I am hoping to get more pictures of this on a better day. I took this outside to get pictures and of course it starts raining. That was appropriate for the day I had, had…I won’t get into all of the nitty-gritty details of that morning….but I decided not to “label” my day as bad before it even started with all of the follies that had happened because I didn’t want to stain it in that light. A year ago I had a break down..it was terrible…and quite frankly it doesn’t seem like a year has passed because I remember it so vividly. So any day is better than those days, right? At least that is the case for me.
I saw this saying on a sign…I didn’t even think about it…I immediately knew it had to be in a quilt. It was like I was possessed…I just had to make it. Sometimes that just happens for me…..I am not sure why this happens in some cases….but other times it reveals itself later.
It is not just enough to Believe that there is good in the world we also need to Be the Good. We are all flawed and we all have trials and tribulations.
In the world we live in now..for so many reason..this is such a good message and I truly believe it. Like in my heart…my whole heart. I try to wake up everyday and be good in some arena because I feel like it is my calling.
Yesterday, after I posted this online..I took Roo to her counseling appointment. We have lots of things to work through. It’s been a difficult road. She is a teenager with regular teen issues. But she has also had a rough road with being the youngest of 6 kids and a few of them were difficult kids that took the life out of all of us…and she was bullied by a brother ..and she has had to deal with more transitions and changes than most children just due to birth order…and it’s difficult for her. So we are trying to find healthy ways to sort through and cope with certain things. But we were talking about motivation…what motivates people in general and selfishness. She thinks that she is the only selfish person.
This is actually laughable if it weren’t seriously what she thinks. She thinks that there is something different about her and that she is a selfish person. Now I am not going to say that she isn’t selfish at times….we all are. So immediately our counselor asks her “Don’t you think everybody is selfish?”
She doesn’t answer. ( I didn’t realize at first why she didn’t answer this)
He said “I am selfish..I am selfish about a lot of things” Then he says “Do you think your mom is selfish” She immediately responds with “No, My mom is the most selfless person”
I wanted to cry. (this is why she didn’t want to answer)
But I couldn’t because I had to keep it together to be useful in this moment ..the stakes are getting high.
I immediately said “I am selfish too” Then we had to go on and discuss selfishness.
I think there comes a time in life when you are either a good example or a bad example and the road to Hell is paved with good intentions…..as the saying goes…Something like that anyway….I actually don’t use that phrase often. I feel like I have not been a good example to her because I have sacrificed myself too much…..in her mind she will never be like me..so why bother? I know this is all twisted -terrible-lies that happens…but never-the-less it has crushed me. I try to do my best to be an example to my daughter and the devil has freakin turned it into something ugly.
It has also reminded me to look in the mirror…Roo and I are afflicted with the same exact issues. We LIE to ourselves. I have set the wrong example by lying to myself ( how could she know this? innately). I lie to myself on a daily basis because I believe that there is honestly something wrong with me and I am always trying to fix something…..and here my daughter is doing that…and she is comparing herself to me. My heart is crushed. But what do I do? I have to soldier on, Pray that God breaks this curse and that I can BE THE GOOD that I am supposed to be so that I can do the good that I need to do. I have to pray that my daughter will find her way sooner rather than later and that she will not accept less than what she is worth. I feel like I am running out of time.
My heart is broken once again. This parenting stuff is just so much. I feel like I need to take my heart on a hiatus because it just keeps falling apart. It needs time to mend a little before the next shatter. After all of this, I STILL Believe there is good in the world. Otherwise, I wouldn’t keep trying to pick up the pieces of my heart and wake up each day…. refusing to label any day, a bad day because I really want everyday to be a good day. I want to feel like I can Be the Good.
So I just quilted it on the computer because I needed to test out a new design and I really just wanted it finished. The binding will be yellow. I am actually thinking of making a few of these and selling them..just because I believe in the message so much.
It measures 80×93….so a good full size almost queen.
I hope you all will take the message to heart and “Be the Good”