I am down 50 pounds!! YAy! I have some unflattering pictures down below..so if you don’t want to see this much of your quilter..please don’t go down any further!!
So this journey started May 10th. I had Surgery June 10th. I went on my pre-op for a month before surgery..I lost 20 pounds that first month on my own. I had surgery June 10th …and have lost 30 pounds since surgery. It’s been more difficult since surgery…..however if I didn’t have it I would have given up…so that is the reason I had to have it.
I struggle everyday to get in calories…I am actually starting to feel hunger now. Probably because I am walking and exercising. So that’s good. The only other time I feel hungry is if I have had a lemonade or something sweet. I don’t eat sweets…but every now and then I will have a lemonade or a fruit juice..which will make me hungry because of the sugar. So I am trying to stay away from those now.
I have been walking at least 5 days a week…hiking up Beezley a couple times a week..and trying to push myself…..it hasn’t been easy. I am a weakling and have let myself go so much …it’s daunting to think about how much I have to lose still. But I can’t think about it. I just need to be thankful I have gotten this far in 3 months already.
When I was hiking up Beezley a few days ago I was thinking to myself….I think-> I was down 48-49 pounds…and to think that all of that weight is basically a bag of dog food. I buy those huge bags of food for Gracie and I barely get it into the cart and I ask one of the boys to haul it in for me. Which is just a short distance…from my car to the house. To think about how I was hauling that extra 50 pounds around all of the time..puts it all into perspective for me. I really couldn’t have made it up Beezley with all of that extra weight because I have been barely making it up now. There are certain times on the walk when I have to look down at the ground and not focus on the hills/climb coming up or I might give up. It’s difficult for me. What is even more difficult to think about it that we used to walk up there 3 times a week…and never batted an eye. It was a regular thing and it wasn’t as painful as it has been for me this time around. It just goes to show how far I have let myself go.
So these are the pictures that were taken at the end of April at a speech I was giving … I wanted to really see the changes that my body would be making. It still makes me vulnerable to post these ….since I am being honest…..I feel bad …for many reasons. But just like everything else in life…you get yourself in a situation that may not be good..and you have to do something to get yourself out of it…learn the lesson & move on….that’s life. So I am putting myself out there. Painful as it may be. If I am honest…..I still don’t like the way I look…..and as soon as I saw the “after” photos I still said ..”Wow, I still look like a fat cow”. Now, I know I need to get rid of that self talk. It’s a slow process. Pictures are always shocking to me. After seeing them all side by side I realize why I am not losing as many sizes as the next person……50 pounds seems like so much but my pictures aren’t showing much difference. I have to admit that’s a bit disheartening…but it’s not going to get in my way. Maybe the next 25 will be better for me? I don’t know. But one of these days I really want to look at a picture and feel proud of the progress…..and also see the progress.
So as difficult as this is to share….I am doing it because..well it’s not about fat shaming..it’s about holding myself accountable. I appreciate all of the support and kindness that you are all giving me along my journey.
I have started exercising and trying to make this a lifestyle change. It’s difficult at times because I don’t get a lot of support at home. They don’t want to eat whole healthy foods..they want their lives to stay the same. It won’t be. It can’t be..because if I change something in the house ….their lives has to change. I refuse to sacrifice my health anymore to make sure they are happy with things. It’s time to start thinking about myself….and in the long run it healthier for them as well. I am trying not to be extreme…but they really have to give into some vegetables ect.
Hopefully it will all work out ok.
I am in charge of my own body and I want to feed it healthy foods. I want to feel good from the inside out.
The surgery has helped me tremendously because quite honestly I would have given up by now. even with surgery I am slow loser and I am following rules. So that just goes to show me that my metabolism is all kinds of messed up and if I am having such slow progress with a drastic procedure…then it makes sense that I would not have seen very good results any other way. So I am happy with this. I am happy that this is working.
I am trying to decide how I am going to reward myself with this 50 pound loss. I have to admit after i saw the pictures ..I thought “I don’t deserve a reward” But that is wrong thinking. 50 pounds is better than nothing….50 pounds is a good start.
So I am going to figure out my reward……and my next goal is going to be 75 pounds! Only 25 more to go before my next reward!! I am not giving myself a time limit because I don’t need to fail at anything…..or not meet an expectation…i just need to keep working towards my goal.
So Thank You all so much! If any of you have any questions..please ask…I am more than willing to share any of my experiences this far with you!