So today is my favorite holiday….HOLY DAY.
In my faith this is the day that Jesus rose from the dead. He died for us all. I have to constantly remind myself that he didn’t just die for my sins but also my sorrows.
Sorrow= a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others
MANY years I only focused on the fact that Jesus died because I am a wretched sinner and I will never amount to anything except for being an imperfect sinner. Which is all true…..there is a refining process. I am learning to understand that there is not finality to anything…nothing is ever resolved. You can’t wrap everything up in a pretty box and deliver it to the next person. LOL. **Can I just tell you how much I hate this?** I really love being able to process things put them in their box and being done.
But there is also the fact that Jesus died for my sorrows. I have so many sorrows. The loss of loved ones. The loss of my childhood. The loss of decent parents. The loss of myself at times. Now I am grieving the loss of my family….everything that I focused on for years and years. The fact that I have to watch my children sway in the winds of the world, lost without direction….that is harder than anything I have experienced in my life. I would probably go back and live in my childhood again if I had to choose one pain over another….and I have never said that before. Escaping my life as a child is one of my proudest accomplishments. But the pain of watching grown children make terrible choices is practically unbearable.
I also have the stress. We all have stress. We all have trials and tribulations. My husband had an MRI on his back Thursday…we hear the results on Tuesday. He has been down for 2 weeks. This week he can get up and walk and dress himself..so that is good. We have been in a race against time for him to get a different career path. He needs a job so he can quit using his body so much. So he is attending college full time and working part time in my quilting business. Along with his full time job. When harvest comes around he will not be able to go to school or work with me…in fact if his back isn’t better by harvest he won’t have a job. They will not work around him. I will eat tortillas and beans for years and scrimp and save….we can live. However, we can’t afford medical benefits….so this is the crux of our situation. We could potentially be in a pickle. I can’t stress about this now until we get the results of his MRI and find out exactly what is going on….but he has already had 2 back surgeries…they told us he would eventually need more. Best case scenario at this point is that they can give him a steroid shot or something and he can carry on for another year to get his college degree and move on from his job….we just aren’t in a position currently to afford everything we would need to live….much less pay his college tuition or anything like that if he lost his job. So my sorrows.
When I think about all Jesus has given me and how much he cares about me…I feel overwhelmed with joy, love, fulfillment and the knowing that this will all work out the way it is supposed to. That doesn’t mean the way I want it too….it means the way it is supposed to. I don’t pretend to know or understand everything…but I am leaving this in God’s hands because he knows what is best and he will take care of us. stressing, crying and worrying about it is non productive. So I pray for God to give me Peace. I thank Jesus for sacrificing himself on the cross for my sins AND my sorrows…..I find that comforting.
So as we all celebrate this day..remember that God loves us all..he had to watch his Son die…which had to be the most painful feeling in the world…and he brought him to life again. Jesus willingly sacrificed himself so we could be free…….I am so thankful for that!