January 14th..Saturday..really??

Can it even be possible that it is the middle of January already?
Do you know one of my favorite people in the whole world..well I should say used to be in the world…It’s Mother Teresa. I am not Catholic. I am merely a bible believing Christian that doesn’t follow any specific religion…it’s about me and God. Can anyone rely deny that Mother Teresa will be in heaven? Did she talk about being “Saved?” I can’t say for sure I am not God…I can’t see her inner heart.
My suspicion (or discernment) is that she will be there when I arrive. But who’s to say, other than God? This week I have had many conversations with many people about God. I am truly blessed to know God…I honestly feel a HUGE responsibility to be a light for him in the position I am in…I am also thankful to people who write me ….even if it is to ask me 100 questions because they doubt …or if it I just to share. I have time for God. Honestly…..he has given me to much for me not to carve out time for him or his word.

Here is a quote from Mother Teresa:

Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies….

How true is that?

I can only be faithful.
Today I also had a moment ..about a half an hour of my day dedicated to doing some works for our ladies group at my (old) church.

It was really a minor thing to me….
but this comes to mind:

being unwanted , unloved and uncared for,forgotten by everybody, I think is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty that someone with nothing to eat. Mother Teresa.

When I went and did this little deed….and the woman asked “How did you know?” I said God.

God knew.

Doesn’t God know all? God remembered….God cares for you…God hasn’t forgotten you…God wants you and God loves you…..There is no poverty with God is there? God is so basic ……he wants us and he loves us. I don’t mean to say that he isn’t basic because God is everything…but what I mean is all we really need to understand is the basics. Then everything else will come.

I didn’t know this woman….I don’t know her circumstances..and it didn’t matter to me..I am just doing what I am supposed to do..and that makes me feel good. But I have to admit I came home crying. I am soft, I know. Should I feel guilt for having more than someone else? no. What was I really feeling? I don’t know? Sometimes I have to go through a process with my emotions..crying is my outlet. I will cry if I am angry, sad, happy, frustrated…so crying is not something I can use to measure what I am feeling.

If I am trying to work out what I am feeling..and I can’t cry..well then there my unhealthy relationship with food comes in.. right? UGH! It rears it’s ugly little head… I hate that. I am trying to get better about that. So I am still trying to decide how I feel. What I feel. It was kind of like when I left Jamaica on my mission trip…Honestly, I ran through every emotion on that trip…fear. I was paralyzed in fear. I couldn’t even believe I was going on a mission out of the country. I had told everyone around me …I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. LOL Then the opportunity came up and I didn’t even think about it..I just said ….YES. I hadn’t even talked to my family before I said …yes. It just came out. Then the doubts started creeping in….after I had gotten on the plane to go…well then I could barely breathe. I just had to trust God. We finally landed and again FEAR. I couldn’t think straight. The pastor came to me and said ..Are you Ok? I thought: LOL UHHH was there time to turn back? He saw the fear. So he said …It’s Ok…I will stay with you the whole time. He was true to his word..but I eventually got more comfortable. We didn’t stay long..it was a short term mission..but I can tell you I was home sick..it felt like I had been away from my family for a lifetime. I had been through so much on that trip…I had seen so many things that were beyond what I could have ever imagined myself…I learned so much about myself, and other people..and true poverty. How we take our health for granted….amongst so many other things. As homesick as I was…driving away ..leaving the village..I sobbed the whole way. I really wanted to go home to my family…but I also didn’t want to leave. A piece of me was left there. My faith grew so much on the trip…God became something so much more special to me…even now I can’t explain it…something profound happened to me ..that I can’t explain…I can’t process it to know..and it is something within me…..Some things I guess I just don’t need to understand..I just need to feel it.

Feel…..

Maybe that was one of those things today? I shouldn’t analyze everything..I just need to feel it. Maybe that is so much of my problem…look at me analyzing again..hehe.

Maybe I had to travel to Jamaica to have that profound moment. Maybe that’s why I didn’t even hesitate when the mission came up?

You know one of my favorite moments in my whole life.

When I arrived at SEA-TAC airport ( after my mission)….Rob had told me that some of the kids couldn’t come to the airport because they had some tests..so he would just come get me..and I could see the kids when I got home. I was really sad about that, I had never been away from them that long… it did seem like I had been gone an eternity because so much of me had changed…I actually had to go to a class that night…I was so faithful to school…LOL I came from the airport and went straight to class. Anyway…when I was gathering my luggage I saw Rob and ran to him and buried my face in his shirt crying..I was so happy, relieved to see him..it was like I was home already. Then all of a sudden hiding behind a wall..out came all of my kids…to grab me in hugs and kisses. Oh how overwhelming!
They all told me how much they missed me…I then buried my face in Rob again…LOL. Rob is almost a whole foot taller than me….hehe..so I can easily bury myself in him…but he kept asking me what was wrong..how come I was crying. Rob told me how proud he was of me. Hugged me..and just loved me. That’s all I needed. My kids told me they were so proud of me. It felt so good to be home. But I suspect that now if I were to go back to Jamaica I would feel a piece of home there now too.

In that trip I had joy, peace, fear, sadness, frustration, anger, love and just about every emotion you can think of….I was exhausted…not only that I had physical ailments….I kind of have bowel issues when I leave home..and let’s just say the accommodations don’t promote bowel health when you already have issues with going in public…so think 9 days without a movement..yeah. Ironically one night we got to go out to Montego bay..we ate some bad salad… it made everyone else sick…well let’s just say it moved mountains for me….I felt relief. It was the best parasites I have ever had..LOL. To bad it didn’t stick around I could be a size 4 now. Maybe not.

Well I read an article about having an authentic blog….I think with this message alone..nobody can say that I am not authentic..I just shared valuable..er I mean vulnerable authentic info…LOL

Anyway..I should get to bed…early church tomorrow….I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
Blessings
C

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