It’s another personal post that you can bypass…I do have some good posts coming after this. 🙂 Pictures and recipes.
Yesterday I was having a great day. Making progress…and just when you start to come out of the fog the storm comes right?
I had a talk at dinner with my boys & Clarissa. They were talking about themselves and school things ect.
Cole is being bullied at school. I am wondering if it isn’t getting to him and I started asking questions. The kid bullying him is a BULLY and also a terrorist in the school. But he comes from the “right” family and he shmoozes just the right people. He’s even been in trouble with the law. Yet everyone turns a blind eye. This kid is also one of Bryce’s friends. They have been in sports together since they were young. Now they are “school” friends. Because I would never let him hang out with this kid…..I don’t care. Bryce would stay away from him…but Bryce is weak and would rather be in his good graces than against him.
Cole ratted this kid out to a friend over the summer..which in turn put him on the “hit” list. I suspect the only thing keeping him some-what safe is the fact that he is Bryce’s little brother. But they torture him regardless.
There are a few things happening here:
1. Cole has always been popular. Now not only is he the low guy on the totem pole…..he is really low.
2. Cole has been a bully before- now he is getting a taste of what he has dished out
3. Cole has lost his identity a bit. He has been a star athlete and got good grades. He decided to make the grades important…..but nobody can “see” that. Meaning his peers. he’s not getting the accolades he would if her were playing football. So he is suffering that way.
So part of me just thinks this a refining moment for him. I need to let him work it out. I need him to grasp what is going on. However…..I did say I should maybe call the school or get a message to this kids parents. Cole just wants some relief. I am worried about how far it will go. Bryce said “no” Don’t do that. It will get worse. Preston said the same thing. Cole just wants help. I don’t think he has ever experienced this much turmoil at once. Bryce refuses to help him by saying anything.
Then things come out about what they do in public settings. It’s horrible. I have a good grasp on what they can & can’t do. But listening to what they say to eachoterh and everything else is pretty disturbing. So I simply asked “Are you being Jesus when you do that?”
Which opened a whole other conversation.
My 3 Horton boys.
They admitted they don’t want to go to another youth group because all of the other youth groups will make them study the bible more. The only reason they wanted to go to our is because they didn’t have to..they just had fun.
Well that is not incentive for me to let them go. Especially if they are just getting play -fun time. And that’s it. So that’s a done deal.
Bryce has all the right answers but says he’s not mature enough to face the persecution in every day situations. So he would rather have fun and live his life. He doesn’t want to have to think about all of his actions.
I told him plainly that the fact that he recognizes that tells me he is mature enough to know his choices and he will be held accountable for that. Not by me. I won’t get in the way of him “living his life” however my rules won’t change. So when he gets on his own he can choose to live life the way he wants and get in his own way.
So I explained that we all put things in our paths that draw us farther from God. The more and longer you do that the more work it takes to sort it out.
I again used my brother as an example. I pointed out living a “normal” life. What will he have to do just to live a normal life at this point? Just taking it from a simplistic view. He has no credit, no money, no job history,no education & a criminal record. He hasn’t taken care of his children and baby mammas. For him to get clean and sort all of that out seems overwhelming. He’s put a lot of negatives in in his life that will prevent him from living a normal life if he doesn’t fix them first. It’s taken him a long time to get this far from a normal life it will take him a long time to sort it out. Seems as if he would have just done the “right” thing from the beginning things wouldn’t be so difficult now. But he has to deal with it.
So I just explained to them that when they don’t prayerfully and thoughtfully consider their actions and choices it puts them further from the truth and they will have to sort it all out. But that that is on them. I can’t live life for them.
Cole is having an identity crisis and needs a rest. I think everything is getting to him. School, work, church. He says he’s tired of having to do all of the work. Our family was highly active and we did do alot of work. I think he is making it seem more than it is? But what I really think is happening is that he is a worker bee. He has always been a worker bee. It’s his gift. I think teens especially start to resent their gifts. They don’t realize it’s a gift. Bryce was born a natural leader. But he resents that role and wants to duck his responsibility as a leader…..but it comes out in situations when it needs to. He just needs to realize it’s a gift and start using it for the greater good. When Cole was young..like 4-5 he worked really hard at his chores and found pride in that. He would also carry the load for the other kids. Rob and I would tell the kids we would reward them for something if all their chores were completed. At 5 years old Cole would do everyone’s chore so they could get the reward because some people didn’t care. He was having a melt-down because he couldn’t keep up with all of them..when we realized, we felt really bad. So we just starting rewarding him. But we had no idea this was going on and he was worked out.
This is how he feels about church right now. He feels like Carl and Preston don’t pull their weight. So when they have to do work it falls on he & Bryce. He doesn’t want to be there so many days a week ( which we haven’t been for months) and he is tired.
I know he is right. Carl & Preston get caught watching flies all the time rather than working. Preston will snap in more than Carl. Carl finds the whole thing a bit of torture. A social gathering and then work at the end? To define work…means cleaning up after everyone. Putting tables away ect. I find it all a bit ridiculous. It’s ten minutes of work…but apparently it’s chipping away at Cole. But It’s a symptom of the machine that is going on in his head right now.
Preston is just my WILD child…and I know it will take him a long time to come around anyway. He is going to get into lots of trouble for a long time before he will come around. It’s been written on him for a long time. He talks about “dating’ lots of ladies…and I a just trying to keep him calm enough to get through school. He can’t make a hard lined decision to save his life. he is to wishy -washy in his everyday life to think he won’t be wishy-washy in every way of his life. Life will have to chew him up and spit him out before he learns that in some cases you do have to make a choice. My only hope for him is that he gets a really good girl that will woo-him and keep him straight. she will have to be controlling and make hard choices. LOL
But my slow and steady work-horse Cole is suffering right now. He is usually the kid who takes the narrow path.
Bryce…..the fact that he can verbalize and use the language he does..I know he gets it. I think it won’t take him long to see the right path. He doesn’t like suffering but sometimes it takes him awhile to realize the easy way isn’t such an easy way. But when he is in the thick of trouble it sometimes gets worse…..because he can’t find any relief.
So I am just waiting it out.
Jeri finally made contact last night. Weird. well not so much. She hasn’t talked to us in a long time. Apparently there is a bee in the bonnet of the commune again because they are upset about something else? I have no idea what this time. But in classic fashion our daughter believes everything they have to say without asking us for our side first. So she sent me a horrible text asking me questions about stuff they have to say in an accusing manner. She said that she thought we were getting better and I have to pull this? LOl I kind of laughed. 1. How do we get better when you don’t talk to me and when you do you lie? 2. I didn’t pull anything? I don’t say anything…I don’t approach them. They come to me. Then they don’t like what I say? They just like to stir up trouble and then blame me. My story has never changed….they lie and make up stories. Every time this happens my husband calls her and says “Are you taking sides? and not asking us what we have to say or ask us what we said? before just accusing us of anything”
He asked her “When have we lied to you?” She couldn’t name a time. He also explained that there should not be SIDES. This is all so ridiculous. I explained that grown up adults have to realize that sometimes you have to agree to disagree. Just because we don’t agree with them doesn’t mean we are against them. But the more they do this stuff it’s becoming apparent. It’s been going on for months now and they do something every week to bring it all up and get upset again. I guess, I don’t undersatnd why you want to live in a constant state of turmoil? I don’t that’s why I don’t talk to them. I am trying to heal my broken heart so I can move on. But they just want to take my daughter and continue to make her hate us. They don’t want anyone holding them accountable and they want to stay stagnant. Clearly.
I think Rob calmed her down at the same time telling her that we love her, we wants what’s best for her and that’s all we ever wanted. Who knows what she told them? I am sure in a few days there will be a whole new spin on that. I don’t care anymore. They can take any well meaning conversation and turn it ugly. I have 5 kids at home that need me. You can only do this to me so much before I shut it off&out. I am good at that. Years of experience with my family.
Carl & Clarissa both said…they like their lives as they are. LOL and they aren’t going to change at this point in time. LOL Well they are creatures of habit and they like security. So they won’t venture far from home…at least for now. Kind of funny.
These are the days of my life. I am feeling a bit better today. Despite things….I think this is a much needed break from all of our extra activities. The kids agreed that Sundays for now is good and we will just let them rest.
I think we all need to find our new normal. All of these adjustments. New school year, new household with one less member, no sports, no activities. It will be more bonding time. Right?