that thing is quite the beast. It’s powerful & fast.
Yesterday was the last day I could eat bad food. So what was my meal of choice? KFC. I love fried Chicken, mashed potatoes & biscuits. So that’s what we did.
My surgery is less than a month away. I keep reading and researching. Watching results, reading personal accounts …and recording recipes I will want to try. I am 90% sure I will book the Mommy Makeover surgery next year after the weight loss. The results are stunning. It will be something I can look forward to and stay on track. I am going through my clothes and sorting them out. I was told to get rid of mostly everything ( in my winter closet) because I won’t fit any of it by the time next winter comes. I really thought it would be easy to go through and get rid of everything. Honestly, it isn’t. It is really difficult for me to believe that those clothes won’t fit. There is a HUGE mental game that plays in your head with the surgery and rapid weight loss. Almost every account I have read talks about it. So it may take me awhile to actually gather everything up. I am sure there will come a time when it won’t be difficult I will be convinced and proud.
I also took some before photos…so I can see the afters. I am not ready to share those yet. I was pretty shocked when I saw them. I have let myself go so badly in such a short amount of time. It’s unreal. But I want to record all of these fears and feelings..so that when I come back and I can remember.
Surgery has been consuming me. Getting work done. Also the thought of my son graduating and leaving home…sits on my chest like a brick wall. He is so wishy-washy which causes me anxiety. I need to be a rock…and somehow as much as I know that..I can’t make myself. I freak out mentally about every day. I feel like a failure. blah!
We did get all of our planting done….YAY! Sow it’s time to just sit & watch all of the magic happen. I love that. I am going to be forced to get back in routine because of my diet…and cooking regularly again..I have been bad at that the last few weeks. Just trying to survive the work load and things happening in our lives.
Well that’s it for now. I hope you all have a wonderful afternoon!