Yesterday was my 10th anniversary. As much as I thought it was a good idea to get married on a holiday ( so Rob would remember) it always works out that we have a ton of kids home…and a few extras. We are always broke because it’s after Christmas. We have never really celebrated..every now and again we will go out to dinner. But this year we have been relaxing, enjoying vacation ( more than usual) and didn’t make any plans or even really think about it.
I have to say in my family ( the one I come from) for anyone to make it ten years we might as well have had a silver or gold anniversary party. HEHE. My mother has been married 3-4 times..boyfriends in between, My grandmother 4 times…boyfriends in between….my aunt that is closest to my mom 3-4 times…boyfriends in between. The examples I grew up with are all pretty much the same. I had one uncle you made it 20 some years but they are divorcing currently…the fact that they made it that long is amazing..they have pickled themselves with alcohol and numbed themselves from stem to stern…so it finally gave way. They also get high with their teenage daughter? Pretty disturbing. I have one aunt who waited to get married until she was in her 40’s….but she had many boyfriends….hoping and waiting for the perfect guy to come along. I don’t know what it’s like to come from one of those families that people get married and stay married no matter what. Even in my own marriage I thought I should have left many times.
This doesn’t paint me in a good light…but as you all know..I can’t be fake.
Ten years ago Rob and I came into this marriage because we were knocked up. Rob would have married me on our first date. So I tease that he trapped me with a baby.:) Clarissa figured out this last year on her own that I was only pregnant with her for 5 months ….so I had to tell her the truth. She is way to smart for her own good. Not only did we have that bit of a change…we had 5 children between us already. Adjusting to mothering to more kids with another on the way was difficult. Rob and I both came into our marriage with baggage from other relationships. Both of our (ex) spouses had left us….neither helping to support ( Landon caught up eventually and has been a good supporter for many years now), both of us had been cheated on, lied to and neglected emotionally. ( I am not painting this as a one sided thing …we all have faults in a relationship) Rob and I were young, wanted to have a marriage and family. I think our kids blended well. Rob and I have always parented well ( for the most part we agree on things). I knew I could love him because he could love children that weren’t biologically his ( I knew that before we dated because of Jeri). I had so much work ahead of me. Rob had no structure, no discipline and no goals. He was surviving moment to moment with his kids and struggling alone without any support. I had tons of support and all structure. LOL I moved two hours from all of my support and provided the structure this family needed. I fell in love with marriage and Jeri and Carl. It took many years of heartache, counseling and prayer on both of our parts to finally fall in love with each other. I mean the kind of love that sustains. We were attracted to each other…we fought for each other and we loved as we knew how. But the type of relationship we have now only comes from blood, sweat and tears. We have come across many obstacles. It’s funny because a blast from our past commented on something a few days ago..she moved away during the “rough” part of our relationship. I used to be so resentful, angry and wanting Rob to pay. It seems so long ago …but she still thinks that is the way we ( I) am….and I am amazed at how just far I have come. honestly. I didn’t think Rob and I would make it…in my life it seemed dumping a relationship at the slightest bit of trouble was better than suffering. I had asked myself so many times if I was doing the right thing. If it would be easier to just start over. If Rob was really worth it. If We were worth it.Right now I say. YES. A marriage is worth fighting for.
I can’t really say when the last time we fought…over any real issue. we can get into little squabbles over a miscommunication or something…but those used to be HUGE ordeals ( when we were young). I can’t say if as we aged we mature and we just let more things go? Maybe the reason is that we have been together long enough to know how far to push that button …how to choose our battles? Maybe we decided that doing everything the hard way is just a bad pattern for us all..we got tired so we quit fighting? LOL We have had lots of help along the way. Our therapist has been patient, loving and guiding us well. Our spiritual relationship with God has also softened my edges…and I am more willing to forgive. I let go of expectations….and I meet him where he is at. I can’t expect him to fulfill my needs unless i tell him what they are. I can’t say I know his feelings or how he feels about all of this? He has many good examples in his family of life long relationships. I can’t compare to anyone else. But what I can say is that I am thankful. Thankful that God brought me Rob. With Rob came 3 more life altering gifts that I can’t imagine not being in my life. So I am glad Rob trapped me. I can’t take it back…out of my sins came beauty…I am sorry I closed my eyes for such a period of time. Rob and I aren’t the ooey- goooey…mushy type of people. But I just had to share all of that.
So while Rob was home with our kidlets…I went to a movie with some church family.
WOW! I have to say I cried many times. I have seen it on stage. But the film is just AMAZING! You see every pore on their face, every blemish..all the tears and you feel their pain, For a person like me whose emotions are on the surface already…you just can’t help it. I know there are some people that gave it bad reviews,I read them. Honestly, I think they are crazy. The main songs in the movie were done right there on stage….they didn’t do voice overs. AMAZING! Hugh Jackman did an AMAZING job. If you are going to just to see him because you think he is some sort of sex symbol…throw that out the window.( He is never sexy in this movie) I fell in love with him because of his performance and character. Anne Hathaway…AMAZING! Her big Song Dream…I sobbed..gut wrenching sobs. The scene where she finally gives into prostitution…broke my heart. I already knew it was to happen but I couldn’t help it. But I have to really say that my favorite part of the movie was that Hollywood didn’t take out the Christianity over tones. God is all over this movie, play and book. It was written intentionally with these meanings and redemption. I know this…but whenever Hollywood gets their hands on this type of theme they tend to change it and take it out. It wasn’t. It is chalk full of redemption, living in grace and forgiveness. I read that Russel Crowe was getting bad reviews for his singing….I didn’t think he was horrible ..infact I loved his character…and there is no denying he is a beautiful actor. But I have to say while I was watching him on the big screen at the theater….he didn’t seem so big to me. In each character he plays.. he is larger than life….I have no idea if I was so wrapped up in the theme of this movie…and I could just see he was Judas (or pharisee) ..therefore my mind put him there as a pharisee? Or if he is just such a good actor he pulled it off for God to take over and create the masterpiece message that was clear ( to me anyway)? So even if you don’t particularly care for musicals..but you just want to support a good Godly message ,I would recommend this movie. In the end there is a line I just love “To love someone is to love God” How true indeed. I don’t want to give any spoilers for all that have not seen it….so I will leave my commentary at that….and just say I will definitely be buying this movie. It may become a forever favorite as much as Anne of Green Gables and Pride and Prejudice…..in fact it already has.
I hope you all had a wonderful holiday.