Happy New Years! & A Happy Anniversary to Rob.

Today marks 13 years of marriage for my Darling Husband (DH), Rob,  and I.

wowza!! 13 years!!

So here is a REAL picture of our marriage. We had to get married on a holiday so he would remember. (true)

I know, I have said this before but coming from my family…it’s more common to have been married 13 times rather to have been married for 13 years….no lies. ( maybe an exaggeration….most people in my family have only been married 3-5 times…then they decide to quit getting married and just live in sin because the fees and paperwork are to much work for marriage & divorce. LOL)

Rob and I could have been one of those divorce statistics. We were both divorced, have a blended family, and both had trust issues…and quite frankly both of us didn’t have examples of what a “normal” family was like ….if any of us actually do? I don’t know?

We decided to beat those odds and work through our countless issues. I remember being in church so many times after being married to him just begging God to help me…to help me love him the way I was supposed to…to help me learn how to communicate with him…..I was desperate to learn and make it work….. for many reasons…..I loved him, I didn’t want to fail again, I couldn’t separate our family, I had pride…( not a good reason)….

BELIEVE me when I say…Rob didn’t make that easy. He was fighting me all the way….and just when you are broken to nothing…..like in all growth lessons. We both decided to put both feet in and sink or swim.

Rob and I had to pull together and build up our marriage to what it is now.

We have learned how to communicate….mostly. LOL

What can I say? It’s difficult communicating with an ASPY ( my husband and 1 son have Aspergers) when you communicate with feelings for the majority of your communication.

We hardly ever fight at all. We used to fight anytime that we actually communicated. There are still times in frustration when we will bark at each other. It’s usually bc I am frustrated within myself because I can’t find the way to communicate to him in a way for him to understand ( he doesn’t actually know how difficult it is for me to think before I speak to try & convey a message to him…) or the other problem-> he is hungry or frustrated with something himself. If he is hungry there is no talking to him. If he is frustrated he doesn’t really know healthy ways of channeling that. So we are all working with him on that….thankfully it’s not an everyday challenge.

This last few months has been challenging for Rob. I know he feels a bit insecure in my changes….I think that’s something that a lot of people shy away from talking about. When one person say…loses a lot of weight. Life changes.

Our life has changed because I am not home or as available as much because-> I am out running or swimming. Our life has changed because I am making healthy foods (that he doesn’t like. ) Just like a typical male….one way to Rob’s heart is through his stomach and unfortunately he likes fast food & kid food. Nothing healthy really. He won’t even eat fresh fruit…..he doesn’t like seafood…the list is long of things he doesn’t like.

1 Thing I really dislike about Rob ( while I am thinking about it…when I should really be listing all of these wonderful things i love about him…..) is that he is a complainer. ( I have a few kids that are like this too). Complainers are so loud…they complain about everything. I often tell the complainers in my house that I can’t hear it anymore…because they would complain if they won a million dollars…and seriously …he would.

Just like most people who listen to complainers…..I have learned to tune it out. So then when he has a “real” issue ..he gets upset that I am not validating his feelings. ( I want to buy a few copies of Peter cried Wolf. …just pass them out to a few people and family members that I know…LOL)  (so in my New Years goals….I said if I complained I had to write down 3 blessings…I just complained about Rob’s complaining….so I will follow this up with 3 blessings….)

Getting back to the cooking/healthy food issue….

I on the other hand enjoy good, whole, healthy foods. I like a variety of foods ….and I am open to try new things (mostly).

So those are changes that have happened in the everyday life. However, He was “worried” before surgery that I would change so much and not be “out looking for guys” or looking for male attention. All of this due to the guys at work convincing him that this is what always happens when wives lose weight.

{I swear the guys at his work are part of the “Gossip Crew”…..those guys talk about more stuff than I have ever heard women talk about. I go to coffee & lunch with several friends each week…and we usually talk about bettering ourselves and what not…..Rob’s work friends..not so much.}

I find this ridiculous….because my love is not superficial, for one thing. I don’t want male attention. For another thing…one of the reasons I put on the fat suit was because ..male attention was scary to me. That is an issue, I have to deal with. I have been assuring Rob the whole way that I was here for the long haul. It’s amazing to me that after this amount of time, work, energy and love…that he would feel that insecure? But We all struggle in certain things.  All I think now is that He(Rob) actually does need to start getting active and stronger so he can share activities with me.

Rob and I don’t have a lot in common. We don’t watch Tv together ( because we have very few common shows that we like) and he doesn’t read, craft, do art, not a particular people person…..The list could go on….

We also don’t have the same work ethic….which has been an issue.

I have learned not to focus on the negatives….(mostly. But for this real picture I am writing in this post..it might sound like I do.) For the most part we believe in the same politics, religious views and family values.

So we talk about the news…our kids, and God. That seems to sustain us.

We play and joke with each other all of the time. Usually, on FB. Becuase then I have time to think about my responses. He is a bit quicker than I am with the jokes…but in my defense…..he will hear something and then memorize it and wait to use it in the perfect timing…..I think of all of my own material. Instead of cataloging “burns”

The things that I love about Rob is his Loyalty, the way he protects & defends me…I know that many men say they will take a bullet for their wives…..the thing is that–> I believe my husband would, He wouldn’t even think about it…he would just do it. Probably before I even knew that there was an issue at hand.

Rob has learned that my love language is to feel safe & secure. He doesn’t let people say anything bad about me or to me if he is in a room. Not even our own children.

Rob has never once told me I need to lose weight…he has always told me  that I was pretty or beautiful. Honestly, I am not even sure he noticed the weight? ( maybe he did and was just nice) He would be more upset with me for not valuing myself or feeling insecure …and getting in my own way. I think he was beside himself trying to convince me that I was worthy of all I have done, earned, ect. He is always pushing me to be my best me….even if he doesn’t understand me. Who can’t use that type of support?

Despite his insecurities on my weight loss journey he has supported me (unless it was food). He pushed me to go with the surgery..when I was having doubts. Not because he wanted me to..but because he knew how much I wanted it…and sometimes fear will get in my way.

He celebrates my milestones & victories. He doesn’t complain about the gifts I have bought myself along the way. He has come to all of my races….and supported me. But more than that he is my cheerleader….I know he is super proud of me. Which is also a very important thing for me….I really want him to be proud of me. I want HIM to be more proud of me..than I am for myself. He is the most important person in my life besides God. If he didn’t-> I would deal with it…because I have learned to deal with that particular let down (not having a proud parent….always disappointing ect. We can’t let outside validation dictate our inner worth). But in my heart of hearts ……it’s something that I love and crave from him…and it makes my heart swell.

Rob is consistent and doesn’t put on any shows…he is who he is….and it’s just the way it is. I appreciate that. I like real. I like flaws. I love the man I married and I am so thankful that I get to learn & grow (we all know I am happiest when I am growing….haha!) and walk through life with Him.

I am looking forward to many more years to come! IN fact I know my best years are ahead of me due to my new found health and second chance at life!

I love you,  Robbie! To the moon & back!

Charisma

 

 

7 thoughts on “Happy New Years! & A Happy Anniversary to Rob.

  1. Happy Anniversary Dear and Happy new years 13 yrs is very good my hubby and I are working on 44 yrs in Feb The work is hard but so worth it when you love him that much

  2. I am Crying reading this. I think you and Rob both are so fortunate to have found one another!! God bless you both and happy anniversary!!

    Love you both, Pat

  3. From someone who was married to her hero for sixty-three and a half years, it sounds to me like you and Rob are working hard on being real people…. Jack and I were. It takes honesty and being true to your inner self to stay in a relationship. I can tell you that communication is so very important, and when I learned to do it correctly our marriage improved. Jack was the type of person who kept judgments to himself and was kind to everyone. I cannot praise him enough, and I think that is important. You are praising Rob while recognizing he still has faults, and that is good. I wish the two of you many more happy years, and hope your love stays strong while you grow. My biggest challenge now is living without my best friend, so do cherish what you have. I look forward to knowing you more as you share. I really love who you are. It is good to be one’s own best friend. Love you. Roberta

  4. Congratulations! Keep growing together….Each year gets better and better.
    My Hubby and I are 37 years in 2016…So Happy…
    Kathleen

  5. Happy Anniversary to both of you!!! The key that you mentioned a couple of times is that God is first and that you take your problems to Him in prayer! I think a lot of people do
    not realize how powerful prayer is!!
    It sounds like Rob may have had many hurts and disappointments in his life that hold him back. As you continue to grow and read what God gives you, I believe God will show you ways to help DH grow too!
    God bless you both with health and happiness.
    Nancy

  6. We are in our 37th year. Hasn’t been easy at all, but May 20 will be 38. Frank is 89 years and I am 81 years now. Without Christ we would not have made it to 3 years. We are not even having daily devotions together after breakfast. CHRIST is your answer to success. Not ‘Keep Christ in Christmas’, but “Keep Christ the center of your marriage.”

  7. Congratulations on your 13 wedding anniversary! That’s wonderful! My husband and I will celebrate our 39th next month. I shared some of our struggles with you and things have been even more difficult but we are stronger than ever and ONLY due to us steering closer to the cross. Charisma, the more I realize how very much God loves us the more I am in awe of Him. He wants the very best for us and that means He wants to rely on Him. So what ever that means He will allow. Thank you for being so vocal on relying on Jesus Christ for your strength and for sharing your weaknesses and strengths. Thank you for sharing Dave Ramsey with everyone. My husband and I are full on in the program. We are both exercising and working together on finances and we are sooooo excited.
    God bless you both as you draw closer to the cross together. I love you! You are so kind!

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