Well today is Carl’s 16th birthday. He already has a car. YAY! He already passed drivers ed. He just has to get all of his drive time in so he can get his license.
For those that don’t know I have a blended family- him. mine, ours and someone else’s. we don’t define those lines within the family. We have tried to include everyone in the whole family. So here are some of my Carl memories. These are not listed in order.
I came into Carl’s life when he was 4. He didn’t remember ever having a mom. So I had to win him over. He was always a good boy but I would say tortured as a young one. Tons of night mares and fears. crippling type fears. I think part of that was probably his aspergers….I think the other part was the damage of being abandoned by his bio-mom.( If Carl ever heard from bio-mom or she came around early on in years( which wasn’t often) he would digress in behavior and be very nervous. So although he was young …I think it still affected him deeply)
When I came into the picture I was nervous about the kids. If Rob didn’t get along with my boys…and if I didn’t get along with his kids…there wasn’t going to be a future. Right away Carl told Rob he wanted Rob to marry me. I thought “awe that is so sweet he loves me” then I asked why? He said “because she has kids” LOL
So it really had nothing to do with me.
Carl appreciates all of the details. When I started all the festivities for his 5th birthday party. He had never had a full-all out party. I spent hours decorating his race car cake. He sat and watched the whole time. I didn’t expect him to. It was just something I did for all of my kids. After I was done he said “Charisma I just love my cake. I am really glad you are throwing me a birthday party…Ive never had a birthday and this is really special” my eyes filled up. Then Bryce…good old Bryce pats Carl on the shoulder and says “Ah, Carl my mom does this for all birthdays…come on lets go outside play” Practically pulling Carl away. I wanted to smack Bryce..LOL ( not really …but it just goes to show you how much is taken for granted when you have always had it)
Bryce when he was young was a bit kinder than he is now ( with hormones) and immediately took to Carl. Bryce wanted to take care of and protect Carl. He knew Carl was a wounded little bird. Instinctively. So he did. Just when I thought maybe Carl’s nightmares were over…(He would just scream in the middle of the night for me….and I would get up and cuddle him back to sleep. ) I found out that instead of crying out for me…Bryce started waking up when Carl screamed and Bryce would crawl in bed with him until Carl calmed down and fell back to sleep. Then Bryce would go back to his own bed. Bryce didn’t ever tell anyone. One of them was praying one time as a family and they were mentioned …so I had asked …since I hadn’t had to get up. I was proud that Bryce had that much compassion but I didn’t want his sleep to be interrupted every night. We got Carl some help…& a short stint on medication and they stopped. ( or he started dealing with it as he got older)
Then when Rob and I married he asked me if he had to call me mom. I said “no, that’s up to you. I would never make you do something that makes you uncomfortable. I can earn that name . Whenever you are ready or if you never want to…that is up to you.” It took about 6 months and he just started calling me mom. 🙂
Fast forward a few years.
I have never felt like I adopted Carl or that he wasn’t my own. I feel like he belongs to me. I feel like I pushed him through my body. I sometimes actually forget that I didn’t because we meshed right away. When his bio mom came into the picture years later. Clean & wanting a relationship. He was standoff-ish. It took her a long time to mend his broke heart. Within that journey I knew something was really bothering him. He was going to go for a visit and getting more & more anxious. I prayed about it and talked to him. He didn’t want to tell me. Then I realized (divine inspiration). He was feeling guilty for actually liking-loving & wanting to spend time with his mom. She and I weren’t on great terms ( not fighting or anything…just not friends…like we are now). Carl is very sensitive and I think because of the tension she & I shared he was anxious. So I talked with him and told him he was not being dis-loyal to me by wanting a relationship with his other mom. I told him that I loved her. If it weren’t for her i wouldn’t have him as a son. I would actually be more upset if he didn’t love, accept & offer her this second chance to form a relationship with him. He is blessed to have 2 moms that love him. She has never treated me like an evil step mom or called me a step mom either. Which I really appreciate. When the kids are around both of us we are both mom. You could almost see the weight lifted off of his shoulders. It made my heart swell even more for him. He was so worried about me ..& my rejection of him or worried that I would be upset if i felt he didn’t love me…ect. He is just like that. He never wants to put anyone out. He never wants to be burden on anyone. He is highly sensitive and intuitive.
He will suffer in silence as to not worry anyone. He is also really forgiving & loyal.
I am honored that God gave him to me. I am blessed beyond measure. I wouldn’t have traded this journey with him for anything. I didn’t just marry Rob I married his children too.
So in this 16 (or 12) years he has grown so much. He is becoming a man. I know he will be a great man. I know he will make a great mate & father if that is what he chooses. I know he will always be fair & just. All of the things you would want your son to be ( he does have some faults……he’s not Jesus). I am so proud of him. I am hoping one day the world will see him how I see him.
We already have an event planned for his & Bryce’s birthdays. But we took him out to dinner tonight at his choosing…which was a bacon burger at DK’s. His fav. Then Rob took him out on a man date to see Thor. Good father & son time. Blessed.
I love you Carl. Happy Birthday.