I am tired. I even went to be earlier than usual. But I woke up several times during teh night..restless sleep. Thinking about everything I have to accomplish. Why do I get like that? In one moment I have to learn to accept that I will always have a full-plate in the next moment I stress because I wnat to try and get ahead. I will NEVER be ahead. That is just me. When I have an inkling of a chance I fill it…..I used to fill my days with activities and take on everyone else’s tasks because I was avoiding myself..my baggage. then I took on everybody else’s stuff so I could get acceptance..I am past those “issues”…So now what? What is my problem now? Rob says I am addicted to stress……which could be true ( I spoke of this before) ..in my weak Moments I get resentful of him for not being part of the rat race…and not ever really caring about getting ahead and having a perfectly manicured lawn. He would rather be lazy and have a day off…I don’t really know what is wrong with him? I try to take a day off…and I still do things that nag at me so I can let them go….so I can replace them with other naggers. Rob doesn’t have that.
I told myself I was going to take the weekend off because Carla was here…but I still had to fill it with tasks that needed to be done. School clothes shopping, IRR sewing and quilt swap sewing…I got off the long arm for a few days..but then I just picked up the DSM. 3 days without long arm quilting…..that happens maybe every couple of months…and I always feel guilty. I think about how much I could have done….do all people that work from home have this issue? I feel like since I have to rely on myself…I have to work twice as hard. Twice as long. I do this to myself…nobody does this to me. †In reality I am not so far behind…..I just make it out to be that way in my mind. Why?
So when I get this way I feel overwhlemed. When I feel overwhelmed I just want to avoid. This is a really bad thing. It perpetuates the cycle. So i will push through today like I always†do..and find that sweet spot of motion that keeps me going.† Once I get that momentum I will think “Why was I overwhlemed?”
This is my typical Monday. Please let me know I am not alone?
Here si what I get to be thankful for this week:
All 4 boys are gone.
There will be no fighting or argueing.
There will be no teasing, perverted talk or balls bouncing in the house.
The house will be quiet.
Yeah…..That shouls have made me bounce out of bed. Honestly.
So here’s to Monday!