A Thank You

Well as you all know…I am in a “trial” LOL. My friend Carla articulated to me yesterday that I have an addiction…..my daughter. I was thinking about this….and she is totally right. I am trained so well…that even when she isn’t here I am still trying to be one step ahead.

It’s a matter of letting go of all of our own dreams {expectations} and just letting them fall on their face..when you really want them to fly. So I need to stop dwelling on all of her bad choices since she has left. ( she’s been making them all along) the reason I obsess is because she is so great at turning everything around to make it my fault. So when you live in fear and always have to be one step ahead..well it consumes everything. Like living with a drug addict or abuser..that’s really what she is. So until I thought of it that way…..I didn’t understand. Now I get it.

So I have been so self-consumed…and on a roller coaster. CRAZY! I imagine most parents must go through this even without a special needs child. To think I have to go through this 5 more times…I may as well admit myself in the looney bin until I settle down…just saying. LOL

But stepping aside….and thinking about my life….and all of the things I want my legacy to be…all of the things I truly stand for…when I am not consumed with heartbreak. I have been having some glimmers of my “normal” self. Rob and I are working on a project together. All glory be to God. I also got a note from someone and I just thought…YES! I love this. I have gotten these before..I don’t want to minimize anyone that has sent one before…because I truly love them all! They all give me a bounce in my step…and make me thank my Father. But this one just comes at a time when I needed the reminder of who I truly am.

“ I just wanted to say thank you for all the coaching and for leading by example. I have just recently posted “My First Commissioned Quilt” on the board and wanted to say thank you for all of your beautiful work, and for helping me believe that I could learn to machine quilt. This is my first machine quilted project that I have done all by myself. It is all SID, but I am happy with the results. Thank you so much for all the encouragement.
Sometimes we don’t hear what effect we have on others, so I wanted to make sure you knew you have ‘passed the passion’ on to me. You are so right. Machine quilting can be very relaxing, and when I am done, I know it is all my own work. Well, I got to go make another quilt so I can keep practicing. You Rock! -Kelly”

I also have received loving letters from many of you going through or having been through your own trials. One loving MOM wrote me yesterday with sound advice..and her phone number to call her any time day or night. I truly appreciate it. It makes me tear up to think how loving so many of you are. Holding me up and making this life experience special. Honestly. When I think about my tiny blog and all it has done for me….not in a monetary way…but a very real spiritual journey….it just makes me believe in God that much more. He can make something from nothing.

I think of all the friendships and relationships I have because of this…well it’s overwhelming. So a huge THANK YOU! to all of you!

also Yesterday was a great day! My brother came for a visit. If I am to be honest..I have to say I had wished for him to come. I was a bit homesick on Sunday after Carla left….and I had wished I hadn’t told my brother the party was off so I could see him {but that would be selfish}. I had this overwhelming feeling of missing him..I actually shed a few tears on Monday thinking about it. Then I got a message stating they were coming on Wednesday for a quick visit..just dinner. I was elated. God had answered that for me. I didn’t tell him how much it meant to me..or that I had been missing him. We are two old souls..that have weathered a certain storm together…nobody will ever “get” us. The bond is great. SO I was blessed just by being with him. I filled him in on all of the court stuff with out other siblings and my life…..he shared about his. They rescued a dog and found her a great home, he’s starting a new job ect. Just good old fashioned bonding time. I am thankful for that.

The quilt I gifted was received well ..as I said before. But he posted it on FB yesterday … with the label I had written him and everything. I think the label must have been the most important part to him…but I didn’t expect to see my heartfelt letter big and wide on FB. It doesn’t really matter…I write about everything anyway…it’s just that that has never happened..so I was taken aback…..and I am thankful again.

My father keeps giving me these messages along the way that I need to come back to him and let go of fear and worry…and just let him take care of it. He always comes through and provides. He’s sending me messages to say it always works out best in HIS time. It took 20 some years for me to gift that quilt to my ex-step dad…and give him his full circle moment. Now it’s my turn to wait.

Faith. Stepping out in faith. Never gets easier.

 

 

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