Well Today I am 38 years old. I am not afraid of getting old. I am actually looking forward to 40. I have always heard from others that the 40’s are a great. Better than the 20’s & 30’s. Mainly because we may know ourselves a bit better and we come into your own. I hope that’s true. Also during my 40’s I will be entering a new stage in my life of losing all of my kids and becoming an empty nester. That’s what happens when you start early. 🙂
I am not sure I am real happy about that part. Being an empty nester will be difficult for me. But we shall see. Maybe I will like it because I will have money, healthy foods in the house and a clean house? right?
How do I feel about all of this? I don’t really know. I just started a new journey and I am still in the throws of that.This weight loss journey isn’t easy…by any stretch of the imagination. But it’s a piece of the puzzle that I need to work on. So I am doing it!
I have lost 47 pounds this far. I am walking most days. I am sleeping better because I can actually breath without all of the extra weight. Its’ amazing how fast all of that has turned around. I can actually sit on the couch in my jeans….before that I would just take my jeans off the minute I entered the house and put on my pajamas. Now it’s not an issue because everything is loose and comfortable. So that’s really nice. I have only gone down one size….but that’s ok. 3 more pounds and I will show some before & after photos. I am still not seeing the weight loss on myself…so it will be nice to have the side by side. So that’s where I am on that front. 🙂
I am also learning (again) in my family (the one I came from…..if you can refer to it as family) that they can go to extreme lows. Don’t dare tell them “no” or “stay away from me” They are so sick & demented…& not used to hearing “NO” that they have to make a big deal about everything. They don’t care what they do to cause havoc on everyone around them…it’s all about them and what they want. All of the hope I had for them to change went out the window within a week of them getting out of prison. Nothing has changed. I have heard so many times that we can never give up hope. I know there is always Hope where there is God. I am done. In all actuality none of us have anything in common. They are only half siblings anyway and I am sorry that I have to claim that much of them…..They are shameful and only intend to hurt anyone in their paths. It’s their mission in life. Hopefully, I will never again have to deal with them or their mother. I hope the best for them…I really hope they change their lives. But I don’t care to see how their stories end, anymore. I just want them to become a very distant memory. I can’t reflect back on my childhood with any good memories ….most people wish they could go back to their care free lives…..my childhood was anything but carefree…and I would rather have one rough day in my life now than for all of those years…that speaks volumes.
I feel blessed with the family that I raised. Even in our difficult times ( which we have had…believe me) ….my family is so much more healthy. I am so incredibly proud of that. Honestly. My oldest son is struggling with some things personally and he is seeing a therapist on his own. Makes his appointments and attends. I am so proud of this. Why? Because many people think that counseling is a waste of time….or that we don’t need that. I have seen a counselor most of my life. I will go when it’s needed & for maintenance. There is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. If you can have someone help you process & sort your feelings….why would you not go? Why not go to someone who has been trained….and works with many people. The family I came from thinks that they don’t need it…but their lives are constantly in turmoil. Weird. Right? When I heard that this was happening I was so incredibly proud. Even when you think everything falls on deaf ears …while you are parenting. Some things do sink in.
All of my children communicate well ( mostly). They are learning proper conflict resolution. I thought of this other day. You know Donald Trump is in the news a lot right now because of the primaries. I don’t want to share my political views right now…well mostly because I don’t know where anyone stands on issues. The issues are being glazed over currently. However, I really dislike that anytime Donald has an issue with someone he calls them a “Loser”. IS that really helpful? Let’s say why you have a disagreement with them?….let’s try to resolve the conflict. Why do we have to hurl insults and smear them? This is how White trash argues…not the White House. . ( trust me I come from white trash I am very familiar with it…they can’t come up with anything concrete..they hurl insults, swear and then start with violence..& obviously take what they want…at any cost) I am wondering if this is why Donald is high in the poles currently? I am a conservative as most of you know….and even if he has good ideas..I am having issues with the commotion he is starting. I try to raise my kids to figure out why they feel a certain way. Why do they want to throw that punch? Or how to go to someone and properly communicate and this is what is displayed in the media by a potential presidential candidate? Even though I wonder daily if I am in the Twlight Zone when I look at the media or news….I feel I need to raise my children with a higher standard. They are already in that space..I can see the fruits of my labor in small ways. Thank GOD!!
I feel in just two short years when I turn 40 I will see even more fruits of my labor. Each year things become more and more clear. I keep striving for better things and improving myself. That’s all I can do is try to be better than I was the day before.
At this point in my life I am feeling like I am handling things better than I did before..I see things more clearly. I am being more mindful of what I am spending. I am more mindful of what I put into my body. I am thinking long term and I am making healthy choices..in most areas of my life. That is way better than I was in my 20’s. I am not trying to please anyone that walks into my life. I am living to please God and my family.What more can I do?
So how does it feel to be 38? It feels better today than it did yesterday. I am not one to make a big deal of my birthday or anything. I just think it’s any other day…..But it does give me pause to think about how far I have come and to look forward to what’s ahead. Each new day is a blessing. As long as I believe that I am thankful for each moment. Each year things change at a rapid rate and as much as I would like to go back to some times in our lives and relive them ……I know that’s not possible for a reason. We only get one life. ONE chance and I need to take each day ,moment, minute, memory and love them. It is mine.
Happy Birthday to me.